Mayday
by Agent Five
Summary: Movie-verse. In the aftermath of the attack on TB5, John is not doing so well ...Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**All characters belong to the Andersons and Carlton, I'm just borrowing them to have a play for a little while.**

**First time on this site. Hope you enjoy! Please R&R.**

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"Thunderbird 5 to Tracy Island! Mayday! _Mayday - _"

His call was ended abruptly as the missile impacted with the station and then there was nothing but the bright blinding pain of the explosion. He was vaguely aware of being hurled back through the station and had about a second to worry about the inevitable contact with the opposite wall before he then did and suddenly everything went dark.

It was calm and peaceful somewhere in his mind. There was no pain, no smoke filling his lungs, no piercing wail of emergency sirens. He sat there slumped back against the wall, trying to locate the place in the back of his thoughts where reality could not enter. But it was too late. He was now too awake and too aware of his surroundings to slip back into the darkness.

Slowly he began to pull himself up from his crumpled position down where the base of the docking hatch merged with the floor grating. Moving was a mistake. Now the dull ache between his shoulder blades had became searing pain and he held his breath as he tried to calm the wave of nausea that swept through him. He lifted his right arm and groaned as the action sent further sparks of pain shooting up through his shoulder and across his back. Reaching behind him with his other arm, his gloved fingers brushed against whatever it was that was sticking out of his back and he clenched his teeth to hold back the sob that rose in his throat.

It had to come out. He could not move his right arm and could not breathe normally without burning agony tearing across his back. He closed his eyes and took hold of the shard, feeling every slight movement of the metal imbedded in his flesh as his grip jarred the exposed end.

His head was spinning as he tensed in readiness but somehow he summoned the courage from somewhere within him to just pull. The metal slid free easily and he cried out as a new pain from suddenly exposed nerve endings made him arch his back. Tears trickled down his cheeks as he rested his head back against the wall and swallowed back the bile that had collected in his throat.

After a moment he managed to calm himself and he looked down to glare angrily at the bloodstained fragment of the inner hull he held in his hand. His own ship, his home from home for months at a time, had turned on him.

_Warning! Hull integrity failing._

"No kidding!" John managed a husked reply to the gentle computerised voice that had a penchant for stating the obvious.

_Emergency force field activated._

"Thank you." John sighed and swallowed hard. Maybe she was trying to help him after all.

Slowly clambering to his feet and muttering a thank you to the still functioning ant-grav plates, John peered along the corridor towards the damaged computer console and the blackened hull beyond. He began forward carefully and shook his head to clear the dizziness.

The main computer terminal seemed fried. John frowned as he brushed off the debris and saw the flickering displays beneath. There was still a little power coming through from somewhere and he quickly assessed the station systems. He edged along the consoles and groaned as he saw that everything was down except the emergency lighting and the automated collision protocols but they took power from the temporary batteries.

Collision. His heart slammed against his chest as suddenly he remembered what had hit the station. He had to contact the island. They would no doubt be on their way up to him right now but he had to tell them to stay away. The automated systems would be announcing possible meteor impact but he had to tell them it was no meteor. He had been targeted.

John clenched his teeth against the pain between his shoulders as he crouched down and grabbed the metal grating on the floor of the main control centre and pulled. Small flames licked at his gloves as he lifted the panel clear and peered at the burned circuits and melted wiring. Ignoring the heat that prickled on the skin of his face, he lay down on his stomach and reached into the hole. He frowned as he tried to identify the charred circuits and quickly removed his gloves to begin the re-wiring.

The connections sparked as he switched the plugs and John held his breath, praying that his existence would not be abruptly ended with a few thousand volts of misplaced cable. The alternative of slowly suffocating to death inside his crippled station was no more appealing but he had to get communications online somehow. Even if it was his destiny to be flung out among the stars by the force of the inevitable explosion of the ruined craft, he had to first warn the others.

John looked back up at the communications console and smiled happily as he saw the terminal lights flickering tauntingly. He clambered to his knees and opened a channel.

"... John ... your ... status ..." Came a disjointed crackle over the radio.

"Dad!" John gasped. "Dad! Can you hear me?"

"... under ... three ... bird five ... um ... John ..."

"Dad!" John groaned in annoyance and scrambled back to the open hatch to adjust the circuitry again.

"John? Can you hear me? Thunderbird 3 to Thunderbird 5. Come in."

John sighed in relief and edged back to the console as the message echoed clearly around the station. "Dad. It was a missile!" He stammered quickly into the comm. "I was targeted, Dad."

"Understood."

The reply was simple and professional but John could hear the relief in his father's voice now that his son had replied.

"Dad, you should stay away in case they fire again." John offered quietly.

"Negative. What is your status?"

John closed his eyes and sat back on his heels. His head was spinning dizzily, both from the effects of the smoke fumes and the confusing conflict of feeling relief that help was on the way but also terrified for the safety of his family. "How the hell did they find us?" He mumbled under his breath.

"That's not important right now."

"That's it, then." John sighed. "It's over ..."

"Thunderbird 5, what is your status?"

John smiled at his father's stern command. He must have heard the fear in his son's voice and was now trying to elicit some kind of professional response that their training ought to drag forward. John looked around at the burning wreckage of the once sparkling neatness of the control centre. "She's ruined ..." He replied huskily.

"We're making our approach. ETA 3 minutes."

John nodded and then gasped as the console beside him exploded. He shielded his face with his arms and waited for the flames to settle before then peering back out at the damage. The emergency sirens ceased as the dim lighting around him began to flicker and he sighed in dismay.

_Warning! Emergency power failing._

John groaned and glared up at the invisible source of the computerised voice. He took a deep breath and regretted it instantly as hot acid smoke filled his lungs. He double over as his body shuddered with painful coughs and was sure his breakfast was soon to follow. After a moment he grabbed the edge of the console and pulled himself back up to the communications array. "Dad, hurry!" He managed, "I'm losing all power. Repeat: I'm losing all power!"

"Hang on, John. We're coming in."

John nodded and swallowed hard, grimacing at the bitter taste in his mouth. He was tired and sore but slowly his father's calm response was sinking in. He slowly climbed to his feet and surveyed the ruined consoles, trying to decide where to begin patching up the mess.

Out of the corner of his eye, John saw a familiar red shape glide by the window and he smiled in relief. He turned to watch as Thunderbird 3 slowly adjusted trajectory and he knew that this must be to match the roll of the unstable station. Turning from the consoles, he began towards the docking hatch and then froze as he heard a sickening metallic groan. The lights in the station flickered and died and John closed his eyes.

_Warning! Emergency force field failing._

The hull ripped apart as if it was made of paper. No longer protected from the vacuum of space, the station expelled its contents out into the blackness. John cried out as he was swept off of his feet and sucked out with the rest of the debris. He collided with the computer consoles as he tumbled from the station and felt the sickening crunch of bones shattering. A brief flash of the red hull of Thunderbird 3 tumbling away from the force of the blast was the last thing he saw before his lungs exploded.

"NO!" John sat bolt upright in the bed, the sheets clinging to his shaking body. He clutched at his chest and tried to steady the breaths that were coming in quick gasps. Slowly he began to calm and he groaned as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. He was safe at home in his bedroom. He was not tumbling through space and the loud sound of his still rapid breaths confirmed that his lungs were working fine.

John untangled his legs from the sheets and slowly lowered his feet to the cool tiled floor. He sat there for a moment on the edge of the bed and gradually his heart began to cease it's pounding in his ears.

It was the same every time he closed his eyes. The warning from the computer terminal, the approaching missile and the unstoppable collision. The only thing that his mind randomly altered was the sequence of events that followed. The first time the station had simply exploded as soon as the missile impacted and that was perhaps the easiest version of the nightmare. The adaptation that included him witnessing Thunderbird 3 bursting into a ball of flames was particularly pleasant.

John closed his eyes and hung his head. He rarely slept for longer than a few hours anyway, his intelligent mind a constant hive of activity and worry, but catching a few moments of rest to only be woken by the nightmare of reliving the incident two days ago was becoming annoying at best.

Now finally calm, John listened to the sounds around him and felt the reassurance of familiarity settling on his shoulders. Somewhere beyond the bedroom he could hear the distant rushing of the waves and the wind moving past the front of the house. He smiled as he heard the soft purring of his brother's almost snoring and opened his eyes to try and see Gordon in the darkness. Envious of his younger brother's peaceful slumber, John frowned in frustration and glanced at the bright digits on the clock beside his bed. It was a little after 3 am and he slowly sank back onto the bed with a sigh.

The evening after the attack on the station had been weird. After the race to London and the intensity of everything that had happened, suddenly all of them were chilling by the pool. None of them had spoken of the day's events and even the harsh reality of what the three children had been through was glossed over as they were congratulated for the bravery that had almost killed them.

Then the emergency call had come through and any opportunity for debriefing had been shoved aside. It was as if nothing had happened. They had all slipped into autopilot and dealt with the task at hand. The only difference was that this time they had a new member amid the ranks but there was no time to acknowledge that. John could recall a brief moment before they had left when he had turned to offer his brother a smile filled with pride and reassurance but Alan was preoccupied with the enormity of it all.

The mission was simple and achieved with ease, in comparison with the other events of that day. They had returned to the island tired and quiet, all sinking into bed without the usual revelry and engorging on snacks that had become part of the ritual of a rescue. John had followed them and climbed beneath the covers but had found only the beginning of a seemingly constant nightmare.

The next day they had all scattered. It seemed odd that in the confines of the island there was room for them all to get lost in their own space but that was what they had achieved. John had spent most of the past two days in the laboratory with Brains and Fermat. They made preparations for repairing the station and chatted merrily about various astrology issues, never once mentioning anything of the attack on their home or the maniac that had almost destroyed it all.

Looking up into the darkness, John tried to imagine the remains of Thunderbird 5 hanging helplessly in orbit above them. If he were there now he would most likely be awake and scanning the transmissions being received through the various communications channels or perhaps studying one of the many new stars he had discovered.

Sometimes the solitude would be interrupted by a call from home and, as much as he enjoyed his time alone, he would be glad of the company. It was usually Gordon and he would often be too sleepy to talk much sense but John was touched by his brother's need to hear his voice.

John turned his head and, his eyes now adjusted to the darkness, watched his brother sleeping soundly, knowing that Gordon was able to rest easy only because John was at home. It felt good to be missed and John smiled thinly.

Brains had been able to completely restore the link with Thunderbird 5 and had stated that he thought the damage was easily repairable. He had quoted them an estimate of perhaps five days work before the station was fully restored and they all knew that he intended to work every hour of each one of those days without pause.

John frowned as he thought about the possibility of returning to the station within the week. It stirred up the butterflies in his stomach that had seemingly set up home within him ever since the missile strike. He had never before felt so isolated and helpless and it was a sensation he did not enjoy. The illusion of infallibility that the success of their organisation had somehow generated was shattered the instant the station was targeted and suddenly reality had come crashing down on John. Literally.

Of course, he spent every minute of every rescue mission listening to his brother's transmissions and praying they would be safe but somehow knowing in his heart that they would take care of each other and would all return safely to the island. They simply had to.

John grimaced as a sudden aching started to nag at him and the pain between his shoulder blades slowly spread into his shoulder and down his arm. The torn muscles and nerves were slowly beginning to heal but the tension in his body was not helping the process. With a low groan, John clambered off the bed, pulled on a pair of jogging pants and headed out into the hall.

He wasn't sure quite what he wanted but he wandered across the large open-plan lounge and headed into the small kitchenette. The fridge was loaded with all kinds of comfort food and he smiled as he realised how well they were all taken care of, even their need for sweet, carb-loaded food after a crisis. He grabbed the milk and paused for a moment before then taking a long mouthful direct from the carton, a habit of his brothers' that John hated with a passion. He wiped a few stray drops from his chin and smiled in satisfaction at this out of character recklessness. Suddenly a noise from somewhere beyond the lounge made his heart race and he paused for a moment to listen.

Voices. John put away the milk and peered through the lounge towards the exposed patio and pools beyond. He edged along the kitchen units and stepped further into the lounge to look down towards the source of the sound.

John frowned as he saw the two figures sitting on the edge of the patio above the smaller pool, their hunched shoulders outlined against the backdrop of the moonlit sea and he stepped a little closer to hear their quiet conversation.

"I wish I had all the answers for you, son ... but sometimes you just have to find them for yourself ..."

John watched his father as he turned to look at the young man beside him. His father's gentle frown slowly faded into a fond smile and he slipped an arm around his son's shoulders.

"I so wanted to prove myself ... but ... god, dad ... I was so scared ..." Alan husked quietly and let his head rest on his father's shoulder.

"So was I," Jeff replied softly, "Very scared ... but there comes a time when you learn to use your fear and the strength it can give you, just like you did ... I was so proud of you Alan - you proved yourself as far as I'm concerned. You know that ..."

Alan nodded and sniffed back tears, "You were scared?" He then asked in wonder.

"Yes!" Jeff laughed softly and took a deep breath. He let it out in a long sigh and leaned his head down to rest his cheek on the top of Alan's head. "Scared for you ... scared for your brothers ... scared at what your mother would have to say if I ever let anything happen to you ..."

Alan chuckled slightly. "She'd be pissed, right?"

"And then some!" Jeff smiled, "I tell you, Alan ... she was something when she was mad! ... man ... she had a strength within her that ..." He paused and hugged Alan tighter against him.

"I guess she had to be strong to cope with us." Alan offered after a moment.

"Yeah." Jeff husked.

"I wish I'd known her." Alan mumbled.

John watched the intimate exchange through his tears and was suddenly jealous of his youngest brother; he would have given anything to be safe in the embrace of their father right now. He could remember clearly how a hug from his dad would suddenly put the world in order and for that moment all of his worries would fade away inside the embrace. But this was Alan's time now. John could easily understand what the young teenager was going through after all that had happened and it didn't take a degree in psychology to see past the cheerful façade that Alan had been displaying for the past few days.

Backing slowly away from the private scene that he now felt bad for having intruded upon, John headed into the lower levels and made his way through to the med lab. The place was dark and empty and John switched on one of the small lamps to guide his path across to the medicine cupboard.

The chalky, bitter taste of the pills made him want to vomit but it was the better option compared to the constant pain in his shoulder that was beginning to craze him.

"How many of those have you taken?"

John gasped at the unexpected voice and spun round. He saw the concerned frown on his father's face and for a moment couldn't read the expression.

"I thought Brains gave you a bottle yesterday?" Jeff continued softly, his frown deepening as he stepped further into the med lab.

John shook his head slowly, "It wasn't full. He said I might need more."

Jeff's gaze moved from John's face to the bottle in his hand. "It's easy to get used to taking those ..."

"I haven't had that many, Dad." John protested, suddenly angry, "God, what are you suggesting?"

Jeff regarded his son's hurt expression and his frown faded. "Oh, I'm sorry, John ..." He leaned against the bank of low cupboards beside him and hung his head with a sigh. "I didn't mean to sound so ..." He shook his head slowly, "I'm just worried about you." He said softly as he looked back up at John.

"I'm fine, Dad." John offered carefully.

Jeff managed a thin smile and nodded thoughtfully.

"I just ..." John's hand moved instinctively to his bare shoulder and he rubbed at the tender skin.

"What? What is it?"

"Nothing." John turned and placed the bottle back among the rows of neatly stacked, alphabetized medicines.

Jeff stepped away from the cabinets and moved up behind John. He frowned in concern as he reached out and gently placed his hand on John's shoulder. The spider-web of bright pink scar tissue stood out against the tanned skin and Jeff gazed thoughtfully at the slowly healing burns and cuts.

John closed his eyes and tried to fight the urge to shrug away from his father's gentle touch. The closeness was soothing but also stung the tender nerves of his damaged skin.

"I almost became addicted to Vicodeine after your mother died." Jeff offered quietly.

John froze and closed his eyes as he heard the slight tremor in his father's voice.

"I thought that my pain was something physical that I could cure with drugs ... but all it did was put me into a half-awake stupor for six months." Jeff continued huskily.

"Dad, I'm not - " John turned and paused as he saw the pain that crossed his father's face.

"We can always talk. Can't we, John?" Jeff managed a thin smile and shrugged his shoulders. "If there was something that was bothering you, you'd tell me. Right?"

John nodded slowly and frowned slightly. "Yeah, Dad ... of course." He chuckled nervously and glanced at the still open medicine cupboard. "I'm fine, Dad. I promise."

Jeff's smile faded and he took a deep breath. "Gordon says you're not sleeping."

John laughed gently, "Dad, I _never_ sleep!"

"John ..." Jeff urged.

"I'm fine!" John sighed and reached up to place his hand on his father's arm. "I swear!"

Jeff forced a wider smile to his lips and took a deep breath. "Okay," He sighed and nodded again. "So, you're all set to go up to the station in the morning and help begin the repairs."

"Sure." John replied firmly, his heart suddenly thudding against his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Again, not my characters, etc.,etc.**

**Happy reading!**

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Seeing the extent of the damage for the first time, John shuddered and was amazed that he had escaped relatively unharmed. Gordon guided Thunderbird 3 around a slow orbit of the station and the four of them gazed out at the damaged station in silence. 

The craft juddered slightly as the docking clamps locked on firmly and Gordon shut down the engines. John frowned in concern as he stood from his chair and felt his legs trembling beneath him. His heart was racing and again the flutter of the butterflies in his stomach made him nauseous.

"Life support holding." Brains offered merrily as he peered at the readouts on the cockpit console before him. "Oxygen levels n-n-n-n-okay."

Virgil nodded and stood to approach the side hatch. He opened the inner door and stepped into the airlock, waiting for the gentle hiss of the air equalising around him.

John followed behind Brains and Gordon and made his way through the inner door. He gasped as an all too familiar smell of burning filled his nose and suddenly he couldn't move.

Brains glanced back momentarily and frowned as he saw John frozen in place, one foot inside the airlock. "John?"

John closed his eyes and tried to ignore the panic that arose within him as suddenly the missile hit replayed over and over in his mind.

"John?"

John opened his eyes and saw that Gordon had hurried back and was now standing before him, a worried frown hanging over his eyes. "I can't ..." John managed in a whisper.

"What?" Gordon urged, "What's wrong?"

John swallowed back the bitter taste in his mouth and slowly composed himself. "Nothing." He managed a thin smile and stepped further into the airlock. "I'm okay."

Gordon nodded and placed his hand on John's arm in reassurance. He looked back over at Brains and Virgil and saw the concern that matched his own.

John walked slowly behind Gordon towards the other side of the airlock and peered into the station beyond the door. The stale smell of charred plastics caught in his tight throat and he instinctively covered his hand with his mouth. He turned and rushed back into the relative safety of Thunderbird 3.

"John?" Gordon was soon hurrying after him and watched in apprehension as his brother sank heavily into one of the flight deck seats and let his head fall into his gloved hands.

"I can't ..." John repeated huskily, "Oh god ... I just ..."

"Hey ..." Gordon crouched down in front of John and placed his hands on his brother's arms. His frown deepened as even through layers of gloves and flight suit he could feel John trembling.

"I ... uh ... oh god ..." John sat up straight and closed his eyes tightly as he shook his head to try and clear the images that played out endlessly. He took a deep shaky breath and groaned as the sickening smell filled his lungs again. Reaching up to rip open the collar of his flight suit, John pulled at the material that seemed to be suddenly too tight. "I can't breathe!" He gasped in fright, "Oh god ... I can't breathe ..."

Gordon swallowed back the lump in his throat that seeing his elder brother so distressed had caused. He turned to see Virgil and Brains watching from the airlock and shook his head in confusion.

Brains put down the various packs and files he had been clutching tightly and stepped carefully back through the inner door. "John ... it's okay ..." He shrugged his shoulders slightly, "It was a traumatic ex-ex-ex-time for you ... but the station is safe ... there's no danger now ..." He edged closer and leaned down to place his arm around John's shoulders.

John flinched at the touch and winced as his hand went to his injured shoulder. He stood suddenly and closed his eyes as his head swam dizzily. "No!" He steadied himself on the console beside him and then slowly began to back away from the door. His retreat halted abruptly as he met the inner hull of Thunderbird 3 and he groaned as the contact jarred his shoulder. "I can't!" John urged in renewed panic as the pain in his shoulder brought the memories into sharper focus. "I can't go in there! I can't!"

Gordon could feel tears welling in his eyes as he saw how scared his brother was. He turned to look up at Brains and found only uncertainty in the scientist's kind face.

"It's okay, John." Virgil stepped down from the airlock and quickly crossed the room to stand before his brother. "You don't have to go in." He looked back at Gordon and Brains and managed a thin smile of reassurance. "You guys go ahead and make a start. I'll stay with John." He watched them nod in agreement and they then headed back up into the station.

"I can't, Virg." John husked quietly and closed his eyes again as he leaned his head back against the hull of the craft.

"It's okay, John ... take it easy." Virgil soothed softly and carefully placed a gloved hand on John's arm. "Take all the time you need."

John frowned and suddenly stepped away from the wall, dragging his sleeve across his face. "God, it's hot in here!" He gasped and fell into the chair beside him. He tore off his gloves and hooked his fingers into the neckline of his undershirt to pull it away from his throat.

Virgil stepped closer to John and leaned against the console beside him. "It'll pass," He offered gently, "You just need a moment."

John nodded and managed a thin smile up at his brother.

"It must have been damn scary to be caught in the blast up here." Virgil continued.

John closed his eyes and swallowed back the bile in his throat.

"I think I'd freak if I'd been through something like that."

"I'm not freaking!" John argued suddenly and glared angrily up at Virgil. "I'm just ..." he groaned and stood slowly. Turning towards the airlock again, he took a deep breath and tried to ignore the sinking of his stomach. "I'm not freaking." He repeated firmly and strode across to the door.

Virgil smiled merrily as he saw that his reverse psychology had worked and John had risen to the challenge in his words. He followed John up into the station and then gasped as his swiftly retreating brother suddenly threw him back against the wall of the airlock.

John stumbled back into Thunderbird 3 and doubled over, clasping his hands over his mouth. It was too late. The little that he had managed for breakfast came spluttering up to spray the floor of the flight deck.

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Jeff listened to the low rumble that moved through the house and watched the display on the computer before him as it indicated the docking progress of the returning craft. He wanted to hurry to meet them as they disembarked but somehow knew that this would not be welcome. Sinking back against the soft leather of his chair, he closed his eyes and mulled over again the message that Virgil had sent before they had left the station.

He had known something wasn't right. There had been something in John's tired blue eyes when they had sat together at breakfast that morning and his son had been too quiet, even by John's standard. An opportunity to talk to John had not risen before the four of them had then left for the station and Jeff now wished he had spoken longer with him last night.

Quick footsteps approaching the office brought Jeff from his musing and he turned to see Virgil hurrying towards him.

"Hey, Dad."

Jeff smiled briefly in greeting. "Where is he?"

"He went straight down to the cliffs." Virgil shrugged, "Said he needed some air."

Jeff nodded thoughtfully.

"He lost it, Dad." Virgil added carefully. "Totally freaked."

Jeff stood slowly from his chair and took a deep breath. "Thanks for bringing him back. It was the right thing to do."

Virgil smiled thinly and then sighed. "You want me to get back up there?"

Jeff frowned in thought and then gently put his arm around Virgil's shoulders to lead him back through to the main house. "In a little while." He nodded, "Have a break from the flight first."

Jeff strode slowly along from the pool and headed down the stony path towards the low cliffs in front of the house. He squinted in the bright late morning sun and peered at the figure sitting out near the edge of the rocky shelf.

John hugged his knees tighter against his chest and gazed out across the sea. Waves crashed against the base of the cliff somewhere below him and thin refreshing spray found its way up to him on the gentle wind. He heard footsteps behind him and closed his eyes, hot tears dribbling down his flushed cheeks.

Jeff carefully sank to the ground and stretched his legs out before him. He leaned back on his arms and sighed heavily.

It seemed an age before either of them spoke and John's voice was quiet as he began. "I'm sorry."

Jeff turned his gaze from the crystal blue expanse of sea to the huddled form of his son and he frowned slightly. John had slipped off the top half of his flight suit and it lay on the ground around his hips. The white undershirt beneath was damp with sweat and Jeff groaned quietly.

"I don't know what happened ..." John continued thinly and closed his eyes, lowering his head to rest his chin between his knees.

"It was too soon." Jeff offered carefully and looked back out at the sea. "You need time."

John mulled this over for a moment and then turned to look at his father.

"Why didn't you talk to me, John?" Jeff glanced at his son and his heart sank as he saw how pale John's face seemed in the bright sun.

John shrugged and swallowed back the lump in his throat. "I don't know." He let go of his knees and slowly crossed his legs beneath him, resting his arms in his lap as he moved to face his father. "I guess ... I guess I thought I'd be okay."

Jeff nodded slowly and a gentle frown again settled over his eyes. "You have no idea how it felt when your emergency signal came through. I thought ... for a moment I thought ..." Jeff cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "It would destroy me to lose any of you but ... you ..." He managed a thin smile. "My rock ... my conscience ..."

John chuckled suddenly and rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Yeah, yeah! Good old sensible, responsible John!"

"Yeah!" Jeff urged sternly and his frown grew. "I don't know what the hell I would have done without you in the years after your mother died. You have know idea how much your constancy, your strength ..."

John watched the emotion that crossed his father's face and held his breath. He had often suspected that the occasional late night talks were exclusive to his ears only but to hear it first hand made his heart sink. He was relied upon. He was supposed to be strong. He had failed.

"Perhaps I expected too much ... demanded too much ..." Jeff offered quietly.

John closed his eyes and searched within him for the right response but all he could think of was the way his father had held Alan last night. He would give anything to be young again. To feel able to give in to the tears and have them soothed by his father's touch, despite knowing that even this would perhaps not be enough.

"Talk to me, John." Jeff urged softly.

John cleared his throat and stood slowly. "I'm gonna go get cleaned up." He replied huskily and headed up into the house.

The hot water was soothing despite the stinging across his back and he leaned further forward into the jets. Resting his arms against the wall either side of the shower, John steadied himself against the powerful flow of water and let it pound against his skin. It was only a few moments before the tears then came and amid the noise of the shower he allowed himself to cry.

He had considered pulling on a fresh flight suit but decided that it would only be kidding himself. There was no way he was going back up there again today. He slid his jeans up over his hips and shuddered as he suddenly wondered if he would ever be able to return to the station.

John heard them talking in low voices as he walked along the hallway towards the lounge. He paused just behind the entrance to the immense room and let himself listen for a moment.

"It was weird." Virgil concluded with a sigh. "He just completely freaked. I've never seen John like that."

"Who knows what goes on in his head?" Scott ventured evenly, "He spends most of his life alone up there."

"Only because one of us _has_ to." Virgil argued, "Personally, I'm grateful for the fact that he doesn't seem to mind. I think I'd go crazy up there on my own." He seemed to pause for a moment to contemplate this notion and then groaned softly. "D'you think that's what's happened? D'you think John's gone mad?"

"Of course not!"

John flinched at the sudden shout and then smiled as he heard his father defending him firmly.

"He just needs time. He'll be fine." Jeff stated sternly and then sighed heavily. "I hope."

"Maybe he should see someone ... to be sure." Scott suggested carefully. "It's easy to justify all this but ... we don't want to miss something ..."

"What?" Virgil asked quietly, "What do you mean?"

"You know ... don't you, Dad." Scott answered. "We've both seen it ... even strong, good men suddenly crumbling."

John frowned in confusion and could feel anger brewing inside him as he listened to his brother's betrayal.

"Post trauma stress." Jeff mumbled thoughtfully.

"So he is crazy." Virgil surmised.

John had heard enough. He cleared his throat loudly and strode into the lounge. "Hey guys." He smiled merrily and wandered across to where they sat together at the large table beside the kitchenette. Their uneasy silence gave him a strange sense of satisfaction and he watched them worry for a second whether he had overheard them.

"Hey John." Jeff smiled up at him and then frowned gently. "You feeling better?"

John shrugged slightly, "I guess." He turned to Virgil and chuckled softly. "Listen, I'm sorry for wigging out on you up there. I don't know what happened – I didn't mean to scare you."

"No problem." Virgil replied with a smile. "You gonna make another go of it and come back with me."

"I ..." John sighed and shrugged his shoulders again.

"Perhaps you ought to take a break, John." Jeff offered warmly. "You were about due one anyhow. Head over to the mainland and clear your head."

John caught sight of the uncertainty on Scott's face and turned to him in interest.

Scott held his gaze evenly. "Maybe you should just get over it."

"Scott!" Jeff warned angrily.

"It's okay, Dad." John offered calmly and walked round the table to stand in front of his brother. "Let him say what he wants to say."

Scott shrugged his shoulders. "We've all been there, John. We face danger each time we leave on a mission. I know it's your first real experience of that reality but you just have to deal with it." He watched the lack of response on his brother's face and frowned slightly. "All of us have had a close shave at some time or another but we didn't - "

"Didn't what?" John demanded in annoyance. "I'm a scientist, Scott. I don't have the military experience you do."

"Neither does Alan." Scott replied evenly.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" John fumed, stepping closer to Scott.

"Stop it!" Jeff warned quickly.

Scott stood slowly and used his height advantage to look down at his brother with a thin smile. "Maybe you should follow the example set by your baby brother and just suck it in."

"That's enough!" Jeff ordered firmly and leapt to his feet. He glared a warning at Scott and then forced a smile to his lips as he turned to John. "We're different people ... we each need to deal with these situations in our own way."

Scott snorted derisively and sat slowly back down into his chair with a shake of his head.

Jeff sighed in dismay as he watched the open hatred on John's face as he glared at his brother. He knew disagreements between his sons were an inevitable part of family life but that didn't mean he had to like them. "John ..." He began carefully and waited for John to slowly turn his attention back to him. "I really think you should get away from here for a short time ... or however long you need ..."

John frowned slightly as he tried to read his father's even expression. "I guess ... if you think so, Dad."

"I do," Jeff nodded.

John took a deep breath and forced his clenched fists to relax at his side.

Jeff smiled warmly and then turned to look at Scott. "And you're about due for some shore leave also. You should go with him."

"What?" Scott jerked his head up from his sullen studying of the table and stared at his father in horror. "You're not serious?!"

"Dad, I don't need a babysitter!" John pleaded.

Jeff shook his head slowly. "None of us should be alone after something like this ... and you two need to settle your differences. End of discussion." He cautioned softly.

Scott groaned and stood from the table. He paused for a moment to glare at John and then stormed from the room.

John turned to his father and frowned slightly. He shook his head and sighed as he headed out through the lounge and into the midday sun.

Virgil regarded his father uneasily and then suddenly chuckled under his breath. "You do realise they'll kill each other."

Jeff shrugged and sipped at his now lukewarm coffee. "If that's what it takes." He offered thinly.


	3. Chapter 3

Scott was still fuming as he shoved his clothes into a holdall and gathered together the few things he might need for an unknown length of time. He had sensed someone approaching the open bedroom door but continued his angry packing and resisted the urge to just tell him to leave him be.

"Why are you so mad at him?"

Scott paused for a moment and closed his eyes. He dropped his bag onto his bed and forced a smile to his face as he turned. "Hey, squirt."

Alan let the nickname that bugged him so wash over him this once and smiled evenly at his brother.

"You heard that, huh?"

"Kinda hard not to." Alan agreed.

Scott saw the expectant look on his baby brother's face and knew he wasn't going to be able to escape without offering some explanation for his outburst a few minutes ago. He laughed softly and sat down heavily on the edge of his bed.

"It's been tough for everyone ..." Alan suggested after a moment. "We should be supporting each other, not ..." He shrugged and shoved his hands into his trouser pockets.

Scott considered this for a time and then smiled up at Alan. "God, squirt ... when did you suddenly grow up?"

Alan's smile faltered for a moment and he leaned against the doorframe. "About three days ago."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They made the journey across the American mainland and over the Atlantic in silence. Scott had offered something of an apology before they had left that afternoon and they had both then settled into an uneasy agreement not to talk about it any further.

John rested his head back against the seat and closed his eyes. Jeff had insisted they take Thunderbird 1 in case an emergency arose and they were needed. It made sense and had relieved somewhat the notion that they were completely abandoning the place but John had regretted the idea the moment the retros fired and they had shot from the island. It wasn't his first trip in the powerful craft and he was used to the intense journey up to the station but the g-forces plagued his still unsettled stomach nonetheless. He tried to breathe evenly and focus on something other than the need to vomit.

They had been undecided where to go at first. John had felt disheartened at the thought of jetting off when there was work to be done and that was when their father had suggested the idea of helping with the continued investigation into the attack of the island. There was concern that there may be associates of the Hood still at large and Jeff was keen to assist the various government agencies around the globe to track them down.

"Thunderbird 1 to Lady P."

John opened his eyes as Scott's voice suddenly filled the cockpit and he peered out at the land that rushed by beneath them.

"Go ahead, Scott." Came the gentle reply.

"We're making our approach. Permission to land?"

"Certainly. Set her down at the far end of the lawn by the trees. Parker will meet you there to help conceal her."

"F.A.B." Scott agreed.

"See you in five." Penelope continued. "Oh, and Scott? Try not to scorch the grass."

Scott laughed and steered the craft into a slow descent over the countryside.

The gentle wind coming in over the low fields beyond the estate carried with it the musty scent of wet leaves. It had stopped raining about an hour ago and now the grey-tinted clouds shone with a thousand shades of sunset orange.

John sat at the top of the small stone staircase that lead down to the long lawn behind the main house and gazed out at the early evening sky. It was chilly out here in the damp air and he folded his arms closer against his chest.

He held his breath as he heard the door behind him open slowly and he waited for the footfalls on the terrace. The gentle tap of heeled shoes gave an instant clue as to who was coming outside and he sighed in relief.

John smiled in gratitude as the woollen blanket was gently draped around his shoulders and he looked down at the soft material. Pink. A dark, almost red pink that wasn't as garish as it perhaps could have been but pink nonetheless.

She descended part way down the staircase beside him and then also perched on the top step, shivering slightly as she looked out at the radiant sky. "Your father is very worried about you." Penelope offered quietly, her gaze fixed on the changing pattern of clouds.

John nodded slightly. He knew their cover story of simply wanting to visit her and help her investigation would not have lasted long. He had wondered if she would perhaps force Scott to tell her the truth but now he knew that she had simply called his father.

"Would it help to talk?" Penelope continued and slowly turned to look at him. "Or does that only make it harder?"

John smiled thinly. He hadn't really talked to anyone yet so he wasn't sure. He replied to her query with a shrug of his shoulders and glanced at her warily.

"Parker is a good listener." Penelope grinned suddenly.

John laughed and shook his head in amusement.

"Actually, I think my incessant rambling may simply bore him to tears which only gives the illusion of him being attentive to my observations."

"Oh, please!" John turned and smiled at her. "That man worships the ground you walk on!" He watched her blush slightly and then his smile faded as he saw something behind her gentle blue eyes. "Just like a father ..." He concluded for her softly.

Penelope watched the emotion that seemed to be trying to cross John's face and the warm smile on her lips faltered for a moment. "He thinks he failed you." She offered quietly.

"_He_ failed _me_?" John gasped in wonder.

Penelope nodded, "He thinks he put too much pressure on you and failed to notice how much strain you were under."

John shook his head slowly. "No." He took a deep breath and let it out in a loud sigh. "No, this isn't his fault. Neither of us had any idea how I would cope in that situation ..." John turned to Penelope and the last remnants of his smile faded. "I guess Alan and have both proved ourselves ... only somewhat differently ..."

"Oh, John ..." Penelope reached out and placed her hand on the blanket where it covered his arm.

"He's gone up to help with the repairs." John continued after a moment. "My little brother has taken his first space flight ... and I wasn't there to help him." He shook his head slowly, "Not that he needs any help, it's just ... I wanted to be there ... to show him the station ... show him the stars ..."

Penelope listened quietly and watched as John seemed to suddenly be fighting back tears.

"But I just can't face it. I just - " he swallowed back the lump in his throat and closed his eyes.

Penelope took a deep breath and recalled what Jeff had told her of John's reaction to returning to the station. "Perhaps it will be different when the repairs are completed." She suggested carefully.

John slowly composed himself and forced a smile to his lips as he glanced back at her. "Yeah, maybe ..."

"It's either that or you simply try again," Penelope continued, "Maybe you reacted how you did because it was the first time going back. It might be easier next time."

John frowned as he looked into her concerned face and was suddenly worried about how much detail she knew of his freak out that morning.

"I don't know for sure," Penelope shrugged, "I'm only guessing as I've never been in your situation."

John nodded slowly and could taste the bitterness of the bile in his throat as the memory of the explosion came to his thoughts. "Suddenly realising that the home you have come to love is actually only a few sheets of metal between you and the nothing of space."

Penelope waited for him to continue but then watched in dismay as he again closed his eyes and a lone tear suddenly escaped down his cheek. She held her breath and, wanting desperately to comfort him somehow, carefully moved her hand up to stroke his hair, noting the way he leaned into her touch.

John could feel his composure beginning to crumble but suddenly it didn't matter. This woman was his father's best friend – perhaps more than that – and she was the closest thing to a mother he had right now. He was aware of her moving closer to him and he tensed slightly as she carefully slipped her arm around his shoulders. With a gentle pull she eased him nearer and the unspoken reassurance was soothing. He could feel further tears gathering as he sank against her and let his cheek rest against the soft cotton shoulder of her fitted jacket.

Penelope held him against her and could feel his gentle trembling. She frowned as she tried to think of something helpful to say but then decided that perhaps simply her closeness was enough right now.

They sat there together for what seemed an age. The sunset was beginning to fade into the approaching darkness and it was becoming gradually colder. Penelope adjusted her position slightly on the hard stone step and again let her hand wander up into John's soft hair. She smiled as he mumbled appreciatively at her touch. There was no intimacy in their embrace, yet she was aware of every slight movement of his body where it met hers and the agreeable scent of hint of aftershave on warm skin. Her heart was soon racing as she allowed herself to recall an evening much like this when she had offered his father comfort and it had led to so much more.

John took a deep breath and let the strain of the past few days settle in his mind. For a moment he was able to mull over the attack on the station without feeling the need to expel the contents of his stomach. He tried to piece together the details of that day and push aside the confusing glimpses of the nightmares he had since experienced. After a few minutes, he took a deep breath and slowly sat back up straight.

Penelope turned to watch John move away from her and saw the brief smile of gratitude that he offered her. She shrugged slightly, trying to convey her wish that she could somehow do more to help him but his demeanour had changed now and she sensed that he wanted to be rid of the melancholy that had settled over him. "Darling, you so need to do your roots." She offered merrily.

John laughed suddenly and reached up to pull at a lock of short fringe self-consciously. "I thought it might look more funky this way." He shrugged and then grinned sheepishly. "And I'm starting to worry if Alan's right and one day it'll all fall out."

Penelope chuckled and shook her head slowly. "It wouldn't, would it?"

"I don't know."

Penelope looked up at his hair and frowned slightly. "What is your natural colour?"

"Sort of a medium brown blond ... ish."

"I thought you'd be light, like Alan." Penelope nodded thoughtfully.

John shrugged slightly, "I guess ... but it's darker than that ... I let it grow out once and ..." He frowned suddenly and turned away from her.

"Why do you bleach it?"

"Because then I can look in the mirror and not see Mom." He replied matter-of-factly.

Penelope closed her eyes and swallowed back the lump that arose in her throat. Suddenly she was worried that perhaps Scott was right and the quieter, more withdrawn of the Tracy brothers was concealing far more serious troubles than those he was trying to deal with at the moment. "John ..." She began carefully, "I have a friend who's a therapist and - "

"What?!" John demanded gently.

Penelope saw the anger that flashed briefly in his tired eyes and she shrugged her shoulders. "Nothing ... it was only an idea." She then turned as she heard the door behind them open and she watched Parker quickly trying to judge whether it was okay to interrupt.

"Excuse me, m'lady." Parker shrugged an apology, "But I thought you would want to know that our boys have just captured a certain submarine just off the south coast."

Penelope sighed in relief and smiled merrily. "Oh, that's wonderful! Thank you, Parker."

The butler nodded slightly, "And I took the liberty of contacting Mr. Tracy with the good news."

"Thank you." Penelope acknowledged and glanced at John. "Could you please put the kettle on, Parker. We'll be in shortly." She watched the butler's slight bow and saw his hesitation as he glanced again at John and then headed back into the house.

John turned to Penelope and smiled warmly. "That's a relief." He agreed merrily.

"Good old secret service." Penelope chuckled, "Here's hoping they were given permission to use all necessary force."

John nodded and laughed slightly.

"It's getting cold out here." Penelope then observed with a shiver. "Let's go inside."

"I'll be there in a minute." John glanced up at the darkening sky and shrugged his shoulders.

"Ah ..." Penelope looked up and saw amid the clouds the first few faint spots of light beginning to appear above them. "I'll leave you to chat with your friends." She smiled and got to her feet.

"Penny?" John called after her quickly and looked up to see her turning back in interest.

Penelope saw his slight pause and smiled in understanding. "Don't mention it."

Laughter filtered through from the other end of the house and John followed the sound through the hall. He smiled as he wandered into the drawing room and saw his brother chatting animatedly on the telephone.

Penelope looked up from her magazine and smiled warmly at John. She could tell that he had been crying since she had left him but he was trying very hard to seem cheerful and she returned her attention to the article she had been reading.

"Okay!" Scott declared merrily and put down the phone. "Johnny baby, we are sorted!" He sighed loudly and stretched his arms above his head.

"We are?" John chuckled nervously.

"Yup!" Scott clapped his hands together and stood from the sofa. "I decided that what we need is a good night out and luckily Freddy and Max are free tonight."

"Freddy?" John confirmed with a frown.

Scott laughed and nodded eagerly. "Like I said – a good night out."

Penelope watched the concern that crossed John's face and she frowned in intrigue. "Who's Freddy?"

"Captain Freddy Forrester. Her Majesty's Royal Air Force." Scott replied in a rough attempt to imitate Penelope's accent.

Penelope raised one eyebrow inquisitively. "Indeed?"

Scott nodded eagerly, "He's a friend from the space program." He saw the doubt in John's half smile and laughed merrily. "He'll sort you out."

John's frown deepened. "Isn't he the guy that nearly got you arrested on your 21st birthday?"

"Yeah!" Scott enthused and then seemed suddenly lost in the memory of the infamous night in question. He sighed contentedly and stepped closer to John, carefully slipping an arm around his shoulders. "Exactly. We need Freddy."

John shrugged away from Scott and headed across to the sofa. He sat down and glanced at Penelope before then smiling up at Scott. "Maybe some other time."

"Aww, come on, Johnny!" Scott whined, "It'll be a blast! Dad said we could relax a little now that the Hood's cronies have been rounded up."

John laughed and shook his head. "I don't think he meant for you to take that as a free pass to wild-and-crazy-land."

Scott sighed loudly, "It's only a couple of drinks with friends."

"Yeah. That's how it always starts!" John countered merrily. "Then there are more drinks and girls and photographers and police ..."

Penelope put down her magazine and watched the exchange between the two brothers in interest. "Then perhaps you definitely ought to go, John." She offered softly, "If only to ensure that your brother behaves himself." Penelope turned to Scott and a smile danced on her lips.

Scott nodded eagerly and then glanced at his watch. "I'll go call a cab."

"Don't be silly!" Penelope argued quickly, "Take one of my cars!"

"Wo!" Scott laughed loudly and raised his hands in protest. "Dude! If you think I'm turning up at Freddy's in a pink convertible ...!"

Penelope's smile grew and she folded her arms across her chest. "And what, may I ask, is wrong with pink?"

"Where d'you want me to start?!" Scott grinned.

Penelope stood slowly and stepped closer to him. "Since when do you have a problem with pink?" she urged gently.

Scott regarded her amused expression for a moment and then folded his arms to match her stance. "I don't." he answered evenly. "You do."

"I wouldn't go there, Master Tracy." Parker offered quickly as he wandered into the lounge to collect the tea set and empty plates from the centre table. "The 'pink debate' is one that you will most definitely lose." He glanced at Penelope and a smile pulled at his lips. "M'lady." He nodded and carried the crockery from the room.

Penelope watched the butler leave and then turned her attention back to Scott, smiling up at him expectantly.

"I'll get back to you." Scott chuckled, "Let's go, John."

Penelope watched Scott hurry from the room and laughed in amusement. "Wimp!" She shouted after his fleeing form and then turned to John.

John sighed and slowly got to his feet.

"Oh, surely it won't be all that bad!" Penelope frowned.

John shrugged slightly and shoved his hands into his jeans pockets, "I'm just not in the mood."

Penelope stepped closer to him and placed her hand on his arm. "If you'd like, I'll wait up for you and we can continue our little chat."

"Yeah ... maybe ..." John agreed with a small smile.

Penelope chuckled softly and turned from him to wander from the room. "And suddenly a few rounds with your brother and his boisterous friends doesn't seem such a bad idea!"


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey guys! Many, many thanks for your reviews – glad you like it!

Ok, new character arrives in this chapter but it's a plot point, not an excuse to get someone into John's pants! Rest assured, this isn't going to go all rose-tinted and sappy! Trust me!

Oh, and another thing; my tale is relying on a timescale to an extent so, just to clarify, I'm suggesting the incident on T5 happened on a Saturday morning (assuming Alan was picked up for spring break on a Friday afternoon ... but perhaps I've thought about this way too much ... !!).

Usual disclaimer: none of the T'Birds characters or names are mine. They're just being lent to my imagination for a while.

* * *

It was a trap. His defences had been compromised through stress and lack of sleep and he had walked straight into an ambush. John sat back against the cushions of the padded bench and frowned in annoyance. The 'few drinks with friends' cover had been blown as soon as they had stepped from the train and met up with Freddy and Max beneath the clock in the busy station and the true plans for the evening had been revealed. Not wanting to prove his brother's theory about him, John had somehow resisted the urge to simply turn and get back onto a train and had followed them into the centre of town.

He had known where this was going. He had walked past several opportunities to get out of this situation and only had himself to blame but it was more fun to place his anger squarely at his brother's feet.

Scott laughed loudly at yet another of Freddy's boorish observations concerning the crowd that mingled around them and tried to ignore the daggers that John was repeatedly throwing his way.

"Okey-dokey!" Max declared merrily as he rejoined them at the table and set a new tray of drinks down between them. "I believe it is my turn to challenge."

"Indeed!" Freddy agreed happily and eagerly grabbed his next drink.

"Do your worst." Scott raised his glass in acknowledgement of the continuing game.

Max took a long mouthful of his beer and frowned in thought. "Where were we up to?" He thought aloud and then suddenly laughed excitedly. "Aha! Phone number." He put down his drink and checked his watch. "Twenty minutes, chaps!" Max leaned back to pull his mobile phone from his trouser pocket and grinned at Scott. "And we will be calling to check authenticity!"

Scott giggled and nodded in agreement. "Up the stakes as much as you like, my friend." He drank down half of his beer and stood quickly. "You will still lose!"

John watched his brother quickly immerse himself into the crowd and disappear from sight.

"What about you, Johnny?" Freddy asked carefully. "You up for this one?"

John shook his head and managed a thin smile. "No, thanks. I'll guard the drinks."

"A noble gesture!" Max nodded gratefully and leapt to his feet in pursuit of Scott.

"You okay?" Freddy paused on the edge of his seat and frowned at John in concern.

John nodded and glanced at the people around them. "You're losing."

"Shit!" Freddy gasped and hurried from the table.

As much as he hated to admit it, watching his brother return victoriously to the table after only a few minutes was amusing. Scott had won every one of their childish challenges thus far and he was in his element. John smiled as he watched his brother sink into his chair and sigh heavily.

"Hey!" Scott grinned happily and pointed at John. "That's more like it, buddy!"

John shrugged his shoulders and allowed the smile to linger for a moment. "You realise it's unfair to let them think they have a chance."

Scott nodded and sipped at his drink. "Maybe. But there'd be no game otherwise."

"But how do they know it's just a game?"

"Freddy invented it!" Scott laughed.

John shook his head, "I don't mean Max and Freddy."

Scott frowned suddenly.

"The women that you're teasing." John continued softly, his smile fading. "Do they know it's all just a game?"

Scott sighed loudly and shook his head. "God, how can we be related?" He groaned, "Will you please just lighten the fuck up?!"

John swallowed back the remark that came to his lips and looked down at his hands.

"It's just fun, John." Scott continued, leaning across the table to glare at John in annoyance. "You remember fun, don't you?"

John glanced up at his brother and decided not to comment. He didn't like the way Scott's tone had suddenly changed and guessed that continuing this train of thought after several beers was unwise.

"Everyone in this place has come here to escape for a while and have fun. We're only doing what everybody else is doing." Scott argued in frustration. "Hell, there's probably packs of girls challenging each other to try and get off with us! It doesn't mean anything."

"Exactly." John agreed quietly, "It's so hollow and empty. I would think you were better than that."

"And what the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean?!" Scott demanded angrily, "Listen, I know you've been through a shitty time but I was there, dude – I know how close we came to - " He closed his eyes and shook his head slowly. "The way I see it, we can either grow from it … or let it consume us … and, personally, I'm not gonna let that sick fuck get one over on me!"

John looked back up at Scott and watched him for a moment, letting his brother's words settle in his confused thoughts.

Scott held his brother's steady gaze and his heart sank as he suddenly noticed the dark patches under John's eyes and the heaviness of his shoulders. "God, John … what happened before we got there …?" He groaned softly, "Why d'you freak like that when you went back to Thunderbird 5?"

John gasped and looked about them worriedly. Hoards of people danced and chatted as they edged past their table and suddenly it seemed to him that any one of them could be a threat.

"John?" Scott urged and followed his gaze to watch the people around them. "Oh, I wouldn't worry." He chuckled softly, "It's too loud for people to hear us and, even if they did, everyone's totally too drunk to remember anything we might say!"

John turned back to Scott and frowned in concern. "How can you be sure?"

"I just am." Scott shrugged.

John's frown grew and he sighed in dismay. "I wish I had your confidence …"

Scott watched the sorrow that seemed to settle on John's pale face and suddenly he wished he had not dragged him out here. He began to realise that perhaps the loud club was exactly what John did not need right now and he tried to think of a way to make amends. His deliberation lasted all of a few moments, for Freddy and Max then came bursting back to the table and breathlessly declared their successes.

"Sorry, boys." John offered as merrily as he could, "Stud-muffin here has wiped the floor with you yet again."

"Stud-muffin?!" Scott laughed in delight and then turned to see his friends glaring at him in annoyance. "Stud-muffin." He shrugged and sighed happily.

It was somewhere in between the sixth and seventh round of drinks that John discovered he could sink back against the seat and simply let the noise of his surroundings wash over him. His brother and his friends were off mingling amid the crowd and apparently attempting to break as many hearts as they possibly could in one evening. He couldn't blame them really; it wasn't their fault that they were so attractive. John frowned as he wondered whether he should actually be thinking such a thing and he tried to clear his mind of all notion that his brother was damned hot.

He still thought the games that Scott and his friends were playing were childish but the odd thing was that he was becoming tempted to join in. It would no doubt amuse Scott if his brother suddenly threw caution into the wind and went wild but there was also the possibility that he would never hear the end of it. John frowned and tried to weigh up in his mind the consequences of giving in to his intrigue and ignoring the sensible side of his nature for a moment.

It must be the painkillers. There was a distant memory somewhere in his woozy mind that alcohol did not mix well with Codeine and he wondered if the damage might be permanent. Not that it would be so bad to feel so chilled out all the time; to finally not have any worries about anything; to in fact be able to think about spaceships exploding without any change of pace in his steady pulse.

John frowned as suddenly he recalled what his father had told him about painkillers. He shuddered and his mind was abruptly pulled back to the present and the reality of his situation. John took a deep breath and rubbed at his tired eyes. He looked up into the crowd and contemplated getting up to go and find Scott. It must be getting late now and they ought to get back and sober up in case they were needed.

He had noticed her a while ago. His determination not to join in with his brother's escapades had made him try to ignore her but, though he had avoided looking in her direction since their first glance at each other, he was aware that she was still there.

John turned to look across the club and saw that she was facing away from him. He allowed himself a moment to watch her as she listened to the animated chatter of the group she was sat with and he was again aware of how familiar her demeanour seemed. Her body language almost mirrored his own and he could tell even from this distance that she wanted to be here just as much as he did. Suddenly he was intrigued and he wondered why sometimes she seemed so very sad. He was lost in his musing for a moment and it took him a while to realise that she had turned and was now watching him. His heart slammed into his chest as all at once he saw that she knew he had been staring and he thought she glared a warning before she turned away from him.

Oh shit. How long had he been blatantly staring? John closed his eyes and groaned inwardly. When he looked back up, he saw that she had moved and he quickly searched the crowd for her face. His eyes soon rested on a familiar form at the bar and before he knew what he was doing he was standing and heading towards her. Despite the warning signals clanging at the back of his mind, he had to explain that he wasn't the person she took him for and he had not meant to stare.

John sought a gap in the crowd beside the bar and managed to catch the attention of one of the staff. The bottled water he bought was icy cold and helped clear his muzzy head. No more alcohol, he promised himself and turned to see if she was still there.

"Hello."

John froze. She was standing right beside him, a slight smile of what might have been apprehension pulling at her lips.

"You look like you're loving this place about as much as I am." She continued, her smile growing and a slight shrug of her shoulders conveying some degree of uneasiness.

John swallowed hard and managed a brief nod. "My friends dragged me here."

"Me, too." She sighed loudly, "I was promised that all my problems would be solved by vodka and mind-numbingly loud music!"

John laughed gently, "You got suckered in by that line too, huh?"

She nodded and rolled her eyes in exaggerated annoyance before then frowning up at him in interest. "American?"

"You got me." John smiled.

"It's hard to tell sometimes," She explained, "American, Canadian, Irish … whatever you chose, you might offend someone!"

"I guess."

"You live here?" She continued.

John shook his head, "Visiting friends. You?"

"Same. I live in London." She sighed, "But probably not for much longer." She looked down at the bottled beer in her hand and became serious for a moment.

John allowed his gaze to move around her form now that she wasn't looking at him and their close proximity allowed him to see more detail. Her short hair was not one colour but many tones of dark browns and reds. The smart shirt and trousers she wore were more modest than those of most of the other women in the place yet clung attractively to her figure, allowing the slightest glimpse of cleavage and he wondered if this was intentional. She had a faint scar on her forehead that he suddenly wanted to know more about and he found himself imagining what she might do at work with her slender but undecorated fingers.

"Have you ever - " she looked back up at him suddenly and paused as she noticed him studying her. "What …?" She asked carefully.

"Nothing." John replied quickly and smiled down at her, his heart thudding against his chest as a gentle frown settled over her dark eyes. "I was just imagining how smug my friends are going to be now that I'm glad I came."

Her face relaxed into a warm smile and she nodded her thanks at the compliment.

"Was that too much?" John continued, "I'm not exactly a pro at this."

She nodded with enthusiasm, "Which in itself is refreshing." She shrugged and glanced around them, "It's not so bad, I guess, it's just - " she gasped suddenly as someone collided into her back and almost sent her toppling forwards.

"Sorry!" The man laughed and raised his hands in apology. He grabbed her shoulder to steady her and smiled down at her. "On second thoughts," He slurred in amusement, "I'm not sorry at all! Hello, pretty!"

"Get off!" She demanded angrily and shrugged free of his grip.

"Ooh, get you!" The man grinned in delight and moved closer to her, "You're a feisty one! I bet you're a good f - " he was abruptly silenced as her fist suddenly met with his jaw and he stared at her in horror. After a moment, his shock became anger and he advanced towards her again.

John stepped forward to assist her and then watched in amusement and approval as the sleezy man's pride – and possibly one of his teeth – was knocked out of him with another swift blow to his jaw and he collapsed unceremoniously to the floor.

"Piss off, creep!" She spat furiously and watched him crawl quickly away from her.

John laughed and noticed the people around them were equally impressed with her swift solution. He turned to congratulate her and frowned as he watched her leaning heavily on the bar, a brief flash of pain crossing her face. "You okay?" he urged worriedly and moved closer to her, somewhat warily after her recent display of strength.

She nodded and smiled unconvincingly up at him. "I just need some air."

It had been raining again and an icy dampness hung in the alley beside the club. John shivered slightly and shoved his hands into his jeans pocket as he matched her slow pacing.

"I shouldn't have done that." She said softly, her voice suddenly seeming loud in the quiet alley. She looked down at her right hand and flexed her already bruising fingers.

John smiled slightly. "But did it make you feel better?"

"Yeah!" She laughed suddenly and glanced up at him. "Or, for a moment, anyway."

"Then it was worth it." John offered lightly, "It was good to watch." He added in amusement. "Maybe I should try it?"

"I wouldn't recommend it!" She chuckled and shook her throbbing hand. She folded her arms and frowned suddenly.

"No," John agreed gently, "I can remember one time when my brother - " he stopped as he saw her unfold her arms and stare in dismay at the dark matter on her fingers. "What the hell?!" He demanded frantically and stepped closer to examine her hand.

"It's okay." She sighed and smiled thinly up at him. "I think I just pulled a few stitches." She lifted her left arm carefully and peered at the small glistening patch on the side of her shirt. "I'm fine."

John frowned in horror at the blood and then slowly looked up into her face. "What happened?"

She swallowed hard and shook her head. "I don't want to talk about it." She husked and then cleared her throat. "It's nothing … really …"

"You should see a doctor." John offered.

"I've seen several." She laughed suddenly, "They sewed me up and one told me I was unfit to work." Her smile faded and she looked down at the drying blood on her fingertips. "Not that I could even if I wanted to …"

John watched her in silence and suddenly found his reaction on returning to the station playing over in his mind. Maybe that was it. Maybe he had sensed that she was hurting much as he was. Maybe people who have been through a traumatic experience give off some sort of unconscious sign. Maybe he ought to stay off the painkillers.

"It's not how I thought it would be." She continued suddenly and looked up into John's concerned face. "I thought you were supposed to have some great epiphany when you faced death."

John swallowed back the lump that had suddenly caught in his throat and shrugged his shoulders. "I guess it depends on what you believe in." He replied softly, "But … no … there's no sudden clarity … no great answer … it's just … nothing." He watched her begin to realise that he knew what he was talking about and saw the relief that pulled at her lips but then she seemed to be afraid of the notion and she stepped away from him.

"It's cold out here, I'm going back."

John watched her turn away from him and then closed his eyes. His mind was filled with the memory of seeing his own blood smeared on his gloves and the pain of the deep gash between his shoulders. Suddenly he could smell the burning station and hear the shrill wailing of the sirens. He could remember floating helplessly and gasping for the slightest quantity of oxygen in the hot, stale air.

"There you are!"

John opened his eyes and frowned in confusion as he slowly orientated himself back into the present.

"Dude!" Scott laughed and jogged down the alley towards John. "I've been looking everywhere for you!" He then seemed to notice the woman walking away from John and watched her in intrigue for a moment. "I thought maybe you'd had enough and bailed on us – you could have told me you were simply upping the game!"

"Scott!" John cautioned quickly and shook his head.

Scott's smile faded as he neared them and now sensed the uneasy atmosphere. He looked from the woman to his brother and shook his head in confusion.

"We both needed some air." John explained quietly. "I was just talking with - " He frowned suddenly as he realised that he had no idea who she was and he groaned as he watched her turn out of the alley and disappear from view.

Scott watched his brother in silence for a moment and then suddenly gave a gentle laugh. "I get it … you pretend to be all holier than thou and give me shit for having fun and then you sneak outside with a hot brunette!"

"We were only talking." John urged.

"Okay, okay!" Scott raised his hands in defence, "Whatever you say, bro'!"

John sighed in annoyance and moved past Scott to head back into the club.

"I'm sorry." Scott called after him.

John halted and turned back to look at Scott's suddenly sombre expression.

Scott wandered over to John and shrugged his shoulders. "I had a moment of realisation while I was taking a piss and suddenly saw what a dick I've been."

John frowned at his brother and then suddenly laughed. "While you were taking a _piss_?!"

Scott grinned sheepishly, "I've been drinking, dude!" He chuckled at himself and then again became serious. "Do you want to leave?"

"I guess," John replied honestly and took a deep breath.

"It's your brain, isn't it."

"What?"

Scott shrugged and stepped closer to John. "You use it too much."

John laughed in amusement and then suddenly understood where his brother was coming from; thinking and brooding had not helped so far, maybe it was time to see if the Scott Tracy coping method was more effective. "Come on," He placed his hand on Scott's shoulder and guided him back towards the club. "I think the beer is working: the hot brunette intrigues me."

"Okay!" Scott enthused merrily, "Lets go see if she has any hot friends."

It was inevitable. With the mood that Max and Freddy were in, none of the female crowd would be able to escape their charm. John made his way back through the hot, smoky club and sought out the table where he had first seen her. He smiled merrily as he saw her sitting back with her friends but as he moved closer he then saw two familiar figures sat amongst them.

"Wahey! Johnny-babes!" Freddy called out happily and waved in greeting.

John managed a smile in return and swallowed hard as he reached the table and noticed her trying to avoid his gaze.

"Another pilot?" One of the girls asked in interest as she looked John up and down.

"No, Johnny here is a scientist." Freddy replied, "He's better with his brains than his hands."

John was sure he heard a groan of dismay move through the table of women and he frowned slightly, suddenly feeling uncomfortable under their scrutiny.

"Dudes!" Scott declared in delight as he arrived on the scene.

John watched in amusement as all female attention instantly moved to his brother and Max and Freddy sighed in dismay.

"That's it, then." Freddy groaned, "Back to insignificance we crawl."

"You're old and boring anyway, Forrester!" One of the girls giggled.

"Yeah, English fly-boys were last year." Another agreed, "Been there, done that."

Scott raised his eyebrows in interest and looked around at the group. "You guys know each other?"

Freddy nodded eagerly, "We had a good thing going, too."

"Says you!" Three of the women laughed together.

Freddy feigned offence and turned away from them with a scoff.

"Oh, they're only teasing!" Max assured and then frowned worriedly, "Aren't you?"

The three women between Max and Freddy laughed and nodded in reassurance. Their attention then turned back to Scott and John and they regarded them in interest.

"Scott, John," Freddy offered, "Meet Paula, Kate, Leanne and - " he shrugged slightly as he looked towards the woman sitting at the end of the bench.

"Alex." Kate added helpfully.

John held his breath and glanced quickly at her. She smiled a polite greeting towards him and his brother and then turned her attention back to her bottle of beer.

"So, Scott …" Paula smiled up at him. "Are American pilots as much fun as our boys?"

Max groaned loudly and rolled his eyes. "Oh, just pretend you're English will you, Scott!"

"Yeah! Piss off Tracy!" Freddy agreed with a sigh, "We were here first!"

Scott laughed and smiled in greeting at the women that were openly admiring him. He then recognised the quieter of the group and glanced at John. "Actually, John was."

"Ha!" Freddy scoffed in disbelief, "I thought he wasn't playing."

John closed his eyes and prayed that the ground would open up and consume him. He so did not want to be associated with their childish escapades right now and was sure he could feel disappointment coming from her.

"How far d'you get then, Johnny-whizz-kid?" Max asked in amusement. "As I recall, you had some serious catching up to do."

Scott could sense the discomfort coming from his brother and he shook his head slowly, "Leave it, Max." He warned softly and stepped closer to John.

"Thought as much," Freddy added with a chuckle, "Girls don't go for brooding any more, Johnny – they want action." He grinned in delight as the women around him giggled mischievously.

"Shy, quiet type, eh?" Leanne smiled up at John and then leaned forward to peer along the table, "Sounds just right for you, Alex."

John opened his eyes and watched her shrug a reply. She then stood and, with a brief glance in his direction, walked off into the crowd.

"Ugh, she's so miserable tonight!" Paula groaned.

"I'm worried about her." Kate countered.

John watched Alex's friends and wondered if they had any idea why she was evidently not herself. He peered out across the dance floor and tried to spot her among the mass of people.

"Go on." Scott urged quietly.

John spun round and saw his brother smiling fondly at him. He frowned in confusion and shook his head.

"Dude, you've spent far too much time alone!" Scott laughed softly and nodded in the direction she had gone. "That look so meant 'follow me'."

"It did?" John's frown deepened and he turned to peer again into the crowd.

"Dude!" Scott laughed gently and gave John a careful nudge forward. "Don't analyse it – just go! I'll keep these guys off your tail."

John smiled suddenly and glanced back at the table of women. "Wow … you'd really sacrifice yourself like that?"

"Smart ass!" Scott grinned and shoved John a little harder. "Get going."

After several minutes of squeezing through the writhing bodies on the dance floor and peering around at the hundreds of faces among the crowded bar, John decided that Scott had got it wrong and she had in fact simply left. He sighed and began to wonder how hard it would be for Penelope to locate her. He had a clear image of her face in his mind and he now knew part of her name, it wouldn't be impossible. Of course, he would have to endure the inevitable questioning and perhaps teasing that asking Penny to help might create but he had an idea that it might just be worth it.

"I want to apologise for my friends."

John smiled and turned slowly to see her standing behind him. "Don't." He shrugged, "They're no worse than mine."

Alex nodded and stepped closer to him. "They're just having fun. Any other time, I'd be joining in but …"

"Not tonight." John offered softly.

Alex shook her head slowly.

"What would you rather do tonight?" John smiled.

"Snuggle up in my pj's," Alex laughed gently, "Watch a soppy old movie and have a hot chocolate."

"Ah," John nodded, "It's like that, is it?"

"No, it's worse than that," Alex's smile faded suddenly, "But there's not much that anyone can do about that."

John watched her suddenly fighting back tears and moved closer to her. He reached out timidly and placed his hand on her arm, suddenly remembering that she could floor him if he made a wrong move. "Can't help you right now with the movie or chocolate." He began carefully, "But I can snuggle pretty well."

Alex laughed briefly and her face then crumpled as she fell against him and threw her arms around his waist.

John closed his eyes and held her tightly against him. She buried her face into his neck and even amid the commotion of the packed dance floor he could hear her crying gently. He leaned his cheek against the top of her head and gently stroked his hands up and down her back.

"Sorry." Alex whispered after a moment.

John shook his head slowly.

"Not quite the first impression one wishes to make." She continued and leaned back from him, her hands moving to rest at his hips as she stepped away slightly.

"That's debatable." John smiled.

"Thanks," Alex nodded, "I've just … it's been tough lately and – oh, you don't want to hear this!"

"Try me." John countered and then laughed gently, "Not that it's actually very easy to hear you in here!"

Alex nodded in agreement and glanced around them. "I'm surprised it's this

busy, mid-week." She shrugged slightly.

"Wasn't there a football thing tonight?" John frowned, recalling having seen Parker settled happily in front of the immense TV in the games room when he and Scott had left.

"Probably," Alex nodded and rolled her eyes. "There usually is." She smiled up at him and then frowned slightly. "Is it bleached?"

John laughed and nodded an affirmative.

"It's cool!" Alex enthused, "In this light, it's almost glowing!"

John laughed again and reached up to try and pull a piece of his fringe into his vision.

"So, you're not in the air force – like the other guys?"

John shook his head and combed his fingers through his hair.

"What are you a scientist of?"

"Space." John replied. It was so easy to lie, so easy to let their cover story roll off of his tongue. But tonight it felt wrong.

Alex raised her eyebrows and nodded in approval. "Exciting stuff!"

"I guess." John shrugged.

"Sorry," Alex sighed, "You don't like talking shop?"

John smiled thinly, "What about you? What do you do?"

Alex looked away from him and then nodded towards a group of men that had just descended onto the dance floor. "There's our answer." She smiled and watched them waving their team scarves in the air in celebration.

John watched her for a moment and was suddenly aware of every inch of her body that touched his; the gentle weight of her hands on his hips and the sweet smell of the styling products in her hair. "I know what it's like, Alex."

Alex slowly turned back to him, her eyes filled with apprehension as she waited for him to continue.

"A few days ago there was an attack on my lab." John offered quietly, his heart pounding in his ears, "Some crazy radicals who wanted to make a statement or something but … I was caught up in the explosion and then the people that came to help me got trapped." He swallowed back the lump in his throat and watched the horror in her face fade as she began to realise what he was telling her. "I know what it's like to think that you might die … to relive that feeling every waking moment … and to know that nothing will ever be as it was."

Alex closed her eyes and tears trickled down her flushed cheeks. She nodded in agreement and slowly leaned towards him, slipping her arms tightly back around his waist.

"It's okay …" John nestled his face into her hair and sighed loudly. "It'll be okay."

"How?" Alex husked.

"I don't know." John replied quietly, blinking away his own tears as he hugged her tighter against him. "I just don't know."


	5. Chapter 5

As much as he hated to admit it, they did have a point. He had made clear his opinion of their antics in the club and yet now he had scored the highest in their game.

It had begun when Alex had become more upset. Exhaustion and alcohol had lowered her defences and she had reached a point where composure no longer mattered. He was sure it was an inevitable part of the process and that he no doubt had the sobbing stage to look forward to but right then all he could think about was her and getting her safely home. That his suggestion to do just that would lead to this, he had not known.

The quiet country village was just a few miles in a taxi from the club and the silence of the place was such a relief. The peace was shattered as soon as Freddy made his way through to the lounge and found the stereo but it was still not as loud as the nightclub. He had happily announced that his parents were home but slept safely away from any noise thanks to the immense size of the house and he had then gone off in search of more alcohol.

Freddy's parents had been happy to accommodate two extra houseguests overnight but John wondered what they would make of the four young ladies that had been added to the deal. Then again, if you believed Freddy's claims, his parents were well used to him having various different lady friends tagging along with him whenever he stopped at home.

John smiled in amusement as he watched his brother settling himself down in the lounge between two of Alex's friends. It wasn't long before Max began to complain about the uneven distribution of female company and Scott shrugged his shoulders innocently.

Alex had headed straight for the downstairs cloakroom when they had arrived and John waited by the door to the lounge, wondering whether to check if she was okay.

"What's it gonna be then, mateys?" Freddy wandered back through from the kitchen, his arms laden with bottles of beer. "Pictionary, Charades, Karaoke, Strip Poker?"

His query was met with a torrent of laughter and he grinned merrily. "Okay! Naked it is, then!"

John groaned inwardly and then heard the door beside him unlock. He watched Alex emerge and smiled in greeting. "Better?"

Alex shrugged slightly and frowned as she peered past him into the lounge.

"I'm guessing you're not much in the mood for drinking games, either."

Alex chuckled softly and shook her head.

"Freddy said the back door's open." John shrugged, "To give access to the beer in the garage, apparently."

Alex nodded and followed John out through the kitchen.

The slight chill in the air was refreshing and John sighed as he sank into one of the wooden chairs that sat on the decking behind the house.

"This place is huge." Alex observed and gazed out into the long dark of the garden.

"One of the benefits of your dad being a senior air force officer." John smiled. "My brother says Freddy and his family are kinda local legends."

Alex chuckled softly, "My friends would seem to agree! They've often spoken of their exploits with what seems most of the local squadron!" She shrugged slightly and then became quiet.

John nodded and his smile faded as he watched her for a moment. He could see her features in the light from the kitchen window along from them and he could tell she was again mulling over whatever it was that she had been through. "Do they know why you're not happy?"

Alex closed her eyes and leaned back against her chair, swinging her feet up onto the low table in front of them. She sighed and turned her face away from him.

"Sorry." John added quietly and then glanced back towards the kitchen. "I'm gonna get some coffee – you want some?" He saw her nod an affirmative and he then stood and wandered back along the edge of the lawn. Stepping into the kitchen, he saw his brother at the sink and nodded in greeting.

"Hey, dude!" Scott smiled happily and then continued to rinse out the cloth he held under the cold water. "Kate just kicked over her beer." He explained and hung the cloth over the tap to dry. "It seems I'm the only one sober enough to think of clearing it up. Now I know why Dad and Brains designed the island house without carpets!" "

John smiled, "You old mother hen, you."

Scott shrugged and began back towards the lounge. "You okay?" He turned back at the door and frowned slightly.

"I'm fine!" John chuckled, "Go back and have fun."

"I hope there isn't a call anytime soon – I'm in no fit state to fly!" Scott observed merrily.

"I guess I'll have to, then." John replied and laughed as he heard his brother grumbling something about hell freezing over as he headed out of the kitchen.

"It's a good thing the neighbours are not close – it's getting louder in there by the minute!" John laughed as he wandered back outside and handed Alex her coffee.

Alex nodded and sipped at her drink.

"Then again, from what my brother tells me, the local police turn a blind eye to golden boy in there!"

"Freddy's training to be an astronaut." Alex agreed, "Quite the superstar." She turned to John and frowned suddenly. "Is that how you guys know him?"

John nodded.

"Hang on!" Alex gasped, "Scientist? Do you work for NASA?"

"Yeah." John smiled.

"Cool!" Alex enthused and turned to face him. "Are you working on deep space stuff?"

John paused for a moment and sipped at his drink.

"Oh," Alex groaned slightly, "Sorry. Is it 'classified'?"

John nodded and shrugged his shoulders, glad that she had presented his escape but also disappointed not to be able to tell her the truth.

Alex leaned back in her chair and gazed up at the sky. "That's amazing … I bet you know loads of cool stuff about stars."

John laughed and nodded slightly as he followed her gaze skyward.

The occasional gap in the low cloud allowed a glimpse of the stars above them and Alex sighed loudly. "You can't see many stars from London, the city is too bright."

"True." John smiled, "But you still only see about a tenth of the stars from Earth, even if you're somewhere remote."

"D'you have one of those massive telescopes?"

John nodded and then frowned as he suddenly wondered whether the powerful lens that his father had bought him several Christmases ago had survived the explosion.

"Do they know who did it?" Alex asked quietly and watched his frown deepen. "The people that attacked your lab – have they been caught?"

"Yeah." John sighed and closed his eyes.

"That's good." Alex muttered and looked back up at the overcast sky. "The man that attacked me will never face charges."

John heard the slight tremble in her voice and held his breath.

"He's mentally ill and they said he didn't know what he was doing." Alex continued huskily, "But I could see in his face that he knew exactly what he was doing … I see it every time I close my eyes."

John turned to look at her and saw the thin glistening line that the tear running down the side on her face had left.

"It was nearly a week ago but I remember it like it only just happened."

John nodded and his heart raced as he realised that he could still even now smell the fumes of the burning station.

"He'd escaped from a local hospital and we were sent to section him. The staff at the hospital said he'd threatened them and had made it clear that he wanted to punish his mother for having had him admitted in the first place." Alex shuddered and hugged her arms around her chest. "It takes time to get a section order and we guessed we'd be too late by the time we got to his mum's house but …"

John slowly sat upright and placed his coffee on the table, ready to move closer to her at the first sign that she wanted him to.

"We had no idea …" Alex continued quietly, "All we knew was that we needed to apprehend him." She swallowed hard and closed her eyes. "He'd cut her throat."

John moved to the edge of his seat and frowned in concern. Her body language said stay back but he so wanted to comfort her somehow.

"I couldn't see what was wrong at first … she was sat there in front of the TV … and with the dark jumper she was wearing you couldn't tell that - " Alex couldn't hold back the sob that came to her tight throat and she sat forward, letting her face fall into her hands.

John stood quickly and stepped closer to her. He leaned down and draped one arm gently across her shoulders.

"No!" Alex shrugged him away and leapt from her chair. She jumped down from the decking and walked a few paces into the relative darkness of the garden.

John watched her shoulders shaking as she cried and thought perhaps he ought to go inside and leave her alone for a while.

"I tried to help her." Alex continued between sobs. "But it was too late. And then suddenly he was there. From nowhere he was beside me and he grabbed me. Oh god! There was nothing I could do! He was too strong! Oh god!"

John bit his lip hesitantly and then sighed as he slowly walked out across the grass towards her. He saw her glance in his direction and paused a short distance from her.

Alex took a deep breath and tried to force herself to calm down. She hugged her arms around her chest again and shook her head as fresh tears began to fall.

John watched her for a moment and then took a careful step closer. "Have you talked to anyone about what happened?"

Alex shook her head slowly. "The shrink at work knows the report details but … I was afraid that if I started telling him all this that …" She shrugged slightly, "And my parents would freak – my dad hates the job I do anyway. I guess I could talk to my colleagues but I've not been stationed there long …"

Suddenly John pieced together the details and his heart began to race as he realised she was a police officer. Afraid that he and Scott would be exposed, his only thought was to go inside and warn his brother but then he watched Alex fighting back tears and couldn't believe that she could be a threat. He edged a little nearer and shrugged his shoulders. "What about your friends."

Alex avoided his gaze as she glanced back at the house and suddenly smiled. "They wouldn't understand."

John sighed inwardly, relieved that his brother was apparently safe from dropping them in it.

"And I think it's better that they don't know …" Alex resumed, "It's nice to be with them without worrying what they'll think of me or them feeling sorry for me or …"

"Or trying to help." John offered.

Alex nodded and then suddenly laughed softly. "And fuck knows why I'm now telling this to someone I don't even know."

"Maybe that's just it," John said quietly, "Maybe it's easier to talk to a stranger."

Alex turned slowly and looked into his concerned face. "Or maybe it's because you said you knew…"

John nodded slowly, "I do."

Alex wiped her wet cheeks with her hands and sniffed weakly. "So … do you know what will make it go away?"

John groaned as he watched her face begin to crumple again and, throwing aside his caution, he quickly crossed the distance between them to wrap his arms around her. He closed his eyes as she buried her face into his neck and cried bitterly. He held her tightly and Alex sobbed against him until her throat became hoarse.

After a while she slowly began to calm again and he instinctively pressed his lips against her clammy forehead to soothe her. The gesture brought a gentle moan of appreciation from her and he closed his eyes as he tried to ignore how sensual the moment suddenly seemed.

"I don't remember being dragged into the bedroom," Alex mumbled into the collar of his shirt, "I must have hit my head because what happened is hazy but … but I can remember him showing me the knife and knowing that there was nothing I could do to stop him."

John's heart thudded against his chest as suddenly a similar memory of watching the readouts on a computer tracking the fast approach of a missile filled his thoughts. He shook his head to clear away the image and leaned his cheek against Alex's head. "Don't you wear vests?" He frowned.

Alex nodded. "That didn't stop him. He ran his hands over it, smiling at me while he searched for the edge of the Kevlar and then grinning as he slid the knife into the gap." She shuddered at the memory and slid her hands around his waist to hug him against her. "And all the time telling me that I only had myself to blame … that I had it coming."

"_An eye for an eye, Mr. Tracy."_

John held his breath as he remembered seeing the malice in the eyes that smiled down at them from the monitor. He'd looked away. Unlike his brothers and his father, he was too tired and sore to glare defiantly back at the man that taunted them.

"The other guys then rushed in and pulled him off me. It took them only a few seconds to react but it seemed like forever." Alex groaned and pressed her face further into John's neck. "And then I couldn't breathe. I think shock was preventing me from feeling pain but lying there gasping for breath was just horrible." She shivered slightly and pulled him closer against her. "I can remember thinking then that it was the end … that no one knew I was hurt … they were all busy with getting him secured … I tried to call out but I couldn't … and all I could do was pray that they wouldn't leave me there."

"_Waiting for a rescue that will never come."_

John held her tightly and recalled the station lurching violently as all remaining power was cut off and they began to fall towards an inevitable impact with the atmosphere. Then there was the nauseating dizziness from breathing too much carbon dioxide and the involuntary gasping for the slightest bit of air. His legs felt weak and suddenly he was unsure who was supporting whom in this tight embrace.

"How do you get over something like that?" Alex asked quietly, "How the fuck are you supposed to go on when nothing will ever be the same?"

"I don't know." John replied honestly, fighting back against his own tears.

"I went back to work to get some stuff and … god … I can't even look at my uniform without …" She clutched him against her and groaned softly.

John swallowed back the bile in his throat as he recalled his reaction on returning to the station and further tears stung the back of his eyelids.

"Maybe that's it, then." Alex sighed, "I'll have to find something else to do. I can't go back there."

Suddenly extracts of various things that Scott had shouted at him began to merge together in John's mind. He smiled thinly as he realised that, despite his reluctance to admit that his brother was right, he knew that there was a lot of truth in what he had said. He then frowned as Alex seemed to relax against him and he could sense her yielding to the fear and exhaustion. "No." He said firmly and stepped back from her, gently pulling her arms free from his waist. "No, that's exactly what we must _not_ do!"

Alex lifted her head and gasped as she read the anger in his eyes as being directed towards her.

"If we give in, they win." John explained firmly and then saw the confusion on her face. He smiled and slid his hands up onto her shoulders. "If I don't go back to the st- the lab, if you don't go back to work, then we'll be doing exactly what those fuckers want."

Alex's frown faded as she let his words sink in and she nodded slowly.

"We can't let them beat us." John urged.

"No." Alex smiled suddenly and took a deep breath. "No. And we bloody well won't!" She laughed softly and reached up to place her hands on John's arms. "We'll show them!"

"We bloody well will!" John chuckled.

"Don't be taking the piss!" Alex warned merrily, "Or you'll be eating grass!"

John nodded and raised his hands in apology.

"Oh crap!" Alex then groaned, "You know what all this means?"

"No? What?"

"Our friends really were right to drag us out to that club." Alex sighed.

John smiled down at her and shrugged his shoulders. "They don't have to know that."

"True." Alex chuckled, "It can be our secret." She smiled up at him and then shivered slightly. "It's bloody cold out here!" She folded her arms and then frowned in concern.

John watched her as she pulled her fingers free from under her arm and saw the watery blood smeared on her fingers. "Surely it should have healed by now?" he asked in concern.

Alex shrugged slightly. "I suppose." She lifted her shirt and tried to examine the wound. Walking back towards the kitchen, she leaned into the light that shone through the open door but she still couldn't quite see and she groaned in annoyance.

John followed her and his frown grew as he saw the sutured gash and the extensive bruising around it.

"That bad, is it?" Alex smiled up at his horrified expression and then her face became sincere. "They had to make it worse to repair it, apparently. And they stuck bloody great tubes in to drain stuff and – ugh! – I don't want to think about it."

John shuddered and realised how lucky he had been. The painful gash between his shoulders was deep and Onaha had wanted him to be seen properly in a mainland ER but even then, before the nightmares had started, he had not wanted to get back into one of the rockets. He had insisted that Brains had enough experience of patching them up over the years and she had eventually relented.

"I guess, if stuff needs to come out then it's better that it does." Alex mumbled, still struggling to angle her body in order to look at the wound.

"Maybe you should cover it in case it gets dirt in it." John glanced towards the kitchen, "Freddy's mom must have something."

Alex followed him back inside the house and sat down at the kitchen table while John searched the cupboards.

"Aha!" John slid out the first aid box and searched through the contents. He grabbed some kitchen towel and knelt down beside her.

"You don't have to do this – I can go to the bathroom and do it."

"You can't see it." John countered.

"In the mirror I can!" Alex laughed.

"Yeah, but that's all backwards and sideways and shit." John smiled, "This won't take a second."

Alex held her breath as John gently cleaned up the blood that had oozed from the lower edge of the wound. His touch was far more delicate than that of the doctors in the hospital and his soft fingers seemed to tingle against her skin.

John sat back on his heels with a satisfied sigh and admired his handiwork. He smiled up at Alex and saw that she had closed her eyes and a gentle frown had settled over her eyes. He cut a length of dressing strip from the roll and carefully covered the wound, lightly pressing the edges of the plaster down, suddenly noticing that the black lace of her bra could just be seen beneath the folds of her shirt. "There." He stood quickly and packed away the remaining contents of the first aid kit.

Alex lowered her shirt and slowly looked up at him.

John smiled thinly and then glanced in the direction of the lounge "It's gone worryingly quiet in there – maybe we should go check on the others."

"Yeah." Alex stood and followed him across the kitchen. She suddenly paused as they neared the door and she reached out to take hold of his arm.

John gasped slightly as Alex pulled him to a halt and he turned to face her. He held his breath as she quickly stepped closer to him and gently reached up to slip her hand around his neck. He let her pull his head down towards her and closed his eyes as their mouths met.

As quickly as she had approached him, Alex pulled back and her slight sigh washed across John's mouth. "I … I don't know why I did that." She whispered.

John smiled and placed a hand on her cheek, his thumb gently stroking the still damp skin of her tearstained face. "I think I do." He husked.

Alex leaned back from him and reached up to gently pull his hand from her face. "I just wanted to thank you." She smiled thinly up at him and shrugged her shoulders slightly.

John nodded slowly and tried to ignore the reaction that their closeness was causing. His head was spinning dizzily but he somehow held back the groan of disappointment that came to his throat as Alex then moved away from him and headed out of the kitchen.


	6. Chapter 6

John slowly stirred and frowned as he heard again the sound that had disturbed him. His eyes blinked open and he squinted in the bright morning light that flooded in from the large window. It took a moment for him to get his bearings and he looked around at the unfamiliar lounge. The noise that had woken him then repeated and he frowned as he lifted his head and saw that a children's cartoon was glaring from the television. John rested his head back down amid the cushions of the sofa and smiled as he watched the crazy antics of the characters that raced around the screen.

He could remember coming back inside and playing endless computer games with the others. One by one though, they had all then gradually succumbed to the vast amounts of alcohol they had drunk and had staggered upstairs to crash in one of the many spare bedrooms.

John lifted his arm and winced as the still healing damage to his shoulder throbbed painfully. He frowned as he forced himself to ignore the pain and focused on trying to read the time on his watch. It was a little after 10am. His frown grew as he realised that this was possibly the latest he had slept for longer than he could remember. He then froze as movement behind him made his heart race and he heard her mumble sleepily.

John leaned back slightly and craned his neck to look at her. He had assumed he was lying against the back of the sofa and his pulse picked up even more speed as he saw her stretched out behind him, her body pressed close against his.

It was a little too much to take in all at once; not only had he apparently slept soundly for more than six hours but he had been curled up with her. Again he frowned as he tried to recall whether they had in fact simply slept on the same sofa or whether much more than that had happened. They were both fully clothed and apparently unruffled and he settled back down on his side as he tried to figure out if he was relieved or disappointed at this fact.

A gentle snoring from somewhere across the lounge then interrupted John's musing and he lifted his head again to see a familiar form stretched out along one of the other sofas. He couldn't help the smile that pulled at his mouth as he contemplated the idea of having gotten up to mischief while his brother slept nearby and he sighed happily.

The lounge door creaked gently as it was opened and John watched as Freddy's mother leaned her head around the door. She saw that he was awake and smiled in greeting.

"Breakfast?" Mrs. Forrester asked quietly.

John nodded and slowly raised himself up onto one elbow. He indicated to Mrs. Forrester that he'd wake his companions and watched her nod before then backing out of the room.

Carefully sliding his legs out off of the sofa, John perched on the edge and turned to look down at Alex's soundly sleeping form. She looked so peaceful and he was loath to wake her but then he saw her stir slightly and he smiled as she turned her head and looked up at him.

Alex yawned noisily and stretched her arms out above her head. "Morning!" She husked and then relaxed back against the cushions with a smile. "I guess we didn't quite make it upstairs then."

John shrugged a reply and frowned as he tried to recall the point at which he had fallen asleep.

"What is it?" Alex asked carefully.

John shook his head and his smile returned. "Nothing. Freddy's mom is cooking breakfast."

"Oh, what a woman!" Alex chuckled and pulled herself up to sit beside him. She rubbed her eyes and yawned again as she stood slowly. "I'd better go and freshen up!"

John watched her stumble out of the lounge and then turned to look at the still sleeping form of his brother. He quickly began to think of various ways to wake Scott and grinned mischievously as he stood from the sofa.

"Whatever you're thinking. Don't." Scott warned suddenly.

John gasped and stepped back from his brother. "Oh, you're no fun!"

Scott smiled and opened his eyes to look up at John. "I live with three younger brothers, dude."

John groaned in dismay and put down the cushion that he had intended to pummel his brother with.

"Did I hear talk of breakfast?" Scott enthused and slowly sat up. He watched his brother nod an affirmative and he chuckled merrily. "Good old Pam!"

John smiled and then a frown settled over his eyes. "Did Freddy say something about us all going out on his dad's boat today?"

"Yeah," Scott nodded, "That was one suggestion. You want to hang with these guys a little longer?"

"No, I'd rather go back."

"Sure." Scott shrugged, "I guess we can annoy Penny for a few more days."

"No." John's frown grew. "I mean back home."

"Oh."

John reached behind him to rub as his aching shoulder and took a deep breath as his smile returned. "I need to get back to the station."

"Alright, Johnny!" Scott laughed in delight. "You feeling better?"

John nodded and his smile grew. "I've decided that I need to just suck it in and get over it."

Scott's smile faltered and he sank back against the sofa. "God, I'm sorry, John … I didn't mean that…"

"Yeah, you did." John countered softly, "And you were right."

"I was?" Scott frowned.

"Yeah." John laughed, "But let's not make an issue out of it!" He stood and wandered out of the lounge.

Freddy's mother had finally relented to Alex's offer to help clear up after breakfast and chatted animatedly to her as she dried the washed pots and pans. John collected together the last of the plates and smiled at them both in greeting as he wandered into the kitchen.

"Thank you, dear." Mrs. Forrester nodded and then frowned slightly. "Freddy tells me you have to leave soon."

John nodded in agreement and he recalled how Freddy's initial disappointment had soon been distracted with the realisation that he and Max now had the ladies to themselves.

"Well, Reg and I will be going into town later and we're giving Alex here a lift to the station. Are you boys heading that way, too?"

"Yeah, that'd be great." John smiled, "And thanks for breakfast."

"Oh, it's no trouble." Mrs. Forrester shrugged, "Freddy's away so much now, it makes a nice change to have company. And Scott will tell you I don't mind who crashes here."

"Well, thank you." John urged, "Please. Let me help Alex finish up in here."

"Okay." Mrs. Forrester shrugged merrily and handed him the towel. "It was good to meet you both."

"You, too." John agreed and watched her head back through to the dining room.

"She's so sweet!" Alex enthused. "I asked to use the phone to call a taxi and she insisted they drive me!"

John nodded and glanced through the open door to see Freddy's mother now fussing over the others as they finished their coffee. "I can understand why my brother likes to come here and get pampered." He turned back to Alex and shrugged slightly, "Our mum died when we were little."

"Oh, I'm sorry." Alex sighed.

John was lost in a memory for a moment and then took a deep breath. "Are you not staying?"

"No. I'm gonna head back into the city and see if I can pull my life back together."

John nodded and stepped closer to help her load the last few pieces of crockery into the dishwasher. "So … are you gonna be okay?"

"Yeah." Alex smiled at him warmly and turned to lean back against the sink as she dried her hands. "Thanks. And you?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Alex nodded slowly, her smile fading as she watched the brief moment of hesitation that moved across his face. She reached out and placed her hand on his arm. "We can do this."

John looked into her dark eyes and swallowed hard. After a moment, he reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper. "Here."

Alex unfolded the paper and frowned slightly.

"It's a radio frequency." John explained, "I figured you'd have a radio at work and this frequency isn't used by anyone else but I can pick it up clearly in my lab." He stumbled hurriedly, "I'd give you my phone number but it's always busy and e-mail isn't always secure and … well … I'd like to hear how you are." He shrugged. "Only if you want to." He added quickly.

Alex nodded and folded the paper back up before sliding it into her trouser pocket. "Thank you." She lifted her head and smiled up at him. "I'll call."

John tried to read her expression and felt his stomach lurch as he thought he saw in her eyes that she was simply humouring him.

"I will call." Alex urged, "It'll be good to hear your voice again." She laughed suddenly and moved her hand up to rest on his cheek. "Who else can I rant to when it all goes pants?"

"Pants?!" John laughed. "That's a new one!"

"Actually, it's an old one but you know how these things come round."

"If you say so." John shrugged.

Alex pulled her hand back and checked her watch. "I should go and say cheerio to the others." She smiled and stepped past him to head into the lounge.

* * *

John leaned back against the hard seat and felt the gentle pressure of the G-forces as the craft picked up speed now they were over the ocean. He began to realise that the journey was not making him feel sick and he smiled in relief.

"That good, huh?"

John turned to see Scott grinning over at him and his smile grew as he shrugged slightly.

"Thought so." Scott chuckled softly.

John shook his head and tried to glare a warning at his brother but, in truth, he was impressed; until now, Scott had not said a single word about Alex since leaving Freddy's and that had to be a record. Even when Penny had urged for further detail regarding their escapades the previous night, Scott had simply smiled and said that they had both had a good time.

"You gonna see her again?" Scott asked in interest.

"I don't know."

"Do you want to?"

John laughed and nodded enthusiastically.

"Then you will."

"It's not that simple." John countered.

"Sure it is," Scott urged, "You want something, you make it happen."

John smiled and settled back against the seat to look out at the endless blue above the clouds. Sometimes Scott sounded so much like their father; he had the same courage and determination, the same black and white view of the world. John felt a lump in his throat as he recalled how their father would often tell him that his more discerning, apprehensive nature was more like their mother.

"You okay, buddy?" Scott asked softly.

"No," John replied honestly, "I miss Mom."

"So do I." Scott nodded slowly. "I think we all have over the past few days. We could have done with her around."

John turned to look at Scott and saw the sadness that crossed his brother's face. He frowned as he realised how badly he had misjudged Scott or was it simply that he was not around him often enough to see this more sensitive side of him.

"But … she's never far away." Scott continued quietly and managed a thin smile. He read John's expression as confusion and shrugged his shoulders. "Why d'you think Gordy and Virg have to call you up almost every day?"

John gasped and tears welled in his eyes.

Scott's smile grew affectionately, "Alan was too little to remember much of her … but even he can sense that there's something more of Mom in you."

John closed his eyes and hung his head, his mind racing. Scott was right and John knew it. He had always known it. He saw more of their mother in his reflection each day. And it hurt to think that the very things he tried to hide from with distance and bleach were exactly what his family needed from him.

"You okay?" Scott asked worriedly.

John nodded and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. He lifted his head and turned to Scott, frowning slightly in an attempt to convey his regret at having assumed Scott was somehow not capable of expressing the kind words he had just said. His brother shrugged and took a deep breath, the moment fading as quickly as it appeared and John watched Scott fidget in his seat, his discomfort with emotion another paternal trait.

"You'll be fine." Scott offered merrily, "You'll be fine."

John nodded slightly, unsure if Scott's words were meant as reassurance or some kind of order. Scott had now focused his attention back on their flight and was frowning in concentration. John took the silence as he presumed it was intended and did not pursue their conversation further but he secretly hoped that perhaps one night Scott might call him for a deep and meaningful chat across the distance.

Looking back out amid the blurred clouds, John was filled with renewed determination to get back to the station. He was needed, important, relied upon. And he would never fail them again. His thoughts wandered back to the same determination he had seen in Alex's eyes that morning when they had said farewell and he smiled happily.

* * *

It was never going to be easy. He knew that it would take time but it was still disappointing to be standing before the computer terminals and be filled with such dread. His back was wet with sweat and his legs were shaking. It took all his strength to simply stay upright and he groaned in dismay.

"We're ready to leave now."

John turned and watched Virgil heading down the corridor towards him. He nodded and then looked back at the newly repaired computer consoles. Mending the damaged hull and support struts had been relatively easy but piecing together all the delicate electrical equipment was painstakingly slow and still not quite completed.

Virgil stepped up onto the raised platform beside John and placed his hand on his shoulder. "You sure about this?"

John took a deep breath and nodded. Virgil had offered to stay up here with him for a few nights but John was determined that this was something he had to do alone. He turned to look at his brother and saw the concern in his gentle eyes. Virgil had been delighted when he had answered the call from the island and John had asked him to come and collect him. Of course, he had moaned about going back and forth and whined at John to make his mind up but his smiling eyes had betrayed his happiness.

The journey back to the station had been difficult for John and he had tried very hard to keep that fact from his brother. Virgil had chatted animatedly throughout the trip and had kept John distracted from his increasing anxiety as they had travelled up into orbit. John appreciated that his brother was simply trying to help him as best he knew and he had even let the repeated jokes about vomit wash over him.

"I think I should stay." Virgil said softly.

John was torn from his thoughts and shook his head slowly. "No." He sighed loudly and stepped forward to sit down in the chair in front of the computer console. "Thanks, Virg." He added and smiled up at his brother.

"Okay." Virgil shrugged and turned to head back along to the airlock. "But don't be calling me back again – I'm not acab company, y'know."

John laughed and watched Virgil disappear through the door. After a few minutes, the monitor before him blinked into life and he opened a channel.

"Thunderbird 3 ready to depart." Gordon smiled down at John from the screen above him.

"Acknowledged." John nodded, "Safe journey guys."

"See you in 3 weeks." Gordon offered, his half smile conveying the reassurance that they would be back in a heartbeat if John had any problems.

"Thanks." John smiled and closed the link. He watched the digital display that tracked the process of Thunderbird 3's detachment from the docking arm and sensed the low rumble through the station as the boosters fired. Soon the bright red hull of the craft moved past the large window beside John and he swallowed hard as Thunderbird 3 eased out of sight. "Get a grip, John." He husked into the empty station and turned his attention to scanning through the various communications channels.

This was stupid. He had been completely fine for the past three days aboard the station. Not a hint of nausea and hardly a thought spared to the missile attack. He had worked with his brothers and Brains to complete the repairs and had even been outside to help fix the damage to the outer hull.

John closed his eyes and smiled as he recalled the indescribable feeling of hanging among the stars. It was here that he felt truly privileged. He had allowed himself a few minutes to simply float beside the station and gaze up at the billions of bright stars around him. It was almost as if he could simply reach out and touch them. Suddenly he had been drawn back to the memory of sitting with Alex in the garden. For a moment a gentle peace had settled in his thoughts and then he had thought about all that she had been through and how vulnerable their lives were and instantly he had been thrown back into helpless terror mode.

Wandering through to the small bathroom in the centre of the station, John splashed his face with cold water and took a moment to compose himself. It seemed that every second was lasting a life age up here and he had been watching the clock for hours now. He desperately wanted to get back to a time when he was perfectly happy to spend hours doing nothing but studying stars and reading research papers. Now it seemed that as soon as he was still, his mind was filled with the memory of smoke-filled pain and burning.

And Alex.

Why had she not called? He so wanted to talk to her again; to hear her voice and feel again the inner calm that her presence seemed to bring. But there had been no contact from her and John was beginning to wonder if there ever would be.

John padded through to his modest bedroom and yawned wearily. He frowned as he saw the cardboard box that sat on his bed and he approached cautiously. There was a small post-it note stuck on top and his frown grew as he recognised Alan's messy scrawl.

**For emergencies only!**

John sat down on the bed and opened the box. His frown faded as he peered inside and saw the individually wrapped parcels contained within. Each packet had a number written on it and he then saw the note on the inside of the lid.

**Start with number 1 and then the next one as necessary. They get worse as they go on so if you get to number 5 then call home and we'll come and rescue you!**

John laughed and frowned in intrigue. He lifted out the packet labelled number one and tore open the paper. In the small box was an intricate puzzle that the packaging declared was impossible and he smiled in delight. Placing the box containing the rest of the parcels on his bedside table, he carried the puzzle through to the main computer terminal and sighed happily as he sat cross-legged on the floor beside the consoles and opened the box. Here there was another note, this time from Virgil:

**I know you love these things but I also know how much of a genius you are. So I took one piece out! Have fun big brother!**

"Bastard!" John declared in shock and then grinned in pleasure; okay, so Virgil knew him too well. Fine. He would now have great delight in completing the puzzle and showing Virgil that he could not beat the great jigsaw supremo! He took out the pieces and examined them in interest. He then looked up towards his bedroom and frowned in intrigue, wondering what the other four parcels contained. But the instructions were clear and he would happily go through them in order; if there was one thing he did have that his brothers didn't, it was patience.

John was so engrossed in the puzzle that it took a few seconds for the bleeping to register in his mind. When he did eventually look up and see the gently blinking light on one of the displays, he gasped and threw the pieces back into the box before then jumping up and checking the monitor. A frown settled over his eyes as he flicked a switch and the comm. crackled into life.

" … Rescue! Calling International Rescue!"

"This is International Rescue." John replied calmly and clearly. "Go ahead." His heart was racing and he held his breath as he listened to the broken English transmission and simultaneously identified the location of the source. He suddenly realised that he had not panicked as he had thought he might and was dealing with the emergency call just as he would ever have done. "Message received." He offered quickly as the caller concluded the details of the crisis. "We're on our way. Stay on this line."

John allowed himself a brief smile of greeting as his father's image appeared on the screen above him and Jeff nodded in concerned interest.

"Hyderabad, India, Dad. Sudden rainstorm and a local river has flooded the surrounding villages. No casualties involved yet but they're asking for our help to evacuate the area." John explained. "Sending you co-ordinates now."

Jeff frowned thoughtfully. "Understood. Send Scott further details as you get them."

"F.A.B., Dad."

Jeff nodded and then his sincere face broke into a warm smile. "Good to have you back in business, Thunderbird 5."

John gave a gentle laugh and shrugged his shoulders. "It's good to be back, Dad. Thunderbird 5 out."


	7. Chapter 7

**Many thanks for the reviews, guys - and thanks for your faith ... here's hoping it's well placed!**

**Usual disclaimer: the next trio of chapters contain T'Birds characters and references not created by me but borrowed from the genius of the Andersons - we're not worthy!! **

There was no mistaking it. The radio frequency was identical. For the past few days he had hoped that he would receive this signal and now he could hardly believe it. John smiled and sat down in his chair with a sigh. He opened the channel and heard the slight crackle of the connection.

"John? Are you there?" Her voice rang out through the comm. and seemed to fill the empty station.

"Yeah." John replied merrily, "Hi, Alex."

"Hey!" She sighed in relief and then there was a slight pause. "I wasn't sure if this was going to work."

John shrugged and closed his eyes as he recalled how it felt to be close to her. "I told you it would work."

"I know." Alex agreed quietly, a slight click signalling her closing her connection on the handset.

"It's as if we're sat side by side." John smiled.

"Except we're not."

John opened his eyes and frowned at the slight tremor in her voice. His heart began to race and he leaned closer to the console. "You okay?"

"No."

John waited patiently for her to continue and wondered whether Brains would let him give her a video capable transmitter; it was suddenly so hard not to be able to see her.

"It was my first day back today." Alex continued after a moment. "That's why I haven't called till now – I had to sneak this thing home first." She explained and then sighed heavily. "It was a horrible day."

John closed his eyes and nodded in understanding, quickly realising that this was no use. "Was it pants?" He asked gently.

Alex laughed briefly, "You could say that." She husked.

"Oh." John suddenly found himself feeling guilty for having seemingly coped so well with this return back to the station and wondered whether she would lose interest if he seemed to no longer share her anxieties.

"I asked not to be put behind a desk, like you said, I wanted to just get out there and face it. So they put me on patrol and I thought that would be okay – you basically sit in a car and cruise the streets."

"That sounds okay." John agreed softly, suddenly wondering what Alex looked like in her uniform.

"Ten minutes in and we get a 999 call to a domestic disturbance."

"Oh." John groaned and shook his head to focus on what she was telling him, as opposed to what the sound of her husky voice was doing to him.

"It was hard enough to have to wear my vest – I nearly didn't leave the changing room 'cos I couldn't breathe … then we get faced with a similar house and that was it … freak city." Alex sighed and sniffed loudly. "It was horrible. We're edging our way up the front drive and I'm fucking shaking and sweating … no good to anyone."

John nodded in understanding as he recalled how he had reacted on his first trip back up here and the palpitations that simply slipping into his uniform caused.

"It was horrible, John." Alex repeated.

John clenched his fists and tried to stay calm. He could hear her fighting back sobs and began to wonder if this was a bad idea; it was torture to not be able to hold her right now. "What happened?"

"We got in there and arrested the fucker." Alex chuckled suddenly and took a deep breath. "But I think I might have used more force than was necessary."

John smiled and nodded in understanding. "It wasn't all that pants, then."

"Yeah, right!" Alex laughed gently, "That was the best part. We then get back to the station and I crumble in a heap. They sent me to see the shrink and he signed me off for the rest of the day."

"Oh."

"Yeah, exactly!" Alex sighed, "Oh."

John frowned in thought and tried to think how best to respond.

"They'll put me behind a desk now and I'll just die …"

"But perhaps, if they think that's best then - "

"No fucking way!" Alex shouted suddenly, "I can't! I need to be out there!"

"Okay," John soothed, "So tell them that."

The comm. was quiet for a moment and then again there was the click of her opening the connection. "I know …" She sighed, "I'm sorry … I didn't mean to call you just to moan …"

"That's okay. I'm here for you whatever." John replied and his smile faltered as he suddenly realised how much he meant that. He listened to the silence amid the crackling radio signal and his heart raced as he wondered if he had said too much.

"You felt it, too, then?" Alex asked quietly.

John smiled and nodded a reply. "I did, yeah."

"I thought maybe it was just the intensity of the conversation." Alex offered.

John closed his eyes and could suddenly smell her hair. He could recall the slight saltiness of her tearstained skin and the warmth of her breath against his neck.

"Where are you?" Alex asked after a moment.

John opened his eyes and looked out at the stars. "At work, in my lab."

"In the States?"

John smiled; well he was in a stationary orbit over the Pacific. It was close enough. "Yeah."

"How are you doing?"

"Not bad." John shrugged. At least, definitely not now he was talking with her.

"What time is it there?"

John looked at the various readouts and his eyes rested on the display that showed island time. "Almost midnight." He replied.

"Yesterday?" Alex laughed gently.

"I guess!" John agreed and then frowned as he realised what time it was in London. "So, are you just getting up or have you not been to bed?"

"You got me." Alex sighed, "I couldn't sleep. I've been flicking through music channels for hours."

"Ugh!" John groaned, "How many IQ points have you dropped in one night then?"

Alex laughed again and sighed in mock annoyance. "It was the only thing on. Although, now I'm realising that I should have called you long ago."

John smiled, "Actually, this was good timing." Thunderbird 1 and 2 had arrived home from India about two hours ago and his younger brothers had just finished their exciting debrief to him, which was not necessary due to his involvement in the mission but nonetheless entertaining.

"You're working late." Alex suddenly realised, "Is it some mega-vital research?"

John looked down at the pieces of puzzle on the floor beside him. "Not really." He then turned back to the constantly scanning monitors and shrugged his shoulders. "Well … yeah, actually."

"But you can't say what."

"No." John replied honestly and added to himself that it didn't matter how much he hated lying to her; recent events had clearly demonstrated why secrecy was so vital in their operation. He had heard Alex sigh again and he shook his head slightly. "Will you stop doing that!"

"What?" Alex enquired.

"It's hard enough to be thousands of miles from you, without you sighing through the radio." John explained and grinned as he heard her giggling mischievously. "And you can stop that, as well."

Alex laughed and mumbled an apology, keeping the connection open as she tried to think how to respond.

John listened to the sound of her breathing, which suddenly seemed hypnotically loud around him.

"I've not stopped thinking about you." Alex offered quietly.

John smiled and realised that, between fixing the station and keeping an eye on what his brothers were doing with delicate, somewhat expensive equipment and then co-ordinating the India rescue, she had never been far from his thoughts.

"I guess it'll be a while before we can see each other again."

"About three weeks." John replied softly and watched the date on the clock change as midnight came and went. "Two weeks, five days."

"Hey?" Alex urged, "Are you coming back to England?"

"If you want me to."

The connection was quiet for a moment and then clicked open again. "You've no idea how much." Alex sighed.

John closed his eyes and nodded in understanding.

"But this is cool." Alex offered merrily, "It's good to be able to talk to you."

"And three weeks is nothing." John agreed.

"Two weeks, five days." Alex reminded him with a yawn.

"Sorry." John smiled and then frowned slightly. "Have you not got to go in to work today?"

"Not 'till this afternoon." Alex yawned again.

"Maybe you should get some sleep anyhow."

"Am I keeping you from your work?"

"No," John replied quickly, "I'm just thinking of you – you must be exhausted."

"I am." Alex agreed and then moaned happily. "And I might be able to sleep now I've heard your voice."

John listened to her yawn even louder and smiled merrily. "I'm that interesting, huh?"

"No, it's not that!" Alex quickly assured, "It's just … the noise in my head seems quieter when you're near." She chuckled softly, "And even though you're not actually here, it feels like you are – if you know what I mean."

"Yeah. I do."

"I wish you were." Alex continued, "Here, I mean."

John nodded and closed his eyes. "I know."

"Except, I'd probably feel so relaxed that I'd be asleep in moments!" Alex laughed.

John smiled and recalled waking up in Freddy's house with her snuggled up behind him. Suddenly he could remember clearly how it felt to hold her and he took a deep breath. "That wouldn't be so bad."

"Oh, John … maybe this isn't such a good idea." Alex said suddenly.

"What?" John gasped.

"Well … we're so far apart and … oh, I don't know …"

John shook his head and again moved closer to the comm. "But we have something here, Alex … I don't know what it is or where it will go but … it's worth a try." He frowned and listened to the crackling of her silence. "Isn't it?"

"I guess we'll find out." Alex replied after a moment, "In two weeks five days."

John smiled and relaxed back against his chair.

"Will you be here tonight?"

"Call anytime." John agreed, frowning as he thought how best to rig an alarm to signal her transmission so he could run to answer the comm. from anywhere on the station.

"Okay."

John could picture her curling up in bed but somehow could not quite recall the exact details of her face. He would have to find a photograph of her somehow and he smiled as an idea crept into his mind.

"Goodnight, John."

John groaned inwardly but could hear the exhaustion in her quiet voice. "Yeah … sweet dreams."

It had been a long night. Somewhere shortly after Alex had called he had completed the puzzle and danced a brief celebratory jig around the central console. He had then forced himself to take a disjointed two hour power nap and had since spent the past half hour clock watching.

There was no written rule as to how early was too early but he figured he ought to be polite. He knew she would not mind what time he called but also knew that she would not let on that she was annoyed even if she was and he would worry. It could all be so very confusing.

It was now a little after 2.30 am island time; 10.30 am London time. John settled down before the console and reached out to send the signal. He then leaned back into his chair and clutched his mug of coffee in both hands as he patiently waited.

He had planned what he was going to say and had rehearsed the conversation over and over in his mind but suddenly being faced with Penny's half smile of intrigue and amusement had thrown him.

"Why?" Penelope asked evenly.

John shrugged his shoulders. "She's a potential contact."

Penelope laughed softly. "Whom you just happened to meet the other night."

John held his breath and looked away from the screen to study his coffee.

"It's alright, John." Penelope offered softly.

John looked up at her warm smile and managed to return one of his own.

"Honestly, darling, you don't need to try and be all cloak and dagger. I can keep a secret." Her smile grew and she swept a lock of fringe back behind her ear. "And besides, I knew something was different when you came back from Freddy's."

"Women's intuition, huh?" John nodded.

"No, you smelled of perfume."

John laughed in amusement and could feel his cheeks flushing.

"So." Penelope took a deep breath, "Give me the details so I can check her out."

John laughed softly, "I've already done that."

Penelope groaned slightly, "I suppose I asked for that one." A smile danced on her lips and she sighed heavily. "That's the last time I'll urge you to spend more time around Scott's bad influence."

John grinned mischievously and then became sincere. "Thanks for doing this, Pen."

"No problem." Penelope smiled, "Just don't tell your father what I'm using all this expensive equipment for!" She laughed softly and then a frown settled over her eyes as she looked away from the screen to make a note of the little John knew about Alex. "Alright …" Penelope nodded thoughtfully, "I've got a morning meeting to get to and I'll do some research as soon as I get back."

"Thanks." John smiled.

"Although, maybe you should just go with your instinct." Penelope offered, "I mean, I'm guessing she doesn't really know who you are but she's taking a chance."

John shrugged slightly.

"Perhaps that's half the fun." Penelope continued, "The mystery and the excitement of getting to know someone."

"I guess …" John took a deep breath and shook his head slowly. "But I just can't risk it."

Penelope regarded him thoughtfully and then gave a slight nod. "I suppose."

"I wish it could be different." John offered, "But … after last weekend I … I just can't."

"I understand." Penelope's smile returned. "I'll speak to you later."

"Thanks." John agreed and leaned forward to switch off the connection.

It could only have been about 30 minutes, enough time for him to shave and shower, before a gentle alarm signalling an incoming transmission rang through the station. John padded out of the bathroom, pulling his towel tighter around his waist and frowning in interest at the icon on the screen. Figuring she had seen it all before, John switched on audio and visual and blushed as he was met with the amused quirk of one of her eyebrows.

"Penny." John smiled in greeting, "That didn't take long."

"I know," Penelope shrugged slightly, "I was intrigued."

"And?"

"Luckily I have some clearance with police documents and I have managed to track down your girl."

John nodded and waited patiently for her to continue.

Penelope glanced at something off screen and smiled in amusement. "She's certainly one of the prettiest International Rescue contacts …"

"I know." John agreed with a slight grin and then he cleared his throat. "But does her file look okay?"

Penelope nodded and took a deep breath before she then began to read through the information. "Alexandra Josephine Winter, born in Winchester, Hampshire – it would be rude of me to tell you when – exemplary school record and joined the police training academy in 2003." Penelope paused for a moment and looked back at him with a smile. "Are you sitting comfortably?"

John sighed and grinned back at her. "Don't tease."

"I'm sorry – are you in a hurry?"

"I've got things to do, yeah." John nodded.

"Oh?" Penelope's smile grew. "All is quiet according to my hardware."

"I'm dripping onto the floor." John protested with a slight shiver.

"I can always call back later."

"No!" John closed his eyes for a moment as his sudden shout was absorbed into the relative quiet of the station. "Sorry."

Penelope's smile faded slightly and she turned to face the screen squarely. "You look tired."

"I'm fine." John looked back up at her and smiled thinly. "Please … continue?"

Penelope frowned slightly and shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe you should ask her the rest."

John closed his eyes and hung his head. "Pen …" He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger and could feel his anxiety building inside him again. "I can't …" After a moment he looked up and saw her frown grow in concern. "Okay, just tell me if there's anything suspicious."

"Of course not." Penelope replied, her frown softening a little. "From what I can tell, she's an unmarried Metropolitan Police Constable and you like her. What more do you need?"

John smiled suddenly and nodded in agreement. "I guess."

Penelope shrugged and glanced back at the information. "She was in hospital last week?"

John nodded again. "She was hurt in an arrest."

"She wasn't involved at the weekend then?"

John shook his head, "Not that she would tell me anyway – they were all sworn to secrecy after we closed down the scene."

Penelope nodded in agreement, "Yes, Charles assured me of that."

"Charles?" John asked in interest.

"Commissioner Charles Browning." Penelope explained and then laughed softly, "And, before you ask, no!"

John grinned up at her, "Just another coffee morning buddy, huh?"

"International Rescue contact, actually." Penelope countered evenly, "But he does play a mean hand of golf."

"It's a tough life." John laughed softly.

Penelope smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "I manage."

"Thanks, Penny." John leaned forward to end their connection and then suddenly paused. "Can you send me a picture?"

Penelope's smile grew and she nodded an affirmative. "Now go and dry yourself off before you catch a chill!"

"Yes, ma'am." John laughed.

"And John?" Penelope added quickly, "Just go with it … you'll be fine."


	8. Chapter 8

Time had slowly dragged itself across the day and to John it seemed that every hour had lasted an eternity. Nothing was going on. The constant monitoring of Earth's communication channels had not picked up anything out of the ordinary and even the weather was now unusually settled across the planet.

Unable to rest, John jogged another lap of the circular main corridor and glanced at the central console as he passed by. No word from Alex or the island. No one wanted to talk to him. He wiped the sweat from his flushed face and continued his gentle run.

He couldn't sit still. He would have liked to catch up on some research or study one of the remote star clusters he had been interested in last week but he was too fidgety. And something about the current quietness across the world was making him nervous. He completed another lap of the station and frowned in annoyance as his mind started to replay the events of the Hood's attack. It had been somewhat quiet like this when that had happened and John didn't want to pause for a moment or risk relaxing into a false sense of security.

Finally beginning to tire, John jogged through to his quarters and stripped off his t-shirt and shorts before climbing into the shower. He had a quick wash and then climbed back into his uniform.

His heart was racing at an almost painful rate and John perched on the edge of his bed to take a moment to steady his breathing. Maybe this was what claustrophobia felt like. He had never experienced it before but could think of no other reason for the panic-like sensations that had been brewing inside him across the day.

John fell back across the bed and took a deep, even breath. Suddenly the idea of spending another 18 days up here seemed impossible and he groaned in disappointment.

"This is crazy …" He muttered into the empty room and listened to his voice bounce hollowly off the walls. "You can do this … you are not going crazy …" A smile then pulled at his mouth and he laughed briefly. "At least you're not talking to yourself, John."

With a sigh, John sat back up and caught sight of the box that sat beside his bed. He frowned in intrigue as he edged closer and peered into the open box. Maybe it was time to open present number 2. Or should he space them out? John's frown deepened as he considered his options but a bleeping from beyond the room then interrupted his musing and he leapt up from the bed.

John grinned in delight and flicked open the comm. as he fell into the chair before the console. "Hey there!" He sighed merrily.

There was silence.

"Alex?" John asked carefully.

The click of her connection came and went but she made no reply.

"Alex? Is that you? Are you okay?"

Again a click and then the sound of her sighing shakily. "I'm sorry." She husked.

John frowned in concern. "Why? What's happened?"

"I …" Alex cleared her throat and sobbed slightly. "I wanted to talk to you but … I'm sorry … now I've heard your voice I … oh crap …"

"It's okay," John said softly, "I'm here … take your time." He clenched his teeth and knew that he would have to find some way of being able to see her. The photographs Penny had sent him had not helped as he had hoped they might and he frowned as he opened the file and looked at the images again.

The first was an official shot of her in her police uniform; she looked much younger than she had the other day and he wondered if she had changed a lot or whether it was simply that he had not exactly seen her at her best. The other photograph was more casual and showed her standing between two other people at what must have been a Christmas party; she was raising her glass in a toast and smiling merrily, a strand of tinsel wrapped around her shoulders.

"John? You there?"

John jumped slightly and could feel his cheeks flushing. He tore his eyes from the photographs and turned towards the screen that indicated their open line. "Yeah. Sorry. I'm here."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." John replied quickly, adding to himself that he would be more than fine if she could be with him.

"They called me in for a review." Alex explained after a while, her voice tight and quiet. "They gave me a choice; extended leave or an admin post."

John closed his eyes and groaned slightly.

"I've been doing this for five years, John!" Alex shouted suddenly, "I love my job and I can't - " her voice cracked and the connection clicked closed.

John waited for her to continue and tried to think of something helpful to say.

"But maybe they're right." Alex ventured after a moment. "Maybe this is just a temporary thing and I just need time …"

"Yeah," John soothed, his own voice straining to get past the sudden lump in his throat.

"It's because they don't know me." Alex continued huskily, "If this had happened at my last station then maybe … mind you, that was a small town and then … then this wouldn't have happened in the first place."

"Then we wouldn't have met." John offered quietly, frowning as he suddenly worried if he was now supposed to feel glad of the attack on the station.

"I know … I know …" Alex took a deep breath and sighed heavily, "It's just … no one else understands except you and I've waited all evening to get home so I could call you and then … then I couldn't."

John heard the tears that she was fighting against and smiled in understanding. He could remember what it was like as a child, hearing his mother's voice and suddenly unable to keep the composure that he had managed to muster and it flattered him that Alex had reacted in such a way to him.

"I'm sorry." Alex whispered across the radio.

"Why?" John asked softly.

"This must all seem a bit too intense," Alex explained quietly, "We only met a few days ago."

"Maybe that's how it works, sometimes." John countered evenly, suddenly realising that his palpitations had faded and his mind was calm.

"Yeah, maybe." Alex agreed quietly.

John hated this. Without being able to see her, his mind was inventing all sorts of possibilities behind even the slightest emotion in her voice.

"I'm knackered!" Alex sighed suddenly, "I decided a walk would do me good but it's a long way home from work. Each tube station I kept telling myself I'd get on at the next one and then before you know it I'm home and my feet are killing me!"

John smiled and flexed his own aching legs, weary from running.

"And it was raining. So, all in all, walking was a really great plan!" Alex laughed softly, "It's nice now, though – pretty sunset."

John peered out at the northern hemisphere beneath the station and smiled thinly, realising that for three weeks each month he never saw a sunset or sunrise and he had not thought of it before. He knew when dawn or dusk occurred but, above the atmosphere, the sun glared through the tinted Plexiglas windows in uniform bright white-yellow.

"I guess you'll see it in about eight hours." Alex offered lightly after a moment.

"No." John looked out at the stars that surrounded him and wanted to describe the view to her. "I have no outside windows here."

"Oh. Oh, I couldn't cope with that. I hate confined spaces."

I didn't used to, John thought to himself.

"Well, you could always pop outside for some fresh air." Alex offered helpfully.

John smiled in amusement, knowing full well what would happen if he simply opened the door, let alone 'popped' outside.

"Or maybe when you go home." Alex continued.

"I'm here all night." John countered.

"Oh."

"I work better at night." He explained, "My genius is at its peak in the early hours."

"Oh, really!" Alex laughed softly.

"Yeah." John enthused, "Not that I'm a mad scientist or anything."

"And the white hair and mysterious 24 hour lab work do a lot to help convince me of that." Alex chuckled.

John was about to protest and then laughed as he realised that she did have a point.

"I wouldn't have put you down for a geek." Alex continued merrily.

"Oh, thanks!" John smiled, "That's one of those odd 'is she complimenting me or not?' phrases!"

"It's a compliment!" Alex urged. "You don't look like a geek. When you're with your brother you look like you belong in a boy band!"

John laughed loudly and shook his head in disbelief. He then pictured himself standing with his younger siblings and for a moment he could agree with her.

"Scott's a bit of a lady's man." Alex continued.

"Yeah." John agreed with a chuckle. "He's the lead singer."

"Okay, okay!" Alex sighed, "I'm sorry! I was only teasing."

John smiled and wondered what his brothers would make of her idea. They would probably revel in the notion of being famous stars stuck on the bedroom wall of every teenage girl across the world.

"Is it just you and Scott?" Alex asked after a moment.

"No, I've got four brothers."

"There are five of you?" Alex chuckled in amusement.

"Yep." Scott smiled, "But we're all too busy for a record deal right now."

"Shame."

"What about you?" John asked.

"What? Have I got a record deal?"

"No, silly! What's your family like?"

"Oh," Alex sighed, "Mum and dad live about an hour away. Dad's a vicar and mum's a school teacher."

"A vicar?" John frowned. "Like, a priest?"

"Yeah, kind of."

"Is he real strict?"

"No!" Alex laughed softly, "But we do differ on many topics. It makes Sunday lunch entertaining."

John nodded and recalled how raucous family dinner on the island could be. Last Saturday evening was the first time they had all been together for a long time and it had been wonderful. It was unfortunate that it had taken such an ordeal to get them together and he wondered if they ought to make a point of meeting up more often.

"I've not seen them for a while, though. We don't really speak much."

"Oh?"

"My dad doesn't approve of my chosen career." Alex explained and then laughed suddenly, "He doesn't know that I had thought of applying for the army before this came up!"

John smiled and then was distracted by a flashing motif on one of the plasma screens before him. "Can you give me a second, Alex – I just need to sort something."

"Sure."

John closed the connection to Alex's frequency and opened the link on the other channel. "Gordon." He smiled in greeting.

"Hey dude." Gordon nodded and stifled a yawn. "Just checking in to make sure you're okay."

"Thanks, I'm fine." John affirmed, "You?"

"I'm exhausted." Gordon sighed heavily, "Dad's decided that the twerp should have some official training. I've spent most of the day stuck out in the ocean in Thunderbird 4 with the little sprout."

John groaned in sympathy and his smile grew. "And how is dearest Alan?"

"Hopelessly in love and high on life." Gordon rolled his eyes in exasperation, "God, he can talk! My ears are ringing!"

"At least he's happy." John observed with a shrug and saw the concern that crossed Gordon's face. "I mean, it's good that he's so cheerful after what happened."

"I think he's overcompensating." Gordon countered.

John laughed and shook his head slowly. "Man, I'm glad that I'm away from all that sometimes."

"Yeah!" Gordon enthused, "It's not fair! You have it easy! Get your ass back down here and do your share of the Alan-sitting!"

"Nah!" John laughed again, "I think I'll take my chances up here." Suddenly his heart was racing as he recalled that there used to be a time when being up on the station was not taking a risk and he wished he could go back there.

"He's locked up, John." Gordon offered quietly, a deep frown settling over his dark eyes as he watched John's demeanour change. "You'retotally safe."

John's smile returned gradually and he took a deep breath. "I know, Gordy … I know. I just wish someone would tell that to my nightmares."

"I just did." Gordon shrugged.

"True." John nodded, "Thanks."

"No problem, dude." Gordon yawned loudly and waved a farewell.

"Later." John acknowledged and closed the line. "Alex? You still there?"

There was a slight pause and then the connection opened. "Yup! I was just getting some snackies."

John laughed softly and nodded in agreement, realising he was also hungry. "What you got?"

"Cheese and marmite on toast." Alex replied.

"Marmite?" John frowned and then gasped as he recalled something that Penny had given him to taste once. "Oh man! That's the brown stuff that burns through your tongue!"

"Only if you have too much!" Alex laughed, "It's lovely. Perfect comfort food – and good for a hangover."

"Eww!" John groaned.

"Yeah!" Alex enthused, "Marmite on toast and a glass of milk."

"Nasty!"

"Have you finished what you needed to do?" Alex asked in interest.

"Yeah." John agreed, smiling as he recalled Scott's observation and realising how good it felt that Gordon was compelled to call him and tell him about his day.

"I've got some stuff to sort out before I go to bed." Alex sighed heavily, "I don't want to go but …"

"I know." John smiled, "I understand."

"I'll call tomorrow." Alex offered lightly.

"Yeah." John agreed, wishing that he could call her when he needed to but he didn't know where she might be and she wouldn't have her radio tuned to this frequency if she was at work.

"Sleep tight."

"Be safe." John responded and switched off the connection.

Wandering through to his bedroom, John flopped face first onto his bed and groaned softly into the pillow. His mind was calm and his heart drummed a steady rhythm in his ears. Deciding to make the most of it, he curled up on his side and sighed contentedly as he quickly drifted to sleep.


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay, we have to have a bit of Alex perspective now - you'll see why in later installments - but the boys aren't far away .... **

**A/N: just for a bit of fun ... the character of Detective Superintendent Ben Pryce is based on a certain cameo role that Mr Frakes has at the end of the movie! Couldn't resist! ;o)**

ooo

The sun was just appearing through the tall buildings as she jogged to the top of the stairs and out of the underground station. The wind that blew gently along the streethad an icy chill and she pulled her jacket up around her ears. From somewhere behind her came the sound of sirens and she turned to watch the police car weaving quickly through the small gathering of early morning traffic.

Alex continued along the street and watched as the police car soon turned a corner and was gone from sight. The two-tone sirens continued to echo around the buildings and she frowned in interest. This was what had first caught her attention when she was a young girl and ever since the first time she had been startled by the sudden noise and lights of an approaching police car, she had wanted to know where they were going and what had happened. The solution had seemed simple; join up and find out.

It had not been easy. First there was the response from her parents and she had been disappointed with their initial lack of support. Then there was the two years of training and, despite the claims of the police public relations teams; it was still tough for a woman to work in the midst of so much testosterone. Perhaps that was why her parents were so against the idea; they thought that their gentle daughter would become some harder than nails, probably gay, stereotype – and, in hindsight, cutting her long hair to a more sensible, hat-friendly style had not helped matters.

They were a little more relaxed now; if she didn't talk too much about her daily work then they seemed happy to forget what she did for a living and being around them was easy. Which was why she could not tell them about the stabbing. It wasn't worth thinking about the hassle that them knowing would cause and she would not be surprised if her father called up the Super to demand her dismissal.

Last night's telephone conversation with her parents had been more helpful than she had expected and she had felt bad for not calling but she had wanted to wait until she could be sure to remain composed. She had then called up Paula and discovered that the three of them had hung around with Freddy and Max for another two days before deciding perhaps they ought to get back to their jobs.

Alex smiled as she recalled how smug Paula had been when she had thanked her for taking her out that night. She had reluctantly told Paula a little more detail about the time she had spent with John and that, yes, she had called him a few times since. Paula had been delighted and very enthusiastic.

"Morning!"

Alex gasped. She had been wandering along in a world of her own and had not noticed the man that had hurried over to her. "Oh, morning Tom."

Tom laughed merrily, "What have you been up to?"

"What?" Alex frowned.

"You were grinning like you left a pleasant surprise for the next passengers on the tube!" Tom giggled.

"Nice." Alex sighed.

"How are you, anyway?" Tom continued.

Alex nodded slightly, "Better, thanks." She smiled at him and saw the concern in his eyes. He had been there that morning. Her heart raced as she recalled his horror when he had hurried over to her and discovered what had happened.

"Good." Tom smiled, "I've been out with Geordie for the past few days and it's driving me mad – I can't understand a bloody word he says!"

Alex laughed gently and then shrugged her shoulders. "I'm in for the rest of the week, though."

"Oh?" Tom frowned.

"Yeah, Supe wants me away from the action for a while. Seems I've been somewhat affected by what happened."

"No shit!" Tom laughed, "I would be, too, if some psycho-fucker had shoved ten inches of steel into me!" He saw the pain that flashed across her face and groaned slightly. "God, Al, I'm sorry – I didn't mean to be so blunt."

Alex smiled and shook her head. "Don't worry – it's refreshing! I don't really know everyone here yet and those I have worked with are creeping round me in uncertainty."

Tom nodded in understanding. "They don't know what to say, so they don't. A lesson I am yet to learn! I'm always jumping in with both feet and then thinking 'oh crap' later!"

Alex laughed and followed him up the steps into the police station.

"I guess I'll see you later, then." Tom offered as he headed towards the men's changing room.

"Yeah," Alex nodded, "Stop by and have a cup of shitty coffee."

"Nah!" Tom laughed, "I'll go to Starbucks for us!"

"Absolutely!" Alex enthused and watched him disappear into the locker room. "See ya."

ooo

She had somehow hoped that today wouldn't be so bad. She was wrong. And she was bored. By 11am Alex was restless and sure that her head would explode if she had to sort out one more report. They had assigned her to the clear up desk, basically filing reports and ensuring that all necessary documents were complete before being passed on to the appropriate departments. She could have been placed at the front desk or even in the switchboard but this was tedious.

Alex glanced around at her colleagues and saw that they were all busy at their desks or making phone calls. Not wanting to interrupt them, she turned back to her work and sighed heavily.

"Winter?"

Alex jumped slightly and looked up to see the Inspector waiting at the door of the large room. "Sir?" She nodded and frowned in interest.

"A moment, please." The Inspector smiled thinly and indicated the open door of his office that could be seen through the glass panelling.

"Sir." Alex stood and hurried after him.

Not aware of anything that she had done wrong, Alex's frown grew as she entered the office and her heart began to race as she was asked to close the door. It was like being back at school and sent to the headmaster's office and she smiled nervously as she stood before the desk.

"Have a seat." The Inspector smiled and indicated the chair across the desk from him. "It's nothing serious, Alex, I just wanted to talk to you."

Alex nodded in understanding and sat down as instructed. The use of her first name was not reassuring; this was going to be about last week.

"I didn't have a chance to speak to you after your chat with Dr Mitchell yesterday." The Inspector continued.

Alex smiled thinly; it wasn't an informal 'chat' as far as she was concerned, the shrink had called her unstable and she had fled the building fighting back tears.

"These kinds of incidents don't happen very often – which is a good thing but not so for the people involved because, very often, we don't know what to do for the best in the aftermath." The Inspector took a deep breath and then smiled thinly. "You asked to go back out and I agreed that was the best cause of action but …"

Alex swallowed back the lump in her throat and her frown grew. "May I speak candidly, sir?"

"Please." He nodded.

"I know that I freaked out the other day but I think that's to be expected the first time back in the field." She sighed and shook her head. "But that first day is done now and it'll be better next time. I don't think being in here will help me – it's only going to give me more time to worry. I know what the shr- doctor said about me but, with respect, sir, he doesn't know me."

The Inspector nodded slowly. "You came here very highly commended from Hampshire Constabulary." The Inspector opened the file on his desk and glanced down at the reports it contained. He looked back up at Alex and regarded her for a moment. "Dr. Mitchell is very experienced in his field but I would agree with you, I think he has misjudged you."

Alex couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped her tight lips and she smiled happily.

"The admin work that is done here is vital," The Inspector shrugged, "But it's a gross misuse of your abilities."

"Thank you, sir." Alex nodded.

"Finish up the files that you have left and then after lunch I'll get you out with the next patrol."

"Thank you!" Alex beamed and stood with him to reach over and shake his hand firmly.

"At the first sign of a freak out like last week," The inspector cautioned, "Take a deep breath and ride it out."

Alex laughed and thanked him again before heading out of the office.

ooo

Alex was humming merrily as she climbed into the passenger side of the police car and buckled herself in. Okay, so she wasn't thought focused enough to drive right now but at least she was getting out there.

"Ready?" Tom asked with a smile, able to clearly see the answer on her happy face. "It's only an obligatory lap of the West End."

"Doesn't matter!" Alex shrugged.

Tom laughed and switched on the engine. "Fair enough." He laughed and eased the car into gear.

"Inspector Pryce seems like a nice bloke." Alex offered as they headed out of the car park and merged with the lunchtime traffic.

"He is." Tom agreed and glanced at Alex. "And he's just become your best mate, I bet!"

Alex smiled, "No. He's giving me a fair chance and I appreciate it, that's all."

"Unlike Mitchell," Tom offered, "He's too much of a bureaucrat – he'll sign off anyone that seems a bit unpredictable, just in case they go loopy and a member of the public complains."

"Loopy like the other day?" Alex frowned.

"No!" Tom gasped, "That bloke had it coming! And we achieved a successful arrest with minimal damage – it was fine!"

"Only because your report said as much."

Tom shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't see any problem with your handling of that arrest." He glanced at her again and smiled thinly. "It was the falling to pieces when we got back to the station that was unfortunate."

Alex nodded thoughtfully.

"Seriously." Tom continued, "Don't let Mitchell get wind of it. Come out with me and the other guys and collapse over a pint."

"Yeah, I know." Alex smiled, "It's just that I only moved here last month and it's taken time to settle in."

Tom laughed softly and, now paused at a red light, turned to face her. "Even more reason to come out and party." He urged, "How better to get to know people than with a shit load of alcohol to loosen up a bit?"

Alex laughed and nodded in agreement, her mind suddenly springing back to the nightclub and meeting John. She looked out at the traffic as the lights changed and they moved forward.

"Oh crap!" Tom groaned as he turned into a side street and came face to face with a roadblock. "I forgot about this short-cut being cut off." He turned to look behind them and began to reverse the car along the street.

Alex frowned at the lack of presence around the block and peered along the street. "There's no maintenance or anything. Why's it closed?"

"Oh, all that stuff at the weekend." Tom sighed, "They've cordoned off the whole area around the Bank of London while they clean up the mess."

"Oh, of course!" Alex gasped, "The thing with the Thunderbirds!"

"Mmm," Tom agreed idly as he turned his attention to reversing out onto the busy main street.

"I watched that on the TV in the hospital." Alex frowned as she recalled the details. "No one at the station talks about it much."

Tom waved a thank you to the van driver that had stopped to allow him access onto the road and eased the car onto the street. "We were all asked not to." He shrugged, "Only the high ranks know the absolute ins and outs."

Alex nodded in thought, "Were you there?"

Tom nodded, "I helped clear the crowds in Jubilee Gardens." He glanced at her and a wide grin pulled at his mouth. "The rockets are amazing!"

Alex laughed and shook her head in wonder.

"We've all done _so_ well not to talk about it!" Tom enthused, "It was quite a sight." He turned the car down a different side street and they emerged onto the Embankment beside the river.

Alex looked out through the windscreen and gazed up at the immense wheel of the London Eye. She then caught sight of the tents and tarpaulin covering the damage to the gardens behind.

"I'd not have believed it," Tom continued merrily, "Those machines are bloody huge!"

Alex nodded and laughed at his boyish excitement.

Tom glanced her way and saw her amusement. "Oh, you'd have been just as hyped up if you'd been there!" His smile suddenly faded as he realised what he had said and he shrugged an apology.

"I'm sure I would." Alex nodded and turned her attention back to the road and their patrol route.

"You should see the mess they made of the grass!" Tom smiled.

Alex laughed, amused and also warming towards his childish enthusiasm.

"You want to go there?"

"What?" Alex frowned.

"To the gardens." Tom shrugged, "We could finish our lap and then pop across the river."

"I don't think we ought to go outside our perimeter." Alex countered cautiously.

"Nah!" Tom chuckled, "We'll be fine!"

It had cost them a box of muffins and fresh coffee to get here and Tom would have eagerly paid his friends more if he had needed to. Alex followed timidly as Tom giggled merrily and ducked under the police tape that cordoned off the area to wander out across the gardens. Glancing back, she saw the officers that guarded the scene tucking happily into their bribe. She thought it odd that there should be such a heavy police presence here but then they wandered behind the sheet metal fencing and could see the massive hole beneath the tarpaulin covering.

"They dug right through to the bank." Tom enthused merrily.

Alex smiled at his wide-eyed wonder and peered down into the dark depths of the entrance to the tunnel. She could remember some of the details from the news and shook her head slightly. "How are they going to fill it securely?"

Tom shrugged and wandered round the hole. "I guess they'll replace some of the earth and then top it with concrete or something." He headed back out into the gardens and strode across to point at something amid the grass.

Alex hurried over to the large black indentation that was scorched onto the lawn and smiled in wonder.

"It was amazing," Tom looked up into the cloudless blue sky above them and sighed heavily. "They're _huge_!" He seemed to be recalling gazing up at one of the rockets and he shook his head slightly. "And the _heat_ coming off the engines is intense!" He laughed and turned back to Alex. "But some people are so _stupid_! I just couldn't believe that we had to fight to keep the crowd away from the engines of a bloody rocket!"

Alex chuckled softly and nodded in understanding, "Crispy fried onlookers, huh?"

"Yeah!" Tom enthused.

Alex smiled and then looked round to see the other varying sizes of scorch marks and the sunken areas where the ships had landed on the soft ground.

"I bet cleaning up all this mess is costing quite a bit." Tom thought aloud.

"Yeah!" Alex agreed, "I wonder who gets the bill?"

"Oh, the Thunderbirds are paying for it all." Tom shrugged, "They insisted, apparently. I guess it helps keep the government sweet. They cause enough chaos when they drop by anyway!"

Alex frowned slightly, "What d'you mean?"

"Well, for a start, there are the crazy crowds that gather wherever they arrive and then the disruption their craft cause." Tom saw her frown deepen and shrugged slightly. "They emit some kind of signal scrambler that fucks up all nearby electrical equipment." He shrugged slightly, "Speculation is that it's for security and prevents them or their craft being filmed or photographed."

Alex's frown faded and she laughed softly, "So how do they get onto the news then?"

"Well," Tom stepped closer to her and lowered his voice. "The gossip goes that either that reporter bird is one of them or the TV station is funding them in order to get exclusive rights."

Alex laughed and shook her head in disbelief. "Some people just need to get out more!"

"What?" Tom grumbled defensively. "It's cool stuff! You'd be just as into it all if you'd seen them."

"I suppose." Alex nodded and looked round the gardens. "But I wasn't." She turned back to him in amusement, "And you're not supposed to be talking about it!" She stepped past him and headed back across to their waiting car. "Come on, we've got work to do."

"Spoil sport." Tom smiled and slowly followed after her.

ooo

Alex slipped out of her uniform and pulled her jeans back on. She looked round to ensure no one was nearby and placed her radio into her bag. Checking her watch, she smiled as she figured she would have enough time to call John before getting ready to go out and meet Tom and the others at the pub.

Alex hurried from the locker room and made her way through the quiet station to the front door. She almost collided with the Inspector as he emerged from a side door along the corridor and they caught each other before both losing balance.

"Sorry, sir!" Alex laughed and felt her cheeks blushing.

The Inspector looked at his watch and smiled down at her. "We're off duty." He shrugged, "Call me Ben."

Alex chuckled nervously, "That doesn't seem right, sir."

The Inspector shrugged and then nodded back along the corridor. "How was it today?"

Alex followed him warily and nodded a reply. "Fine, sir – I mean, Ben! Sorry, sir – Ben."

The Inspector laughed and guided her into his office.

"It was a quiet day." Alex shrugged, "It was fine. I guess I'll see what I'm like on an emergency some other day."

"Dr. Mitchell wasn't happy with my decision." The Inspector continued, "He wants you back in."

"So …" Alex sighed, "You've either brought me here to tell me I'm back in or to put even more pressure on me."

The Inspector nodded and shrugged an apology. "I'm going on gut instinct and I've spoken to Tom. It's the latter."

Alex smiled thinly and nodded in gratitude. "I appreciate the faith, sir. I won't let you down."

The Inspector regarded her in interest for a moment and then took a deep breath. "Listen, Alex … I wasn't exactly telling the truth earlier – about not having much experience with what you're going through."

Alex frowned in interest as she saw the pain that flashed across his face.

The Inspector shook his head slowly and looked down at his hands, sinking into a memory for a moment. "It took me months to get over it." He continued eventually. "But I was able to get some sort of closure when I faced my attacker in court and saw him sent down for ten years." He looked up slowly and shrugged his shoulders.

Alex swallowed back the lump in her throat and nodded slowly.

"I'm very aware that you won't get that opportunity." The Inspector sighed, "Or, at least, not in that way."

Alex frowned again and could feel her heart thudding against her chest.

"I've not mentioned this to Dr Mitchell and I understand if you think I'm just an interfering old fart but …" He smiled thinly, "I think I have an idea that might help you move on but … well, it takes a great deal of strength to face up to your fear and … maybe that's what you need to do."

Alex couldn't move. She simply couldn't believe that he was suggesting that she go see him. Go see the man that she saw enough of in her nightmares.

"He's being transferred on Sunday to a hospital for the criminally insane." The Inspector resumed. "I thought you might like to be part of the escort."

Alex slowly managed to let out the breath she was holding and the racing of her heart gradually calmed. She could see the logic in his thinking and realised that his idea did hold some appeal.

"You wouldn't have to be near him – or even see him," The Inspector shrugged, "But you might sleep easier if you see for yourself that he is locked away for good."

Alex could feel tears welling in her eyes; she was touched by his concern and moved by how deep an understanding of her situation he seemed to have.

"You've got time to think about it, yet." The Inspector smiled.

"No." Alex husked and then cleared her throat. "I'll go."

The Inspector regarded her in concern.

"Thank you." Alex nodded with a thin smile. "I want to do it."

ooo

It was a wonderful evening. Alex couldn't believe that she had not done this sooner. Her colleagues were warm and funny and she was so enjoying their company. What had started as just one or two drinks after work in a local pub had soon become several hours of chatting and laughter and she suddenly felt as though she belonged.

She had been worried about how long it had seemed to be taking for her to settle into the noisier, busier London scene and had even wondered if she had made a mistake in coming here. Her talk with the Inspector andthe company she was in was now erasing all trace of doubt and she was so pleased.

"Hello? Earth to Alex?" Tom laughed in amusement, waving his handover her eyes.

Alex was torn from her musing and smiled at his cheeky grin.

Tom held up his empty pint glass and raised his eyebrows expectantly.

"Oh!" Alex laughed and nodded in understanding, "My round." She stood quickly and wandered over to the bar, frowning as she tried to recall the ten or so drinks she needed to order.

Alex leaned against the bar and dug her hand into her bag to retrieve her purse. She frowned as her fingers brushed against her radio and her heart skipped as she suddenly realised she had not thought about him for a long while.

Looking back at the group of colleagues that were fast becoming friends, Alex's frown grew; she felt sad that tonight she didn't feel that she needed to speak to him and she wondered what this might mean.

Alex carefully ferried the tray of drinks across the pub and smiled as her friends cheered in delight. She set the tray onto the table and excused herself for a moment.

A small security light sprung into action and brightness flooded across the car park as Alex wandered outside behind the pub. She shivered in the cold air and perched on the edge of the low wall that hemmed the small garden.

Alex took the radio from her bag and stared at it in silence. As she turned the dial to find his frequency, her head was suddenly spinning and she could not decide if it was from the alcohol or from knowing what she wanted to say.

"John?" She spoke softly into the receiver and released the button, listening to the static that answered her. "Are you there?"

"Hey! Hello!" Came an enthusiastic reply, "How was your day?"

Alex turned the volume down and glanced around to ensure she was still alone.

"Fine." She answered, "You?"

"Okay-ish. Better now I can hear your voice. I've missed you today."

Alex closed her eyes and let his soothing voice swim around in her mind for a moment. "I missed you, too." She whispered after a moment. "And that's the problem."

Silence.

"John?" Alex urged quietly.

"Yeah … I'm here." He responded carefully. "I … I don't like how that sounded."

Alex sighed and clutched the radio tightly. She took a deep breath and pressed the transmit button. "I'm sorry."

"Oh god … it gets worse …"

Alex swallowed back tears and nodded slowly. "I can't do this any more." She began huskily. "My whole day is spent looking forward to this moment and I can't sleep unless I've heard your voice." She paused to clear her throat and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. "But you're on the other side of the world."

"Only for another sixteen days."

Alex smiled suddenly, "You're counting down?"

"I can tell you the calculation in seconds if you like."

Alex's smile faded and she sighed heavily. "But you'll have to go again."

"And we'll make every moment until then count."

Alex groaned and further tears poured down her flushed cheeks. "I can't live like that."

"You don't know until you try."

"Please don't make this harder than it already is." Alex pleaded.

"But, Al … I thought we had something here … a connection."

Alex heard the waiver in his voice and it made her chest ache. She remembered back to how it felt to be close to him and wished he could be there to hold her. "We do … we did …" She glanced back to the pub and her friends within. "But … I need to get my life back together and … I can't do that with you in it."

Static silence.

"If I work through this with you and get back on track … what happens if you're then not around … I'll be back where I started." Alex frowned heavily, it had made so much sense in her head but now she had said it aloud she was not so sure.

"I don't understand." John said quietly.

"I really need you, John … but you're not here."

"Oh, honey, if I could, I'd be there in a heart beat."

"I know … but you can't." Alex sobbed slightly, "I know it's only been a few days and only talking on this thing but … but I'm really falling for you and … I think it's better for both of us if we leave it here."

"I disagree."

Alex flinched at the hint of anger in his firm reply and she was unsure how to respond.

"What if _I_ need _you_?" John asked in a softer tone. "What if I feel the same intensity you do and think we should cling to it?"

Alex shook her head slowly. "Then I'm sorry."

"Don't do this." John whispered.

"I'm sorry." Alex repeated quietly. "Goodbye."


	10. Chapter 10

Tapping his fingers on the console impatiently, John glared at the terminal before him and sighed heavily. He was just considering sending an emergency signal to get a faster response when the connection then finally opened.

"Hey, dude!" Scott smiled merrily. "What's up?"

"You took long enough to answer." John grumbled in annoyance. "What happened to checking in on me? So much for me being needed!"

Scott's smile faded slightly. "We've all been busy helping with the security upgrades and stuff. You know that."

"I guess," John sighed.

"I thought you wanted things to get back to how they were?" Scott ventured carefully.

John snorted derisively, "Yeah, I just love to spend endless days up here with no contact from the island!"

"Sorry, dude." Scott frowned. "It hasn't been that long, though – Virg said he called you last night."

John froze suddenly and checked the clock on the screen beside him. "That wasn't yesterday."

"Yeah, it was!" Scott laughed gently and shook his head slowly. "Dude, you're losing - " He stopped himself, his concern returning. "John … you okay?"

"No."

Scott was quiet for a long moment, watching his brother's tired face and suddenly noticing the tears that John seemed to be holding back. "Maybe I should go get Dad."

"No!" John shouted quickly, "No, I'm okay …I … I just wanted to talk to someone."

Scott nodded slowly, his frown growing. "Sure. I'm here."

"Thanks." John smiled thinly. "Hey, I think I was kind of short with Virgil last night – or whenever it was. Is he okay?"

"Yeah." Scott shrugged, "He mentioned something about you being tired and cranky but he didn't seem too bothered. I am, though – it's not like you."

"I know." John groaned, "It just hasn't been a good week."

"That's an understatement!" Scott chuckled.

"I know. I'm just … well, I'm not coping so well right now."

"Oh." Scott fidgeted in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable with the deep and meaningful way this chat seemed to be heading. He then laughed gently and raised his eyebrows in interest. "I thought there would be at least one evening worthy of some cheer!"

"Yeah … well …" John sighed. "It seems I fucked that up as well."

"Oh?"

"Too much, too soon." John replied quietly, "Seems it was too intense."

"She brush you off, dude?"

John nodded sullenly.

"Oh shit … I'm sorry … you really liked her, too."

"We talked for hours and it was so good … we really clicked and just hearing her voice was … well …now it's back to panic attacks and no sleep."

"Don't let Dad hear you say that – he'll have you back here in a flash!"

"Maybe that wouldn't be so bad." John responded quietly.

Scott's cheer faded and he frowned down at John. "Seriously?"

John took a deep breath and let it out in a long sigh. "No."

"Because I think he would come get you if you asked him to." Scott urged.

"No." John shook his head determinedly and managed another half smile. "Oh Scott, stop being so god-damned sympathetic!"

"With pleasure!" Scott chuckled merrily, "Pull yourself together, you big baby!"

"Suck it in and get over it." John offered lightly.

"Yeah!" Scott enthused, "Be the man you are and not the cartoon character you look like!"

John laughed loudly, "Good one, bro'!"

Scott beamed proudly.

"Hey, you've not called me 'Mighty White' for a while."

"Or Bleached Wonder." Scott agreed in amusement, "Mr. Bathroom Rinse, UV, Dances with Glow bugs! And what was that one that Gordon came up with?"

"Captain John Cleaner."

"Yeah!" Scott declared happily.

"It's tough to be surrounded by such genius." John groaned.

Scott's laughter slowly calmed and he saw again the sadness behind John's smile. "You sure you don't want me to come up there?"

"You wouldn't last an hour!"

"I would too!" Scott defended defiantly.

"No way!" John laughed in wonder, "You haven't got the patience."

"I have."

John gasped in disbelief. "You so have not! And besides, someone else would then have to fly Thunderbird 1."

Scott froze suddenly and sank back against his seat. "Sorry, buddy … you're on your own!"

"Thought as much!" John grinned and shook his head slowly. "All mouth and no action."

"Excuse me?!" Scott demanded in mock horror. "I think a few ladies would disagree with you on that one!"

"So _you_ say! Personally, I doubt the quick tumbles you prefer are hardly the scene for anyone classed as a _lady_!"

Scott stared open-mouthed at his brother and seemed unable to come up with a suitable reply.

"And, while we're on the subject, the idea of you alone up here with nothing but yourself to play with drags all sorts of nasty images to mind." John giggled.

"Dude!" Scott groaned and then a wide grin spread across his face. "I take it you haven't opened present five then."

"No." John frowned, "Why?"

"Nothing."

"Scott? What have you done?"

"Nothing." Scott shrugged innocently and then looked down away from the screen. "I would do it though."

"What?"

"If you needed me to, I'd do your tour for you." Scott answered quietly, keeping his eyes averted from the screen.

John nodded slowly. "I know. Thanks." He took a deep breath and stretched his arms above his head with a loud yawn. "Well, I can't sit here chatting all day – things to see, people to do!"

Scott laughed and glanced back at the screen.

"Thanks, Scott. You've cheered me up."

"Anytime, bro'." Scott nodded. "Later."

"Thunderbird 5 out." John confirmed and quickly ended the transmission. For a moment he sat in silence and stared at the blank screen where his brother's face had just been. After a minute or so the first tears began to form and he sank forward, folding his arms on the console and resting his head there with a sigh.

So. It had begun. And after the distraction of rebuilding the station and the comfort he had found in Alex's company, this was horrible.

John had slowly slipped from the chair onto the floor and now found himself leaning back against the console, hugging his knees to his chest. Crying pulled at the healing muscles across his back and was now grating his painfully dry throat but he just could not stop.

It was inevitable. He was bound to enter this stage at some point. But somehow he had been fooled into thinking that perhaps he was going to bypass this and move from not coping to magically coping, without the pitiful blubbering between.

At first his loud sobs had echoed disconcertingly around the empty station and he had tried to keep quiet. But that made his chest hurt and after a while he remembered that there was, after all, no one up here to disturb.

So now he had lost control. His mind was empty of everything except an almost physical pain from the trauma of everything that he had tried to deal with since the missile had struck the station. And he howled.

After a while he began to grow quieter in his weeping, not through choice but simply because he was fast running out of energy. He slumped onto his side and curled up fetal-like on the anti-grav plating, tucking one of his tightly clenched fists under his cheek to form some sort of protection from the hard metal floor. If he was sensible, he could have moved to the bedroom but his heavy limbs, exhausted from crying, would not respond.

Wailing had now been replaced with the slight moan that caught in his throat with each breath and the occasional hiccup of a sob. John lay there on his side and gradually some sense of thought began to gently return to his mind but all it did was let him mull over one word. Lonely.

It was not a new sensation. He had considered the isolation of his role before but it had never seemed quite so apparent, not until he had tasted what it was like to really enjoy the company of another person.

God, he wished Alex was there now. It was an irrational, illogical need to have her near and he could not understand it. It wasn't that he was deeply in love – not that he would perhaps really know if he was – nor that he needed her there for more physical reasons. It was just a connection that he felt and a peace that he gained from her presence. And it was addictive.

Perhaps it was better that she had pulled away. Perhaps it was not healthy to use her as some sort of wonder drug to combat the turmoil he was going through. Perhaps he had to get through this on his own and then find her again. Perhaps, as she had said, if she helped him deal with all this now and then left at some time in the future then the consequences would be worse.

But what could possibly be worse than this? John paused suddenly in his rhythmic whimpering and frowned in thought as he remembered that he had felt like this before. Fresh tears gathered as he was suddenly filled with painful memories of a time so familiar and he could not hold them at bay.

"Mom …"

It was beneath his breath and barely audible but he knew he had said it. And the sobbing began anew. Quieter this time because he was too worn-out to repeat the previous breakdown but no less painful.

_Hush, my angel …_

John's heart slammed against his chest as he slowly registered the voice that had whispered close to his ear. He held his breath and dared not move. What was this? A memory? An illusion?

_Don't cry … it was just a bad dream … I'm here …_

John closed his eyes tightly and bit his lip in an attempt to hold back the sob that rose in his throat as he felt the touch. Someone was stroking his hair. But who? He knew the voice but how could she be here? It couldn't be a ghost – she had never seen the station, let alone stepped aboard.

_My beautiful, intelligent son … you think too much … trust me … just let it __go …_

He wanted to open his eyes and see if it really was her but something told him that this would shatter the illusion and the voice was helping him, after all. Even if it did mean he was finally and absolutely losing the plot, it felt good.

_Shh … it'll be okay …_

John lay still and finally took a breath. Her gentle fingers moved through his hair and occasionally brushed the side of his face, lovingly stroking his skin as she had every night when he was a child. Dad would tell them a story and fill their minds with wonder as he described the stars and the adventures he exaggerated for them. Mom would perch on the edge of the bed and spend a few moments with each of them, soothing them to sleep.

John let out a long sigh and could feel his body begin to relax. It was an odd place to fall asleep but moving now would destroy the image and he sank back against the console. Except it wasn't the console, it was Mom sitting behind him on his bed and now he could even feel the slight incline from her weight on his mattress.

_That's it … let it go … forget it all … sleep …_

"Okay …" John muttered under his breath, "Okay, Mom." He let her presence wash over him and slowly his mind cleared of everything except her; the warmth of her hand and the slight scent of her perfume.

After a time he wanted to take her hand, just as he once would have done; a gentle reassuring squeeze of her fingers and he would be asleep. He moved his arm and reached up instinctively, gasping as his trembling fingers brushed against his own hand.

"Shit!" John sat up quickly and stared down at his hands, his breath coming in quick gasps. "Oh shit! Oh shit! I'm losing it! I'm fucking losing it!" He closed his eyes and tightly squeezed away the last of his tears before then wiping his face on his sleeve. John rested his head back and banged his head against the console repeatedly, trying to somehow knock the images from his mind. The action hurt and he groaned in annoyance. "Come on, get with it, John!" He chided himself and shook his head in dismay. "Don't let this happen!"

John's legs were weak beneath him as he grabbed the chair and pulled himself up onto his feet. Shuddering slightly at the memory of the hallucination, John stumbled through to the bathroom and hurried over to the sink. He splashed his face with cold water and groaned into the soft material of the hand towel as he patted his skin dry.

With a sigh, John stood up straight and that was when he saw her. The breath was torn from his body before he could cry out and he stared at the face in the mirror. His heart was thumping in his ears and he steadied himself against the sink.

Somehow he summoned enough courage to turn slowly and look behind him. He groaned a confusing mixture of relief and disappointment as he saw that there was no one there.

"Shit!" John sighed into the empty bathroom and timidly turned back to look at his reflection. His own lone image gazed back at him and he frowned in confusion.

That was it, then. He was nuts. Completely nuts.

John fell to his knees on the bathroom floor and his shoulders sank heavily. He would have to call his Dad and tell him. Suddenly panic rose from somewhere inside John and he reached up to grip the basin above him as his head span dizzily. How could he let everyone down like this? What was his father going to say? What if he didn't believe him? What if he never got off the station? What if the ghost came back? What if he really was insane?

With a groan, John crawled quickly over to the toilet and heaved up the little he had managed for breakfast.

John was unsure how long he had sat in a crumpled heap beside the toilet but he did know that he was beginning to ache from being in the same awkward position. He knew he ought to move but when he tried to he was only faced with another wave of nausea and the dry retching of his long since empty stomach was getting sore.

It was only when a gentle bleeping from somewhere beyond the bathroom slowly filtered through John's confused thoughts that he decided he had to move. He pulled himself to his feet and, glancing warily around the empty station, made his way through to the comm. He checked the clock and realised that it was over five hours since Scott had called and everything had gone Twilight Zone.

"John." Jeff greeted firmly. "Why have we only got audio?"

"I'm still tinkering with a few systems and it's off temporarily." John responded calmly and glanced down at the specks of vomit on his suit.

"Oh. Okay."

"It's fine, Dad. It'll be back online soon." John continued steadily.

"You okay?"

John closed his eyes and shook his head, fighting back fresh tears. "Not really."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know." John replied quietly. "I think I need to come down."

"Oh."

"I'm … erm … I'm not doing so well today, Dad." John managed, his voice cracking.

"I see."

John sighed loudly and hung his head, wanting desperately to receive the consoling that he had witnessed his father give Alan and not the seemingly cold professionalism he was receiving now.

"Scott did say something about you feeling somewhat low."

"That's an understatement."

"Is that why video is off?"

John closed his eyes. "Yeah."

Silence.

"I'm really not feeling well." John urged carefully. "You did say that if I needed to come down then …"

"I know." Jeff sighed loudly, "But that was before - " he paused and there again was another heavy sigh. "I'm sorry, John. I can't spare anyone to come up there."

The news slammed into John and he could hardly breathe. "What?" He managed after a moment. "What? Why?"

"It's just not a good time, John."

John gasped and slammed his fist against the console in sudden fury. "Well, I'm sorry to be an inconvenience! God! What the hell is that supposed to mean? If I knew I had to fit a bad day into your schedule then I would have! Shit, Dad!" John flicked off the connection and stood to jog a few steps away from the console. He dragged his hands through his hair and let them rest on the back of his neck for a moment while he tried to steady his temper. Temper? Where the hell had that come from?

John turned and watched the incoming transmission request blinking pleadingly on the computer terminal. After a few minutes, he groaned and headed back over to the comm. Switching on video as well this time, John sighed and shook his head to convey his apology.

Jeff recoiled slightly from the sight of his pale, tired son and a frown settled over his brow. "I need you, John." He began quietly, "I need you up there."

John nodded slightly and closed his eyes. "I know. I'm sorry."

"I _promise_ I'll come get you as soon as I can." Jeff urged. "But until all this is over, I just can't spare anyone."

John jerked his head up and frowned in confusion. "Until what is over?"

"It's why I called." Jeff began, "The police are moving the Hood to a different prison tomorrow morning."

"What? Why?" John demanded worriedly.

"It seems there's a specialist prison about an hour outside London and they want him there for a more thorough assessment."

"Assessment?!" John gasped, "What is there to assess?"

Jeff shrugged slightly, "They feel that he's psychologically unstable."

"No shit!" John laughed despite himself and then suddenly remembered something Alex had said. "Wait … you mean he's playing the insanity card and will never face charges?" His heart raced as he watched his father shrug in uncertainty. "No way! No fucking way!" John shouted, regretting it instantly as he saw his father flinch at the use of the profanity.

"I know." Jeff sighed, "But it's out of our hands."

"Is it?"

Jeff's frown grew and he shook his head in warning. "I know you're not thinking anything like that."

John groaned and slumped back in his chair. "I guess."

Jeff watched his son for a moment and his scowl softened a little. "Kyrano and Onaha have taken the kids off island for a break." He continued, "Scott and I are taking Thunderbird 1 to track the convoy and make damned sure he is delivered safely to the new prison."

John nodded in understanding, "Which leaves Brains in charge and Gord and Virg on standby with Thunderbird 2."

"Exactly. I need you to keep every channel open. I want the police bands, civilian traffic and media channels under constant scrutiny. If someone's going to make a move, I want to know about it yesterday."

John sat up straight and took a deep breath. "F.A.B., Dad."

"I know that British Intelligence captured the sub but I wouldn't put anything past this guy. I want to be one step ahead of him."

"You got it."

Jeff allowed a brief smile to cross his tight lips and nodded slightly. "That's my boy."

John ignored the brief flashback to his hallucination that his father's words caused and smiled a reply.

"And I swear we'll come and get you as soon as this is done."

"Thanks, Dad." John shrugged, "But, with something to focus on, I might be okay."

"I hope so." Jeff smiled.

John closed the connection and hung his head, trying to stay calm and in control. Gritting his teeth in determination, he sat back up and began to create the links he would need to open in order to keep tracks of everything that was happening. He frowned as a new transmission came through and he quickly opened a channel.

"My god, John – you look awful!" Penelope gasped in horror.

"Thanks." John managed something of a smile.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." John shrugged, keeping his eyes down and away from her worried expression.

"John." Penelope urged.

"It's nothing!" John sighed and somehow managed to look straight up at her. "This is normal. After a few days artificial gravity has this effect on me."

"Well, I don't believe a word of that!" Penelope scoffed but her frown then softened and she nodded slightly. "But if you don't want to talk then I respect that."

"Thanks." John husked and then quickly cleared his throat. "What's up?"

"I just got off the phone with Commissioner Browning - "

"Charlie!" John exclaimed merrily.

"Indeed." Penelope blushed slightly.

"It's a bit late for him to call." He wondered aloud.

"It's only eleven o'clock and I called him!" Penelope retorted and then laughed softly. "And since when did I have a curfew?!" She shook her head slowly and then took a deep breath. "Anyway. I was calling to tell you that the Hood - "

"Is being transferred tomorrow morning." John nodded, "I know. Dad just called. He said it's some home for psychos or something."

"Broadmoor." Penelope nodded, "It's where all the best insane murderers go."

"He didn't actually kill anyone." John countered evenly, confused as to why he was suddenly defending him.

"But he tried." Penelope shrugged, "And it seems his preaching about being on a higher plane to the rest of us has done him no good whatsoever!" She chuckled softly. "But the main thing is that the staff there have experience in dealing with pleasant characters such as him."

John nodded in understanding.

"That's not why I called, though." Penelope added carefully. "John … Alex is part of the convoy."

John swallowed back the bile that rose in his throat and clenched his fists.

"I thought you would want to know."

"Why?"

Penelope frowned in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Why would I want to know?" John slowly looked back up at the screen and sighed angrily. "What good could possibly come of me knowing that?"

"Because you care about her."

"And look what good that did!" John scoffed.

"What do you mean?"

"Alex isn't interested, Pen! In conversation or friendship or anything else I might have to offer."

"Oh." Penelope groaned softly. "Oh, I'm so sorry, John."

"She says I'm too far away." John sighed, "And, boy, do I feel it sometimes."

Penelope nodded in empathy.

"So … great … now I get to sit and watch while she escorts some dangerous psycho who might be capable of just about anything."

"John, I didn't know! I thought - "

"I know, I know." John agreed quietly.

Penelope groaned again and shook her head slowly. "She's such a fool!" She watched John frown in confusion and she smiled fondly. "I don't think she really understands what she's giving up."

"Thanks, Pen."

"I'm serious!" Penelope urged, "Maybe someone should have a word. I'm trailing the convoy tomorrow, I could ask Parker to pull alongside and I'll tell her how silly she's being."

"No, it's okay." John smiled. "But I appreciate the thought."

"Anytime, dude."

John laughed loudly and stared at Penelope in amused horror. "Did you just call me 'dude'?!"

"Do you know, I dobelieve I just may have." Penelope grinned. "See what a bad influence you boys are on me?"

"Well, we do try." John chuckled, "Oh, Pen, that's made my day! See ya!"

"Cheerio."

* * *

**Hey guys! _Huge_ thank you for all your positive feedback. **

**So this chapter has dug yet even further into poor John's emotional trauma and it's all a bit depressing! But I sense that you appreciate the realism that I'm trying to stick with - and it's also crucial tothe plot. There'll be a change of pace soon and John will have something to seriously pull his mindback from the brink when it all kicks off in the next installment. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Merry Christmas everybody!**

**Usual disclaimer. Thanks to my sources for the Met Police info. Enjoy!**

* * *

From this distance, it was hard to make out any detail amid the green and grey patchwork of the country that passed beneath them. It had stopped raining at last but the odd wisp of cloud interrupted any hope of working out exactly what was going on.

Scott frowned and peered down through the transparent underside of the cockpit. "It would be easier to monitor the situation if we went lower."

"No. We can't."

Scott turned and met a similar concern in his father's eyes.

"We can't be seen." Jeff continued. "I don't want to attract attention."

"Maybe the police would be glad of our presence." Scott shrugged.

Jeff smiled thinly. "I don't think they know how volatile their cargo is and it's better that way; they're not likely to make a mistake if they're not panicking."

"Surely they know who he is?"

"No." Jeff replied, "That was considered too much of a security risk."

Scott shook his head and adjusted his position in his seat. "So now we've got possibly one of the most dangerous men alive being taken on a Sunday morning daytrip."

"Hardly!" Jeff laughed. "How we doing, John?"

"All clear, Dad." Came the reply over the comm. "Checkpoint six successfully reached and no concerns."

"And on the civilian wavebands?"

"Nothing." John confirmed. "And the police chopper is reporting smooth traffic conditions ahead."

"Unusually so?" Jeff urged.

"He didn't sound concerned, no."

"Good." Jeff nodded slowly. "Penny?"

"Holding steady 1 mile behind the convoy." Penelope replied. "Parker and I have just joined the motorway."

"_Motor-_way!" Scott chuckled softly, "I love it!"

Jeff nodded in amused agreement and then his frown returned. "What's our E.T.A.?"

"Police band says 42 minutes." John replied.

"I concur." Penelope offered, "It's not far."

Jeff nodded thoughtfully. "Everyone keep sharp."

"F.A.B." Penelope and John confirmed together.

"Like a well-oiled machine." Scott mumbled happily and started humming a tune under his breath.

Jeff turned and watched his son. Scott's hands flew over the controls easily, his subconscious seemingly blended in perfect tune with his craft; he knew every inch of the rocket and anticipated every slight adjustment before it was required. Jeff smiled proudly and remembered a time when he had been as young, as confident, and as cocky.

"You think John will be okay?" Scott asked suddenly.

Jeff was pulled from his musing and his frown returned. He glanced at the comm. and sighed in relief as he saw that Scott had already closed the outgoing transmission. "Yeah, I hope so. He just needs time."

Scott nodded thoughtfully. "You don't think he should see this doctor friend of Penny's?"

"Perhaps." Jeff shrugged.

"He knows what I think." Scott offered lightly, "I think he simply uses his brain too much."

Jeff nodded and another smile pulled at his mouth.

"Not that we'd have him any other way." Scott added quietly.

"Hmm." Jeff mumbled thoughtfully and turned to look back out at the scenery far beneath them. He then gasped as Thunderbird 1 suddenly lurched beneath him and he looked back at his son to make a sarcastic observation.

"Uh … Dad?" Scott let go of the controls and clutched his gloved hands to his head. "I can't … uh … oh god - "

"Scott?!" Jeff demanded anxiously, suddenly feeling the semi-weightlessness of their rapid descent. He grabbed the controls and steadied the craft, forcing a climb back up through the clouds. "Scott! What's wrong?" Jeff switched on the autopilot and reached across to grab at Scott's arm.

Scott let his head fall back and groaned weakly, his face distorted in a wave of pain.

"Son?" Jeff demanded in a panic. He unlocked his harness and lifted the bars over his head. Standing quickly, he stepped across the central console and leaned over Scott. "Scott?" Jeff took his son's head in his hands and tried to rouse him.

Scott opened his eyes and stared blankly up at his father, pain crossing his face.

"Scott?" Jeff urged softly, his heart racing as he saw the blood that now trickled from his son's nose.

"I tried to fight him, Dad." Scott husked, tears welling in his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"What?" Jeff gasped in horror and then suddenly Scott's left hand was around his throat.

"I'm sorry, Dad." Scott sobbed, pushing his father up and away from him and slamming him into the Plexiglas cockpit shielding.

Jeff grabbed at Scott's hand, trying to prize his fingers free but Scott's grip only tightened and suddenly Jeff's vision darkened, small spots of light dancing in the corners. He could just about make out Scott reaching for the controls with his free hand and Jeff then felt Thunderbird 1 again start a rapid descent. A chill ran through him as he watched the smile that spread across Scott's lips and suddenly he understood what was happening.

"Hello again, Jeff." Scott offered calmly.

"No!" Jeff mouthed in horror, losing focus as he tried to see what Scott was doing. He watched in disbelief the blurred sight of Scott arming the rocket and saw the smile that grew on his son's face as he fired.

* * *

John frowned in concentration and his fingers ran over the comm. controls, rapidly isolating the transmissions he was monitoring and listening for key words or phrases that might signal a problem. It was thoroughly involving and all thought of his breakdown yesterday and the sleepless night that had followed were at last pushed aside.

It was too clear, too routine. John listened to the occasional chatter on the police band and could sense the relaxed atmosphere within the convoy. He wanted to call them, to tell them to keep alert, keep focused.

Turning from the comm. to one of the digital monitor screens, John peered at the slightly snowy image before him. He had tapped into one of the news station satellites and was now using its beam to track the convoy. It was highly illegal but he knew how to keep the hijack well hidden and, besides, he did not have time to worry about formalities.

He had quickly worked out from the conversation that intermittently ran between the vehicles in the convoy that Alex was in the tailing car. Despite the use of formal call signs and official terminology, he had recognised her voice immediately and it had only taken a moment to zoom in and read the identifying codes on the roofs of the cars.

The convoy was, according to Penelope's source, fairly standard; two motorbikes leading, followed by a patrol car, the prison truck and then finally Alex bringing up the rear. The only difference was the air support that cruised in the sky above them. John pulled back to see a wider view and his frown deepened as he looked around at the other traffic on the 3-lane road. It was hard to tell if any of the other cars were simply matching speed in their mid-morning cruise or whether they were following the convoy intentionally. The police helicopter then crossed the screen and John listened to the brief report that outlined the success of the transport thus far.

John sat back from the screen and sighed heavily. Glancing at the clock and quickly working out how many minutes were left of the ETA, he closed his eyes and groaned in aggravation; this was actually not doing his stress levels any good.

With a sigh, John reached up behind him and slipped his hand under the collar of his undershirt to scratch between his shoulders. Itching was a good sign, apparently, but it was beginning to craze him and was yet another annoyance in his frustrated claustrophobia.

Suddenly John caught the edge of an almost healed burn crust and hissed in pain as his scratching flicked up the edge of the scab. The stinging pain made him hold his breath for a moment and he pulled his hand free, frowning as he saw the watery blood on the tips of his fingers.

"Shit!" John husked and stood to wander through to the bathroom. He grabbed a handful of tissue and tucked it down into the back of his undershirt. It wasn't much blood but enough to maybe dry into the soft cotton and then stick. Okay, so perhaps he was being a little too fussy but there was no one there to take the piss of him and he might as well do what he could to minimize his irritations.

"_Mayday! Mayday!"_

The sudden shout from the comm. startled John and he froze. Caught between dreading the possible cause for the emergency signal and a horrible vivid memory of shouting the words himself, John could not move.

Perhaps his mind was playing tricks with him again.

"Mayday! Mayday! Charlie Oscar from India Zero Three, we are losing control!"

There was no mistaking it. John suddenly flew from the bathroom and sped back to the central computer platform. Panicked transmissions across the police band confirmed what was happening and he watched the satellite feed in horror as the police helicopter fell from the sky.

Black smoke billowed from the tail section and, void of the rear blades, the helicopter was spinning out of control and losing altitude fast. Unsure quite what to do, the convoy seemed to be losing coherence and John watched as the distances and configuration of the vehicles lost all precision.

The helicopter slammed into the centre of the road in front of the convoy, a split second after a small huddle of traffic had passed by. It seemed to bounce slightly, still spinning and grinding the broken skis into the tarmac. John held his breath as the two police motorbikes swerved wildly and narrowly missed the wildly sweeping still smoking tail of the helicopter. The lead car and prison truck skidded to almost a halt and then also managed to manoeuvre around the helicopter. He then watched with baited breath as the tailing police car suddenly lost control and careered sideways along the road.

He wanted to close his eyes; the comm. was reporting all that occurred, there was no need for him to witness it in all too real, slightly grainy Technicolor. But suddenly the car seemed to find a grip on the road and came to a halt beside the now still helicopter.

Breathing a sigh of relief, John listened to the police quickly respond to the danger and the lead car had turned to head back into the oncoming traffic and somehow warn the approaching drivers of the obstacle.

"Thunderbird 1 from Thunderbird 5. What the hell happened, Dad?" John asked quickly.

Nothing.

John frowned in concern. "Dad? Scott? Thunderbird 1 come in?" He flicked up the flight data and his frown grew as he saw how far off the planned course Scott was flying. "Is everything alright?"

"Thunderbird 5 from FAB 1." Came Parker's oddly professional Cockney drawl. "Approaching the scene now. We've lost contact with Thunderbird 1. What do you suggest?"

"Hang back, Parker." John replied calmly, "The prison truck has come to a halt and is under guard. I'm trying to get through to Dad."

" – ird 1. John, we have a serious situation here."

"Dad!" John sighed in relief. "I know – I saw. What happened?"

"Scott shot them down."

"What?" John gasped.

"I couldn't stop him, John!" Scott suddenly sobbed a reply, his tight voice somehow not quite his own.

"What d'you mean?" John asked quietly.

"It was the Hood." Jeff replied quickly, "He must have had time to recover."

"But Thunderbird 1 isn't armed with - " John closed his eyes and groaned in dismay. "The fire suppression rockets."

"Affirmative." Jeff answered hurriedly, "We made quite a low pass, John. Did anyone see us?"

John shook his head in reply, "No. At least, no one is talking about it."

"I think maybe we ought to hang back." Jeff sighed in sorrow, "If he has recharged long enough to generate all that power, there's no telling what he'll do with us."

John nodded slowly and glanced back at the scene that unfolded on the motorway; traffic was beginning to gather at the roadblock one of the patrol cars had hastily created and one of the officers from the other car had climbed out to hurry over to the helicopter.

"Is everyone okay?" Scott's trembling voice asked quietly.

"Yeah." John replied and heard his brother's slight whimper of a sob. "It's not your fault." He offered carefully.

"I guess." Scott husked.

"It's not." John urged, "If the Hood - " He stopped suddenly as a loud hiss screamed across the comm. and he turned back to watch the satellite feed. John stared in horror at the slightly blurred image and his heart slammed against his chest.

The helicopter had exploded.

"Oh god. Oh god. Oh god." Scott stammered in disbelief.

"What the - " Jeff gasped.

"Dad, you've got to get down there." John urged hurriedly.

"I don't think that's a good idea; we've done enough damage."

"No! You have to help her, Dad! Alex is down there!" John argued in a panic.

"Who's Alex?" Jeff demanded.

"Alex?" Scott gasped suddenly.

"You have to help her!" John repeated, dragging his hands through his hair and groaning in dismay as he saw the flames leaping up from the carcass of the helicopter.

"Who's Alex?" Jeff asked again.

"Someone John met." Scott replied quickly. "Oh shit, John, was she in the convoy?"

"Yeah." John managed huskily, tears blurring his vision.

"Dad!" Scott urged in agreement, "We have to go see if she's okay."

"I don't know," Jeff began, "It could be - "

"Please, Dad!" John sobbed suddenly, "Tell him, mom!" He turned and looked up into the face of the woman that stood beside him. It took a second for the fact that he saw her there to register and he stared at her helplessly, a strange mixture of comfort and fear washing over him.

"John?" Jeff asked quietly. "What did you say …?"

"I … erm … nothing …" John faltered.

"Thunderbird 5 from FAB 1." Penelope interrupted briskly, "We're at the scene and there's no sign of the prison van."

John frowned as this new information slowly sank in and then suddenly he reacted, realigning the satellite feed to move along the road, away from the thick plume of smoke rising from the wreckage. His heart sank as he confirmed that the van and the motorbike escort had indeed left the scene.

"Perhaps they thought they'd better continue on to the hospital." Penelope offered.

"Maybe." John sighed and quickly sought the van. "I have them!"

"Received," Penelope confirmed, "We will attempt to intercept. Or should we offer assistance at the scene?"

"Negative." Jeff instructed firmly, "Stay on the van. Scott and I will head down to help the police here."

* * *

Jeff climbed down onto the empty road ahead of the accident and shuddered slightly. It was eerily quiet. Like the sudden nothing after the ear shattering loudness of a bomb blast. The air was still and it seemed that even the steady flow of traffic on the opposite side of the wide highway was silent in its passage beside him.

It must be shock. He still could not quite believe what had happened.

"John. Any word?"

"Nothing, Dad." Came the quiet reply, "Nothing since the explosion. They radioed for an ambulance but I can't see past the smoke to tell what's going on."

Movement behind him caught his attention and, turning back, Jeff watched Scott clamber from the rocket. He saw the fear and dismay on his son's pale face and watched in concern as Scott continued his unsteady descent. Scott's feet soon found the ground but his knees were weak beneath him and Jeff hurried forward to grab his son's arm.

"I'm fine!" Scott shrugged away from his father's touch and hung his head with a sigh. "Go help them."

"But - "

"Go!" Scott husked, pinching the bridge of his nose with the thumb and forefinger of a gloved hand and leaning against the ladder for support. "Go. I'll be fine!"

Jeff nodded and broke into a jog towards the scene. Not wanting to fan the flames of the still burning helicopter he had landed Thunderbird 1 safely away from the accident and now hurried across the distance, soon able to feel the intense heat from the fire.

A few metres beyond the remains of the helicopter was one of the police cars, its windows blown out from the force of the explosion and it'sboot open, various contents scattered over the ground. Further beyond that, amid the thick black smoke that trailed across the road, the other police car and the front of the traffic jam building up behind it. As he neared the scene he could now begin to hear the noise of the flames and sparking equipment panels, the impatient rumble of the halted traffic a short distance away and the worried shouts from the officers urging onlookers to stay in their cars.

"Dad?!"

John's worried shout in his earpiece startled Jeff and he groaned in dismay. Touching the earpiece to open the channel, he shrugged his shoulders slightly. "I don't know. Stand by."

Jeff continued past the helicopter and allowed himself a glimpse inside to see if the pilots had escaped. He frowned as he gazed into the flame filled cockpit and could feel his stomach churning. It was impossible to see a clear answer amid the bright heat of the fire but the doors were hanging open and he hoped not simply because of the explosion. Voices from somewhere amid the smoke then caught his attention and he ran round to the other side of the wrecked police car.

In an instant he knew what had happened. He paused for only the briefest of moments to quickly assess the situation; two men were slumped awkwardly against the side of the car, yellow reflective jackets gathered around their shaking shoulders. The two pilots mumbled together in shock, trying to fathom what had just happened to them; they were talking, they were okay.

Jeff's gaze then moved to the other two and his heart thudded against his chest.

"Are you okay?"

The police officer looked up slowly, a frown of confusion settling amid the blood-soaked skin of a glass cut face. "It … it exploded …"

"I know," Jeff nodded slowly.

Weary eyes, red from the acrid smoke and from crying then moved down to the insignia on Jeff's uniform.

"We were in the area. We heard the distress call." Jeff offered softly and knelt down on the grey tarmac. The officer laying awkwardly on the ground and gathered in the other's arms was worryingly still.

"I got out to help the pilots … " The officer continued quietly, "The car caught fire … and the windows …"

Jeff nodded in understanding and glanced up at the car, seeing the splatters of white foam where the fire that had caught the upholstery had been extinguished. He shuddered as he imagined for a moment what it must have been like to be inside the car as the heat and force of the explosion blasted through it.

"It took so long to put it out … I think I was too late …"

Jeff turned back and nodded in reassurance. He looked down at the tattered, burned face of the all too quiet other officer and a frown settled over his gentle eyes. "Can I take a look? I know life support."

The request took a moment to register and the officer then nodded slowly. Jeff edged a little closer, peeling a glove from one of his hands to reach out and nestle his fingers under the blood-wet collar. He paused for a moment, holding his breath as he waited. There. A pulse. Fast but strong. "Have you called for an ambulance?"

A nod of confirmation and then a fast return to reality from the shock that had been taking hold. "Charlie Oscar from Two Five Niner. Where the _hell_ is that ambulance?" She shouted into her radio suddenly.

"Two Five Niner." John sighed over the comm. "Alex. Oh thank god."

Jeff allowed a brief smile to cross his lips and then carefully peeled back the blanket that had been thrown over the unconscious officer. Amid the blood from glass injuries and angry red scalds from where the fire had flashed past exposed skin, the man's body seemed relatively undamaged and Jeff then noticed him beginning to stir.

"Tom?" Alex gasped in delight.

Jeff's smile grew as he watched the man's eyes flicker open and Alex leaned down to rest her face against her partner's. She began to gently weep in relief and Jeff stood slowly to wander a short way from them. Once out of hearing range, he took a deep breath and touched his earpiece. "They're okay, Scott."

"Yeah?" Came the quiet reply.

"A little shaken and minor injuries but they'll be fine." Jeff confirmed, "John? What's Penny's status?"

"In pursuit of the prison truck. She's closing in now."

Jeff nodded in thought. "Scott. Get airborne. Penny might need back-up."

"F.A.B."

"More police are en route, Dad." John offered, "Fire fighters and paramedics reporting an ETA of five minutes at your position."

"Good. Keep me posted."

"F.A.B."

Jeff peered beyond the smoke and saw Thunderbird 1 explode into life. He watched as the retros kicked in and gently lifted the craft from the ground.

"Wow …"

Jeff spun round and saw Alex wandering towards him, her eyes fixed in wonder on the departing rocket. He watched as she tracked the path of the craft as it lifted above the road and made a smooth turn before effortlessly shooting away from them.

"Wait …" Alex lowered her eyes and turned to stare at Jeff, sudden horror crossing her bloodied face. "I've seen … oh shit! I remember now …" She glanced back briefly at the rapidly disappearing Thunderbird 1 and shook her head in disbelief. "It was you ..."

Jeff's heart slammed against his chest and he watched the fear in her eyes slowly turn into fury.

"It was you! You shot them down!" Alex declared in anger, backing away from Jeff cautiously.

"Now, hold on - " Jeff raised his hands in a gesture of calm and forced a smile to his lips. "We were in the area but - " He gasped as a sudden thud rang through the air. He glanced across to the other side of the central reservation and watched the cars that had collided now slowly grinding to a halt at the side of the road. Intrigued by the scene beside them, the drivers must have been distracted for a moment and Jeff was surprised that such an accident had not happened sooner. He noticed one of the officers from the undamaged car that was holding back the traffic on this side was now cautiously edging across the road to check on the occupants of the two crumpled cars.

Alex seemed oblivious to all that had happened. Jeff turned back and saw the hatred in her eyes as she glared at him.

"_Why_?" Alex hissed under her breath.

Jeff shook his head urgently, "Now, listen - "

"No!" Alex shouted angrily, "I _saw_ you!" She gripped the radio at her shoulder and kept her eyes fixed on Jeff as she pressed the transmit button. "Charlie Oscar from Two Five Niner, requesting urgent assistance."

"Go ahead, Two Five Niner." Came the quick reply.

Jeff stepped closer to Alex, again raising his arms pleadingly. "Don't do this. I can explain."

"It wasn't an accident, Charlie Oscar." Alex continued, backing off from Jeff and renewed hatred sparking in her eyes as she quickly glanced at her injured colleagues. "The Thunderbirds shot India Zero Three down."

"_What_?!" John gasped over the comm.

"Erm … Two Five Niner from Charlie Oscar, please repeat last."

"Please!" Jeff urged in sudden panic, "It's not what you think."

"Charlie Oscar from Two Five Niner, confirm that the Thunderbirds have fired on us."


	12. Chapter 12

It was frustrating to travel so relatively slowly when the powerful car was capable of so much more but they just could not risk it. At this close range, they would already be visible in the rear view mirrors of the vehicles they pursued and the cameras that lined the road would flash into action. Of course, at any other time, they could simply speed past the sensors so fast that by the time any image was captured they would be long gone but then they would overshoot their target.

Penelope leaned forward slightly and a frown settledabove her eyes as she peered over Parker's shoulder towards the prison van on the road before them.

"He hasn't altered course." Parker observed in interest.

"Hmm." Penelope agreed thoughtfully.

"Perhaps they are simply just heading for the hospital."

"Maybe." Penelope replied and relaxed back against the plush leather seat with a sigh. "But then they would surely have told someone and John reports no transmissions coming from them at all. I don't like it."

"Hold that thought!" Parker gasped, turning the car sharply and pursuing the van which had suddenly veered off up the exit ramp to leave the motorway.

"Where is he going?" Penelope thought aloud.

"I don't know." Parker shrugged, "But I feel that, wherever it is, we shouldn't let him get there."

"I agree." Penelope nodded slowly, "Stop him, Parker."

"Yes, m'lady." Parker acknowledged and urged the car forwards, closing the gap between them and the van as they crossed a roundabout junction and sped out onto the beginning of a dual carriageway. "This road leads to a large town, m'lady."

Penelope glanced around them at the empty road and her frown returned. "Hurry, Parker. Before we get close tocivilians."

Parker nodded and the slightest shudder pulsed through the car as the small gun hidden beside the front grill fired.

The tail end of the prison van sunk suddenly as thenearside rear tyre blew and the van swerved wildly in an attempt to compensate. For a moment it seemed that it would regain control but then the van broke into a spin and toppled over, skidding along the road on its side.

Penelope watched the police escort brake hard and the motorbikes teetered unsteadily as they turned and rushed back towards the overturned van. "Well done, Parker."

"Thank you, m'lady." Parker smiled, "Let's hope the tumble has subdued him somewhat."

"Indeed." Penelope peered out of the car and watched the police officers dismounting. She had hardly waited for her car to pause behind the van when she scrambled forward and opened the door.

"M'lady!" Parker warned in fright and safely brought the car to a halt as he watched her leap out onto the road.

"My goodness!" Penelope declared loudly, feigning terror in a most convincing manner she thought. She hurried over to the two officers that had dismounted and watched as one of them clambered up onto the cab of the overturned prison van to assist his colleagues.

"Stay back, miss!" The other officer warned loudly, his voice slightly muffled through his helmet.

"What happened?" Penelope urged worriedly. "We saw the van just topple!" She glanced behind her and nodded towards her approaching chauffeur. "Can we help? Can we call an ambulance or something?"

The officer paused for the briefest moment and then the helmet shook slowly in a reply. "That won't be necessary."

"But what about the people inside?" Penelope countered.

"Get back in your vehicle, please. We'll take care of this."

Penelope frowned in concern, her heart racing. The man seemed to be coherent and answering her quickly, there was no way to tell if he was being controlled somehow.

"Davies! Get over here and help me, will you?!" Came a sudden shout from the other officer.

Penelope folded her arms and shuddered slightly.

"Well?" Parker asked quietly beside her.

"I don't know." Penelope replied softly, "If he was here, surely we would know it by now."

Parker nodded and a shiver ran through him as he recalled all too clearly the pain that the Hood's presence in his mind had caused. "Maybe he's in there unconscious?"

Penelope smiled suddenly, "Now, there's a nice thought!"

Parker nodded in agreement and then wandered back towards their car. He climbed back inside and opened the comm. link. "Thunderbird 5 from FAB 1. What's happening?"

"Dad's at the scene and Thunderbird 1 is en route to assist you. What's going on with you guys?"

"We've disabled the prison van."

"Excellent! Be careful, Parker – I'm guessing he's even more dangerous when he's trapped, let alone howangry he must be right now."

"F.A.B." Parker closed the transmission and headed back out towards Penelope. The two prison guards were being assisted to clamber from the cab and seemed fairly unharmed, if a little stunned. Parker relayed the update he had been given and watched Penelope nod thoughtfully. They both then looked up as they heard a familiar rumble in the thin cloud cover above them.

"Oh no …" Penelope groaned as she saw not the shiny silver hull they had both expected to emerge from the cloudsbut instead watched a dark grey-green craft make a low pass over them. The jet then altered course and headed in the direction of the motorway.

Parker turned and hurried back to the car. "Thunderbird 5 - "

"I know, I know!" John shouted in a panic. "I told Scott to get the hell out of there. Parker, you and Pen need to get back and help Dad!"

Penelope watched with baited breath as the shaken prison guards hurried round to the rear of the van and unlocked one of the heavy doors. The door fell open with a thud against the tarmac and the guards and police offices peered inside. Penelope somehow already knew what they would find. She frowned as she stayed back a safe distance and tried to look past the guards to see inside the van. It was no surprise as she watched the guards climb inside to check on their colleague and the one prisoner that hung awkwardly from his restraints.

"M'lady!" Parker called out worriedly. "M'lady, we have to go!"

Penelope sighed in dismay and turned towards Parker. She saw him waving frantically and broke into a run back towards the car.

"They've arrested Mr. Tracey!" Parker informed her hurriedly and helped her clamber back into the car.

"He's not in there, Parker," Penelope sighed as she slumped down into her seat and gazed out at the prison van as FAB 1 roared into life and began to move away from the scene. "He's not in the van."

* * *

It was chaos. Parker had sped through the town and headed back for the motorway to join the opposite side somewhere ahead of the accident and now cruised along the hard shoulder to overtake the traffic. Both sides of the busy motorway were now at standstill; one traffic jam building up behind the police road block and the other trailing back in the opposite direction, the road obstructed from various small accidents caused by drivers trying to peer at the accident.

Rain clouds were beginning to gather above the scene and the suddenly subdued mid-morning light flashed with the blue warning strobes of the emergency services. Parker halted FAB 1 on the grass verge across from the accident and he and Penelope took a deep breath before then climbing out of the car and making their careful way through the stationary cars.

Penelope climbed over the central barrier of the motorway and swallowed hard as she took in the scene. Fire and paramedic personnel were dealing with the still smoking helicopter and the pilots that had been rescued from within. She then turned and saw the police officers gathered a short distance away at the open rear doors of another ambulance. One officer was lying on the stretcher inside and another sat on the back steps, the cuts on her face being treated by one of the paramedics. Alex. As the blood and grime was carefully wiped from the young officers skin, Penelope could just make out a familiar face and she frowned in concern.

Looking out past the many police vehicles and emergency personnel that milled about the scene, Penelope then saw him. Her heart sank as she watched him being led towards a police van, his wrists cuffed behind him. She hurried forward and gasped as suddenly her path was blocked by a police officer.

"Please return to your vehicle." The young woman ordered sternly.

Penelope shook her head and pushed forward against her. "I need to speak to someone."

"Stay back!" The police woman countered firmly.

"Please!" Penelope pleaded, quickly calculating in her mind what the consequences would be if she simply knocked the young woman out of her way. "You don't understand!"

"Go back to your car and wait for further instructions." The officer gently moved Penelope back towards the barrier, "We will shortly begin to move the traffic away from here."

"But - " Penelope began to again protest when she then saw a the unmistakable trio of bright red cars that had arrived at the scene and pulled to a halt at the far side of the road. "I'm with them!" Penelope declared suddenly and pointed towards the camera crew that climbed quickly out of the convoy. "I'm press!"

The police woman glanced back at the personnel that her colleagues were now also trying to keep back from the scene.

"Please, I only want to talk to my fellow reporters." Penelope urged.

The police woman seemed to hesitate for a moment and then sighed in annoyance. She nodded slowly and grabbed the radio at her shoulder to inform her colleagues that she wasallowing a reporter to cross the scene.

Penelope broke into a jog and ran across the road through the accident scene. She saw in the corner of her eye that Jeff was being loaded into the police van and her heart was racing as she neared the camera crew that were arguing theirneed to set up their equipment.

"We have a right to be here!" The female reporter was shouting in annoyance at the police officers that carefully guided them back away from the accident scene.

"Ms Lowe!" Penelope called out hurriedly as she neared them.

The woman ceased her argument with the police and turned to Penelope. "Lady Creighton-Ward?"

Penelope ignored the groans that came from the police officers as they heard her name; her public image was that of an air-headed socialite with more money than sense. She hated it. And the most recent article in _Hello! _had done nothing to help matters. Jeff and the boys thought it was highly amusing and, for the sake of keeping their vital secrets, she had little choice but to try and let it wash over her.

"I saw the whole thing!" Penelope exclaimed in a shrill, irritating voice that she thought best suited thepersona thatthe public saw her as. But as she neered the reporter, hersupercilious smile disappeared and she lowered her voice to an urgent whisper. "Lisa, I need a word."She took the woman's arm andguided her away from her camera crew.

"What the hell's happened, Penny?" Lisa asked in concern.

"It's a long story." Penelope replied.

"Even better!" Lisa smiled in delight.

"Lisa, you can't film what's happening here."

"What?!" Lisa gasped, "The police scanner is buzzing with talk of Thunderbirds declaring war on them! This is the story of the decade!"

"It's all got completely out of hand and no one really knows what happened - "

"Except you."

Penelope paused for a moment and tried to read the slight amusement in the reporter's eyes. "Lisa, please. This can't get out."

"Why not? It's prize-winning stuff! Thunderbird 1 shot down a police helicopter and now one of them has been arrested, right?"

Penelope sighed and her shoulders sank. "Lisa, please."

Lisa regarded Penelope's concerned face for a moment and then shook her head. "People will know soon anyhow." She nodded towards the traffic gathered on either side of the motorway. "You really think that none of these people will have called their friends? You think none of them saw what was happening here?"

"Which is why you need to put out a report that stops this from blowing out of proportion." Penelope urged carefully.

"You want me to lie?"

Penelope nodded slowly. "You owe him that."

"Now, wait just a goddam minute!" Lisa declared angrily.

"You owe him your life, Lisa." Penelope continued gently, "And your livelihood."

Lisa frowned in annoyance and sighed loudly. "Oh Penny, don't be so naïve. Of course I'm grateful for what he did for me but Jeff and I came to an agreement that was of mutual benefit. He needs me as well."

"I know." Penelope managed a thin smile, "And now more than ever."

Lisa sighed again and turned to look out at the ruins of the helicopter, the damaged police car and the Sunday morning traffic that had ground to a halt.

"Film whatever you like." Penelope began again, "Just, please, no mention of what the police _think_ happened here."

Lisa moved her gaze to the police van and the man that had been detained within. She turned back to Penelope and nodded slightly.

"I need time to sort out all this mess." Penelope added, "Then I promise I'll give you the whole story."

Lisa nodded again and stepped away from Penelope. She wandered back towards the crew that were still arguing with the police, trying to get access onto the scene. "It's okay, guys." Lisa raised her hands in a gesture of calm and hurried over to her crew. "We can film from the edge of the road here. It'll be fine."

* * *

Penelope followed the officer through the station and into the narrow corridor of cubicles at the back of the building. Her heart sank as she saw the plain-clothed not so subtle group of intelligence agency personnel that were gathered in one of the interview rooms and she swallowed hard.

He was no longer cuffed but locked behind a door that was far thicker than necessary and Penelope held her breath as it was pulled open and she stepped inside.

"Hello." Penelope offered softly and watched as he slowly looked up at her from where he sat on the plain metal bench on the far side of the cell. She looked back at the police officer and nodded her thanks, waiting as he backed out of the cell and closed the door.

"Pen?" Jeff mouthed and frowned in confusion, hardly able to take in the image of her in a smart charcoal grey trouser suit, neatly pulled back hair and thick-rimmed glasses.

"I'm your lawyer." Penelope offered with a shrug and stepped across the cell to sit beside him.

A smile pulled at Jeff's mouth and he nodded in gratitude.

"What have they said?" Penelope asked softly.

"Not much." Jeff sighed, "They asked my name, I wouldn't give it."

"It looks like they've called in MI5 or 6 or whoever they thought might know what the hell to do here."

Jeff closed his eyes and let his head fall into his hands. "I can't believe this is happening." He sighed heavily and then looked back up at her with a new frown. "How are the boys?"

Penelope glanced up at the ceiling worriedly, trying to spot any surveillance equipment that might be installed. She could see nothing but that did not necessarily mean that it was not there. Taking an ornate fountain pen from the inner pocket of her jacket, she turned the cap and waited for a moment. The small light that then flicked on at the end of the pen signalled that the scrambler was working and she nodded in reassurance.

"As soon as the RAF jets were scrambled, John ordered Scott to get out of the area. He's safe with Parker at my house." Penelope replied and then chuckled softly. "I suggested that he ought to go back to the island but he refused to leave while you're here."

Another smile pulled at Jeff's mouth and he nodded slowly.

Penelope took a deep breath and reached out to place her hand on Jeff's arm. "The Hood has vanished."

Jeff closed his eyes and groaned softly.

"CCTV at the hospital is grainy but it does appear that he was loaded into the prison van." Penelope continued quietly, "He must have escaped somewhere between the helicopter landing and Parker and I catching up with him. John didn't have a continual visual and the police escort cannot explain what happened. It's likely they were under his control the whole time."

Jeff nodded and stroked a hand through his close-clipped hair.

"I've spoken to my contact in the Metropolitan Police and our agent at MI5. They seem confident that they can clear this up pretty quickly."

"There was nothing I could do, Pen." Jeff opened his eyes and they were filled with the anguish of recalling what had happened. "It was all so fast. I couldn't stop him."

"I know." Penelope squeezed her fingers around his arm gently. "I know. Scott told me what happened."

"Maybe …" Jeff paused for a moment and cleared the lump from his throat. "He'll try again, Pen."

"You don't know that for sure."

"This is the second time he has attacked my family. He wants me destroyed." Jeff countered sadly, "He won't stop."

Penelope moved closer to Jeff and slipped her arm around his heavy shoulders.

"Maybe if we let him think that he won. If I face charges then - "

"No!" Penelope gasped suddenly, "Don't even consider it! We will sort out this mess and then we'll hunt him down. He's bound to make another mistake and we'll get him."

"And in the meantime, he could be anywhere. And my family is in danger."

Penelope shook her head determinedly, "You said yourself, it's _you_ he wants to hurt." She sighed and frowned in thought. "We just need to trap him somehow."

Jeff considered her words for a moment and then shook his head slowly. "Maybe Alan should have let him fall that day …" Jeff thought aloud and then suddenly gasped in horror. "Alan!"

Penelope smiled and gave his shoulders a gentle squeeze. "I already contacted Brains and they're all safely back at the island." She watched the fear that lingered in Jeff's gentle eyes andpulled him closer to her. "They're safe, Jeff. Nothing can get through the new defence network that Brains constructed. Hell, I don't even know if FAB 1 will be able to pass through unscathed!"

Jeff slowly relaxed as her words sank in and he sank back to lean against the wall of the cell.

"We'll sort this out." Penelope urged, concerned at the tired image of the man who was always so strong and confident. She had expected to arrive to find him pacing and angry, not quiet and defeated. "You just need to sit this out a little longer. Don't answer any of their questions. My contact in London will come and sort this out."

Jeff nodded in agreement and turned his head to smile thinly at her. "Thanks, Pen."

Penelope edged closer to him and leaned against him a little, placing a hand on his chest. "Don't mention it."

Jeff regarded her sincere face for a moment and took a deep breath. A wider smile then tugged at his lips and his eyes sparkled mischievously. "I mean that much to you, huh?"

Penelope frowned in confusion.

Jeff let his eyes wander over her outfit and he shrugged his shoulders. "No pink."

"Well, I am in disguise." Penelope replied and arched her neck to place a kiss on his cheek. She stood slowly and walked across to the door, knocking gently to signal to the officer outside. Turning back to Jeff, she shot him a reassuring smile and nodded slightly. "It will all be fine." She heard the key turning in the door and suddenly chuckled softly. "And, for the record, I am wearing pink. You just can't see them."

* * *

It was growing darker as evening drew in and the rain that had begun shortly after midday was now pummelling the streets relentlessly. Penelope hurried along the path that led up to a covered entrance and shook the water from her shoulders. She wandered inside the building and smoothed a few stray locks of fringe away from her face,glad thatthe tight bun was preventing her hair from goingall scraggly now that it was wet. With a sigh, Penelope headed across to the reception desk and decided that next time she would not chance it and would take up Parker's offer of an umbrella.

The ward was quiet as Penelope stepped inside and she peered along towards the central nurse station. One of the staff near the desk caught sight of her and Penelope smiled in greeting as she hurried over to her.

"Good evening. I spoke to the Sister a little while ago. My name is Mrs Parker." Penelope offered softly, trying hard not to giggle as she found amusement yet again in the alias that Alan had insisted she use at least once.

"Of course, you've come to speak to the police officers." The nurse nodded in understanding. "They're just through here." She turned and led Penelope along the ward towards the side rooms at the far end.

Penelope glanced inside through the open door and saw the two of them. Alex sat on the edge of the bed, chatting to the man that lay tucked under the covers. Penelope nodded her thanks to the nurse and knocked lightly on the door.

"Forgive me for interrupting." Penelope offered quickly as the two officers turned to her in interest. "My name is Jenny Parker. I'm with the Police Complaints Commission. I need to speak to everyone involved in the incident today."

"Why?" Alex asked sceptically.

"I'll explain it all to you." Penny nodded, "If it would be alright, I need to speak to you individually."

Alex glanced at her colleague and rolled her eyes in exasperation. "Great." She stood slowly and sighed as she walked around his bed. "That's all we need. Somebody whining about how we handled nearly getting killed today." She glared at Penelope in annoyance and walked up to her.

"Shall we go somewhere quiet?" Penelope smiled.

Alex nodded and frowned slightly as she edged past Penelope. "Sure. Step into my office."

Penelope followed her into the private room next door and closed the door behind her. She watched as Alex slumped onto the bed and crossed her legs beneath her. Sitting down in the chair beside the bed, Penelope took a small notepad and pen from the briefcase she carried and took a deep breath. "I'm glad to see you're alright."

Alex shrugged slightly, the hospital gown slipping off of her shoulder. She still had her uniform trousers on but had obviously needed to cover up after her charred shirt was removed.

"And your colleague? Will he be ok?"

Alex nodded. "Just minor cuts and bruises and slight concussion from the explosion. They're keeping him in for the night." She shrugged again, "They want to keep me in but I hate these places. I'm just waiting for a colleague to come and get me and take me back to London."

"Aren't your family close by?"

Alex recoiled slightly, regarding Penelope in suspicion. "They might be … what's it to you? Why d'you need to know that?" Her frown grew and she shook her head in confusion. "What's this all about?"

Penelope sighed and smiled thinly. "I'm sorry." She twisted the end of her pen, waited for the light and then looked back up at Alex. "My name isn't Jenny Parker and I'm not with the Police Complaints Commission."

Alex glanced at the door, apparently calculating her escape route if she should need one. She slowly slid her legs out from underneath her and placed one foot on the floor, ready to flee if she should need to.

"My name is Penelope and I work for the Thunderbirds."

Alex's frown grew and she edged closer to the side of the bed, watching Penelope uneasily as she tried to work out whether she was in any danger.

"Alex, I need to speak to you about what you saw today."

"It's all in my statement," Alex replied, "You can read that if you want."

"I did."

Alex's breathing was becoming fast, her eyes filled with confusion and a hint of fear. She glanced at the nurse call bell, evidently trying to decide what would be better; call for help or just make a run for it.

"Alex, I'm not here to hurt you." Penelope offered carefully. "I just need to know if you're sure you saw what you saw."

Alex relaxed slightly and turned her full attention back to Penelope. "Well, it all happened very fast but … yeah … I saw Thunderbird 1 make a low pass and it fired a missile at the helicopter."

"You looked up while you were driving?"

"I … yeah … I suppose."

Penelope nodded slowly. "You're the only one who did see it." She sat forward a little and smiled again. "I've spoken to everyone else at the scene and no one knew what had happened. No one saw the rocket."

"Meaning?"

"Alex," Penelope continued carefully, "The Thunderbirds did nothing wrong. They were there to help you. They did not attack the convoy."

"But I saw it happen!" Alex countered urgently.

Penelope nodded again, "I know." She took a deep breath and looked down at her hands for a moment. "Alex, do you know what happened in London last weekend?"

"What do you mean?"

"A dangerous criminal stole one of the Thunderbirds and tried to make it look like they had caused all the damage."

Alex shuffled backwards along the bed and rested against the pillows. "Yeah."

"That same man was in the prison van today."

Alex stared in horror at Penelope, her words not quite sinking in.

"He was in the same hospital as the man you were transporting and he was moved at the same time. Your superiors thought it best not to tell you and wanted to keep the move as low key as possible. They now know what a terrible decision that was. He is very powerful. He attacked the convoy."

Alex sat in stunned silence, listening as Penelope spoke of psychic powers and mind control. None of it made any sense at all and yet somehow it was easier to believe. She had been as devastated as everyone else at the thought of the Thunderbirds suddenly turning coat and attacking people. But it was also very hard to ignore what she had so clearly seen with her own eyes.

"I need you to change your statement." Penelope concluded cautiously.

"What?"

"You are the only witness. We can make all this right if you could simply say that you were mistaken." Penelope clutched her hands together as if to plead with Alex. "The Thunderbirds were there to provide protection. You could easily have thought that when they arrived they might have been involved in the crash. Anyone can make a mistake."

"But I didn't." Alex countered evenly, "And you know that. I understand the shit they're in and I appreciate the good that they do but I can't lie. Not for you. Not for anyone."

"Not for John?"

Alex jumped slightly, the colour draining from what could be seen of her scalded, glass cut cheeks.

Penelope stood slowly and perched on the side of the bed. "I won't pretend to understand what happened between you two but I know he told you about what he's been through." She reached out carefully and placed her hand on Alex's thigh. "It's his father that they arrested."

Alex covered her mouth with her hand and closed her eyes. As much as it seemed too unreal to be believed, it made perfect sense. The something that she knew he was keeping from her and the vague references to his job. It made sense.

"Regardless of how you feel about him," Penelope continued quietly, "He needs his dad right now."

Alex could not help the sob that came to her throat and squeezed her eyes tightly closed to try and contain the tears that were forming. It was all so confusing. Or was it? Was it not oh so simple?

"Please, Alex." Penelope repeated softly.


	13. Chapter 13

He had decided that it was a combination of exhaustion and lack of food that caused him to now be trembling unsteadily beside the airlock door. It wasn't fear because there was nothing to be afraid of. The figure that stood behind him was not there.

John closed his eyes and tried to rid the image from his mind. She is not here, he chided himself and took a deep breath before then opening his eyes again. He glanced behind him and sighed with relief. Gone. Not that she ever was there to begin with, of course.

A gentle tremor ran through the station and John's trembling faded a little, leaving only the butterflies that flitted wildly inside his stomach. He turned and watched the bright red craft gliding effortlessly beside one of the view ports and saw again the brief smoke-like pulse from the retros as they guided the approach to the station.

Perhaps he ought not to be waiting eagerly by the door, bag packed and ready. Maybe he should be finishing up a last few tasks, nonchalant of their arrival. They would worry if they thought he had been pacing near the door, watching the minutes of their ETA pass by tauntingly slowly. Which he had. But they didn't need to know that.

John moved his holdall away from the door. Ready to leave but not desperate to do so. That is what they would be expecting. He sat down at the central console and flicked up a world weather map, tapping his fingers impatiently on the workstation as he tried to force an image of calm.

"Thunderbird 3 to Captain Peroxide. Permission to come aboard?"

John smiled happily as he heard Gordon chuckling in delight at his own joke and then opened the channel. "Permission granted." He wanted to jump up from the console and run to greet them but that was not what he did. They would know if he wasn't just his usual self.

The airlock door swung open and after a moment Gordon appeared, still grinning at his own oh so hilariousness.

"Hey, Gord." John waved briefly, his attention then returning to the map above him. The map that he was not really reading.

Gordon wandered along the small corridor and frowned slightly. "What's that smell?" He sniffed the air in exaggeration, his grin lingering at the edges of his mouth still. "You turn off the recyclers again?"

"No." John defended in annoyance, smelling nothing unusual in the air around them.

"Or you trying an experiment in propulsion and forgot that you're supposed to aim it out the airlock?"

"Nice." John sighed. "You been thinking that one up for a while?

Gordon laughed loudly, "Only the whole trip!" He looked around them and groaned slightly, "Honestly, you could at least _do_ something with the place. Every time I come up here it's the same old grey and yellow. And to think you spend all this time up here doing sweet F A!"

John stood quickly from his chair and was about to begin in his defence when he then saw the fond warmth in Gordon's smile and suddenly he wanted to cry. He stepped forward and threw his arms around his brother's shoulders.

Gordon flinched, ready for the inevitable thump in return for his teasing. When John then gathered him up in a tight hug he was unsure what to do. Never the most affectionate of his brothers, the occasional nudge or smile was the most John ever gave. This was unusual. "What's wrong?" Gordon asked carefully, letting his arms slip round John's waist to return the hug.

"Nothing." John managed after a moment and stood back from him. "Just glad to see you." He stepped past him and headed towards the airlock.

"Ah, I get it!" Gordon declared merrily, "This is your new tactic, huh? If I take the piss, you're gonna be all nice and hope I'll feel guilty." He jogged after John and chuckled in amusement. "Well it won't work, bro'!"

John picked up his bag and shrugged a reply.

"It won't!" Gordon urged, suddenly wondering if the more he tried to convince John that it wouldn't work, then that meant he was worried and therefore it was working. "Dude!" He sighed in exasperation and shook his head. "You're too good at this."

"Good at what?" John frowned.

"You know." Gordon moaned and headed past him into the airlock. "Why can't you be like the rest of us? I _hate_ having a genius for an older brother, it's no fun."

John listened to Gordon continuing to complain as he disappeared from sight and he laughed softly, realising how much he really had missed him. He turned back to look at the station and made a quick mental list to ensure that he had done all he needed to do.

"Have you got everything?"

John spun back and gasped slightly.

"It's a long way to pop back if you've forgotten anything." Scott offered lightly and continued through the airlock corridor towards him.

John managed a smile in reply and nodded down at his bag.

"Okay." Scott rubbed his hands together eagerly, "Put that down for a second, though, you just need to run through a few systems to remind me what I need to do."

"Don't worry." Virgil piped up from behind Scott. "John always leaves a list of instructions a mile long." He edged past Scott and patted John's shoulder as he stepped out into the station. "Where's the puzzle, then?"

John frowned slightly and stepped back from the airlock, watching Virgil head straight for the bedroom.

"Come on, bro'!" Virgil urged merrily, "Show me the proof!"

"Well … I took it apart again." John shrugged.

"Ha!" Virgil declared in amusement, "A likely story!"

"I showed Alan that I finished it." John offered, "He saw it over the comm. link."

"Yeah, right!" Virgil scoffed. "He's bound to back you up, whatever you say!"

"It's a blond thing." Scott agreed.

"Hey?" John frowned, "But you guys are - "

"Mousy brown with natural sun-kissed highlights." Virgil stated matter-of-factly.

John couldn't help the laugh of disbelief that erupted from his mouth but it faded as he saw them both regarding him in absolute sincerity. He shook his head and followed Virgil towards the bedroom. "Well, if you want me to complete it again, I'm sure it won't take a second."

"Ooh, get you!" Virgil teased, "I'll just have to make sure it's _absolutely_ impossible next time, huh?"

John smiled cheekily, "That would be more of a challenge, yeah."

"You didn't get to number 5, then." Scott asked carefully.

John turned to him and could read in his concerned expression that Scott would actually know all too well if he _had_ opened his offering. "What the hell is it?" He frowned in intrigue, "Why are you so concerned?"

Scott shrugged slightly, "It was just a bit of fun but then I suddenly thought that you might not be amused."

John's frown deepened, "Oh now I _have_ to open it!"

"No!" Scott hurried forward and took John's arm. "No, don't." He smiled in reassurance and shrugged his shoulders. "Obviously, you didn't _need_ to open it and Alan's instructions were absolutely clear."

"Absolutely." Virgil agreed.

John looked from Scott to Virgil and his smile grew. "You know what it is?"

Virgil nodded.

"Would I like it?"

"Erm … in a word … no." Virgil grinned.

"Hello?" Gordon's voice rang through the station, "Are we leaving any time this century?"

John laughed and rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Little brothers, huh?"

"Hey!" Virgil defended.

"Come on. Run through the essentials." Scott urged merrily, "I can always call you if I get stuck."

"Yeah!" Virgil laughed, "Don't expect to get any sleep!" He dodged the punch Scott threw at him and jogged back towards the airlock. "I'll go keep Gordon quiet."

John watched Virgil's disappearing form and then slowly turned to Scott. "You sure about this?"

Scott nodded, "I said I would."

John watched the sincere affection in his brother's eyes and wanted to say so much more. "Thanks." It was all he could manage without bursting into blubbering platitudes.

Scott shrugged slightly.

"But …" John paused for a moment. "Will you be okay … I mean, on your own, after all that happened …?"

Scott laughed softly, "Dude, it'll be a relief!" He shook his head and began towards the central console. "What with everyone asking for the gory details, Brains wanting to study my wave-patterns and Alan asking if I'm really me all the time …" He stopped and turned back to John. "I know they're just concerned but it's driving me crazy!"

John flinched slightly at his brother's choice of phrase.

Scott seemed to notice John's reaction but made no comment. "I'll be fine." He said after a moment. "I could do with some time alone."

"Only if you're sure." John urged gently.

"Yeah. I need some space." Scott laughed and pointed out beyond the view port. "Which I appear to have plenty of! And besides," He added, "I know what's in present 5."

"Hmm." John smiled sceptically, "Okay. Later, then." He turned and began towards the airlock.

John stopped before stepping up through the open door and looked back at his brother. "Scott … if you should notice anything weird, it's only - " John stopped himself and shook his head slowly. He wanted to tell him that she might be up here. He wanted to warn him. But he did not sense that whatever it was that he had seen was in any way hostile and it might even look after Scott. Then he remembered that he was not supposed to have believed that he had seen it at all.

"What?" Scott asked cautiously, watching the concern growing on his brother's face.

"Hmm?" John was torn from his thoughts and shrugged his shoulders slightly. "Oh, nothing. It's nothing."

Scott nodded slightly and sat down at the central console to familiarise himself with the controls. "Have a safe flight."

* * *

He was avoiding him. It was the only explanation.

Gordon and Virgil had chatted animatedly throughout the entire flight home. It was their way of coping, he knew that. Alan was off exploring the island with TinTin, probably getting up to all sorts of things that a fourteen year old should not be doing and that John did not want to contemplate. Brains had wandered upstairs from the lab to ask John about the newly refitted Thunderbird 5, which John knew was scientist speak for 'glad you're home'.

His father was in his office. And as much as John wanted to go up to him, he thought perhaps he ought to wait for him to approach first.

No one had spoken of father and John had guessed that this meant he was not doing so well. The Thunderbirds were grounded for the foreseeable future, the risk of a repeat of yesterday's incident too great to take whilst the Hood was out there somewhere. John knew how much the decision to suspend all planet side operations must have hurt his father and could well imagine the mood he must be in.

John sat on the side of the pool and dangled his bare feet into the cool water. He leaned back on his arms and turned his face skyward, the warm morning sunshine tingling on his skin. This was bliss. Compared to the cool monotony of the station, to be exposed to such colour, warmth and light was amazing. A gentle breeze picked up and ruffled the edges of his thin cotton shirt and he sighed contentedly.

Footsteps gently tapping through the lounge and out onto the patio brought John out of the peaceful meditation he had been savouring and he opened his eyes, trying to identify the footfalls on the stairs.

"How are you?"

John lowered his head and turned to look behind him. "Fine, Dad. You?"

Jeff nodded a reply and reached the bottom of the steps, slowing his pace a little as he neared John. He shrugged his shoulders and perched on the edge of the sun lounger beside John. "Well … truth is I'm still a little shaken."

John watched the gentle frown that settled over his father's tired eyes and he felt his heart sink.

"I really wasn't prepared for any of that yesterday."

"How could you have been?" John urged gently.

Jeff shrugged again, "I guess."

"You couldn't have known, Dad."

Jeff smiled thinly and looked down at his hands. "Anyway … I'm more worried about you."

"I'll be fine." John countered lightly, "I just needed some air."

"It didn't seem that way the other day."

John turned away and closed his eyes, remembering his breakdown and how he had shouted at his father over the comm. "I'm sorry. That was just a bad day."

"Don't lie to me, John." Jeff argued gently. "How can I help you if you won't let me in?"

John held his breath and could feel sudden tears building behind his still closed eyes. He shook his head slowly, hoping that his father would get the hint and leave him alone. He wasn't ready for this conversation yet; he couldn't explain any of it to himself, let alone anyone else.

Jeff slid down onto the patio and edged closer to John. He crossed his legs beneath him and rested his arms in his lap. Gazing out at the view beyond the pool, he took a deep breath and hoped that John would sense that he could – and would – wait all day for him to talk to him.

It was a stalemate. John let his breath out in a steady sigh and wondered which of them would eventually make a move. He then felt the gentle warmth of a hand on his shoulder and he had his answer. With a slight sob, he shrugged off his father's affection and stood quickly to walk away.

"Oh, John …" Jeff groaned softly, "You need to talk to someone about all this."

John spun back and watched his father getting to his feet. "Why?" He asked quietly, "What good will it do? It won't change anything. Everything that has happened will still be there."

Jeff nodded and shoved his hands into the pockets of his light cotton trousers. "But you might be able to deal with things a little better."

John frowned in thought and considered this for a moment. He then shook his head and turned back towards the house.

"Please, John. You need help." It wasn't what he had meant to say and Jeff regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth but it was too late. He saw the anger in John's eyes as he glared at him and Jeff sighed in dismay. "God, I'm sorry."

"You think I'm losing it, don't you?"

"No … well … oh, I don't know what to think." Jeff shrugged, "But it's not just me, son. Everyone has noticed that you're not yourself of late."

John nodded thoughtfully.

"We're worried about you." Jeff concluded softly.

"So am I." John agreed quietly, seeing the concern grow on his father's face. "I'm scared, Dad." There. He had done it. There was no going back now.

Jeff stepped closer to John and decided to make the most of this moment, despite the warning at the back of his mind that he may not like what John might say. "Of what?" It was a stupid question after all that had happened but he didn't know what else to say.

"Of me." John husked and folded his arms across his chest, suddenly cold despite the warmth of the pleasant spring morning. "Of how I've not been coping." He looked down at his arms and shrugged his shoulders. "Of what people will say if I tell them what has been going on in my mind."

"Oh, John … we'd understand – anyone would. After what you've been through lately … no one would judge you. It's just better to get it out there." Jeff moved even closer and took a deep breath. "You've always been more quiet, more private … which is fine but … but perhaps, in times like these, that's not a good thing." He sighed and glanced back towards the house. "Listen, Penny's calling me soon to give me another update on the repercussions from yesterday. Why don't I ask her to contact her friend in London? He comes highly recommended."

John turned back to his father and could feel panic rising within him. "But what if it's more, Dad … what if he says I really am crazy?"

"Then we'll deal with it." Jeff replied sincerely, "John, there was a time when I felt just the same about seeing a shrink but it really helped me and - "

"I saw Mom."

John may as well have punched his father; his words hit him hard and Jeff took a step backwards, one hand moving up to his stomach.

"She was there on the station. I talked to her." John continued, looking away from the pain that crossed his father's face.

Jeff had lost all words. He stared at John in stunned silence. Suddenly very worried for his son and also strangely jealous that he had not felt her presence. Not for a long while. Not since he had finally found the courage to say goodbye.

"Hallucinations can't be a good thing." John offered quietly.

Jeff covered his mouth with his hand and fought against the tears that began to gather. Penny and Scott were right; there was so much more underneath John's calm exterior, so much more that he had never before been able to see.

"But … even though I was scared," John slowly looked back at his father and managed a thin smile. "It felt good to have her near. She was there because I needed her to be." His smile faded and he frowned in concern. "What if they give me medication? What if they take her away from me again?"

"Oh, son!" Jeff sobbed suddenly and hurried forward, gathering John in his arms to hug him against him tightly.

John resisted the embrace for a moment and began to gently push his father away but then suddenly he recalled wanting this so badly and he slipped his arms around his father to pull him closer.

* * *

It was late morning in London. John still found it strange that they had left the island at 3am and now arrived eight hours later after a 90-minute journey. He knew very well all the science behind it but it was still odd and he was deep in thought about the weirdness of crossing time zones when they finally arrived in the city.

"How are you feeling?"

John was pulled from his musing and turned from the window to see Penelope watching him in concern.

"You've got time to have a little rest first, if you like?"

John shook his head in reply and offered her a thin smile. When his father had talked to Penelope yesterday, she had contacted her friend immediately and arranged today's appointment. She had apparently already spoken to the doctor about John and ensured that he could be seen at short notice. John was flattered by everyone's concern but wondered if it was actually more for their benefit that he had agreed to come along today.

"When did you last get any sleep?" Penelope asked in concern.

John shrugged his shoulders slightly, "I don't remember." Not that sleep was the answer anyhow; sleep brought nightmares and didn't solve anything as his worries were still there when he woke up. He turned to look out of the car window and frowned as he saw that they had turned into a residential area, not the city offices he had been expecting. Perhaps they were going to this guy's home and not the clinic in Harley Street that Penelope had mentioned.

The car pulled to a halt and John peered out at the row of three-story terraced houses. He waited patiently for Parker to climb out and open the door for him and then frowned as the chauffeur remained seated in front of him.

"This was Scott's idea." Penelope began carefully.

John turned to her, his frown deepening. "What was?"

"He called me just after your father did. He thought this might help."

"What?" John urged cautiously.

Penelope nodded towards the houses beside him and smiled thinly. "This is where Alex lives."

John froze. He stared at Penelope in horror, his head spinning. This was unbelievably cruel. She didn't want him. She had told him to stay away.

"I talked to her on Sunday." Penelope continued softly, "It was I who convinced her to change her statement."

John finally took a breath and suddenly understood. He knew now why Scott had been so eager to relieve him and why being a few thousand miles away, safe from John's wrath, must have seemed a good idea.

"I'm sure she didn't mean those things she said." Penelope offered, "I think she was just scared."

John nodded slowly and swallowed hard, his dry tongue catching against the roof of his mouth. "But you don't know that for sure."

Penelope shook her head. "Neither will you unless you go up there."

She had a point. John turned and looked out at the houses. Perhaps it would be better to go and see her now. One last time before he was committed and all crazy thought electrocuted from his brain.

"She's home. I checked."

"Couldn't you have also found out what sort of reception I will get?" John smiled suddenly.

"A good one." Penelope returned his smile. "Trust me."

John sighed and shrugged his shoulders slightly, "If you say so." He watched Parker assume that this was an affirmative and climbed from the car to open the door for John.

"Here." Parker gave John his mobile phone and smiled thinly. "Call when you need picking up."

John frowned and leaned down to peer into the car. "What about my appointment?"

"I haven't made a definite time. Stephen can fit you in whenever."

"Does Dad know about this?"

"I didn't think he needed to, no." Penelope smiled warmly, "He thinks I'm taking you to someone that can help you. And I have."

"Hmm." John sighed and turned back towards the houses.

"Number 16." Parker offered helpfully and pointed towards the top storey of the house in front of them. "With the blue door."

John frowned in intrigue.

"We brought her home from the hospital the other night." Parker explained and tried to hide his smile as he climbed back into the car. "See you later."

"Or in a few minutes." John laughed.

"Oh, I doubt that sir." Parker grinned.

John peered inside the car and watched Penelope nodding in encouragement and reassurance. He shrugged his shoulders and turned to head up the narrow concrete staircase towards the blue front door.

He heard FAB 1 pull away and his heart sank. Suddenly he was terrified. He tried not to look behind him, somehow thinking that if he didn't actually watch the pink limousine leave then he could contain the panic that threatened to bubble over.

There was no choice now. His hand was trembling as he reached up and rang the doorbell.

The few moments before the sound of footsteps heralded a reply seemed like an age. John took a deep breath and tried to force his racing heart to calm.

"Hello?"

It wasn't Alex. Oh god, he had the wrong house! He would have to call Parker back. This was a bad idea anyway. John could feel bile building in his throat. He forced a smile to his face and was about to apologise to the middle-aged woman that was regarding him in slight concern. It was then that he noticed something familiar about her face and he suddenly knew who she was.

"Is Alex home?" His voice was dry and not his own somehow but at least he had been able to speak.

The woman frowned ever so slightly and seemed unsure how to respond.

"My name is John. I'm a friend." John explained, "From work." He added quickly.

"Oh. Okay." The woman smiled slightly, "Wait here just one moment."

John watched her retreat back along the narrow hallway and she disappeared through a door at the far end. He waited politely on the doorstep and tried to make out the hushed voices from somewhere within the house.

What was she going to say? John sighed and gripped the phone in his hand, knowing he could just turn and run. Parker was probably waiting just around the corner. He hoped.

"Okay." The woman wandered back into the hallway and smiled in greeting. "Come on in."

John stepped into the warm house and moved aside so the woman could ease past him and close the front door. He looked down and saw the shoes neatly lined up beside him. Should he be polite and take his off? Was that presuming that he was staying long?

"Alex isn't feeling very well."

John turned to look down at the small woman's kind face and nodded in understanding.

"I suppose you must know what happened the other day?"

"Yeah." He had watched it all happen and could not rid it from his mind.

The woman nodded and sighed in dismay. "I was so very worried." She was lost in thought for a moment and then smiled up at John. "I'm Jacqueline, by the way. Alex's mother."

John smiled warmly and shook the hand she offered him. "I thought so. You are very similar."

"In appearance, perhaps." Jacqueline agreed with a chuckle and then seemed to decide that they had lingered in the corridor for long enough. She shrugged and led John along the hallway.

The lounge was somewhat sparse and John approved of the simplicity at first but then felt suddenly sad that Alex had apparently not made this place homely. He then remembered that Alex had not been in the city for long and began to wonder what her plans for settling might be.

"I'm sure she won't be long." Jacqueline shrugged slightly, "Can I get you a drink?"

"No. But thank you." John replied. His mouth was dry but he really wasn't sure if he was welcome yet and didn't want to get too comfortable.

Jacqueline nodded and gave another smile of greeting before then wandering back out of the lounge.

He stood in the centre of the lounge and waited. After a moment he then suddenly knew that she was there. His heart began to pound in his ears and he turned slowly.

She was looking down, still pulling on the jumper she had evidently grabbed in order to make herself a little more presentable and she looked up as she slowly neared the lounge door.

Her mother had not told her it was him. John watched the shock flash across her face as she looked up at him. Amid the pattern of small cuts on her face that made his heart sink he could then see the hurt that settled there.

This was a mistake. John clenched his teeth and waited for her inevitable request for him to leave.

"Hello." Alex offered quietly, politely.

John managed a smile and took a deep breath. "I was in the area." He began carefully, for want of something more original. It had, after all, taken him a rocket flight and then a journey across the ocean in a secret flying car to get into the area. "I wanted to make sure you were all right."

Alex folded her arms and leaned against the lounge doorframe. "I'm fine."

John nodded slowly. "Good." He watched her regarding him in uncertainty and he frowned as he took in the extent of the damage to her gentle face. He should have warned her. He should have called her and told her not to join the convoy.

"Why have you come here?"

Her voice was even, her expression now suddenly unreadable. John sighed and shook his head. "I don't know."

"Did you think that I might change my mind?"

John shook his head and groaned slightly, remembering all too clearly how she had told him to leave her alone. It might not have been her exact words but the message had been clear. Why had he let Penny persuade him otherwise?

"Thank you for your concern." Alex stood up straight and shrugged her shoulders. "But I'm fine."

John could suddenly feel tears building. He was tired and confused. There was no way he could cope with any of this right now. He should go. It was what she wanted. It didn't matter what he wanted. She didn't care.

"I'm sorry." John offered quietly, "I don't know what I was thinking." He stepped forward and eased past her, heading back along the hallway.

Call me back. Please, Alex, don't let me walk away. John grasped the handle of the front door and his heart was racing. Was she seriously going to let him leave? Did she really feel nothing of the need that was tearing through him right now?

John paused for a moment, his fingers lingering on the handle. He paused long enough for it to be suddenly too late. Before he knew what he was doing, he took a deep breath and felt adrenaline surge through him.

"I don't know what you think it is that I want from you." John turned and watched her regarding him in uncertainty. "But it was never anything more sinister than friendship." Tears stung in his eyes but somehow his voice was remaining even and calm. "I thought that we had something … a connection. I really felt that you understood me."

Alex made no reply. She watched him in emotionless interest.

John sighed and shook his head in dismay. Turning back towards the door, he opened it and swallowed back the lump in his throat.

"Oh god, I can't do this!" Alex suddenly exclaimed.

John spun back and watched in concern as her legs gave out from underneath her and she sank down the doorframe to the floor. He closed the front door and hurried back along the hallway, frowning worriedly as he knelt down beside her.

"I can't deal with it all!" Alex continued pitifully, sobs making her weary body shudder violently. "I just can't!"

John reached out cautiously, placing his hand on her shoulder. He felt her lean into his touch and he edged closer, sliding his legs out from underneath him and moving against her.

"Please hold me." Alex whimpered between the sobs that were calming now.

John slipped his arm behind her and pulled her against him. He closed his eyes as she fell against him gratefully and groaned into his chest.

Movement behind John made him look behind them and he saw Jacqueline peering at them from the end of the hallway concern. He smiled in reassurance and shook his head. She nodded in understanding and retreated back into the kitchen.

"It was all too much." Alex began softly, her voice dry and weary. "The move up here, the stabbing and meeting you. I just couldn't deal with it all. I couldn't change what had happened to me but it was easy to push you away."

John smiled thinly and rested his cheek against the top of her head. "I can understand that."

"It was too much emotion all at once." Alex sighed, "You've no idea how much I wanted you in my life … how much I needed our friendship … but it also scared me." She slipped an arm around his waist and hugged him tightly. "It never crossed my mind that you might need me. I was so selfish."

John shook his head slightly, "No … it's hard to see anything past the confusion in your mind … I know that."

Alex sniffed back her tears and sighed again. "You never really talked about what happened to you … maybe if I had known then …"

John laughed softly, "And that would have piled even more worries into your head!" He squeezed her softly and shook his head again. "Then you would have been nice to me out of pity. I didn't want that."

"We are such similar creatures, you and I." Alex observed.

"Yeah."

"We both have dangerous jobs that have very nearly killed us and we're both too stubborn to give in to what we know we need."

John smiled fondly, "You sound like a friend of mine."

"Penny." Alex agreed, "She talks a lot of sense."

John closed his eyes and felt the tears that gathered there. He would have to thank Penny for this moment, despite this also meaning that he had to concede that she did indeed know best.

"She said we're silly." Alex continued.

"She did?"

Alex sat back up and carefully dabbed the back of her hand against her eyes. She looked up at John and smiled thinly. "She said that once we found each other, we should have clung to what we had. She said a connection like ours is a rare thing."

John nodded slowly. "And she's right."

"But how can this work?" Alex frowned suddenly, "You live on practically the other side of the world! And anything horrible might happen to either of us."

John took a deep breath and cleared his tight throat. "I think we should leave the ifs the buts and the maybes for someone else to worry about. We've got enough on our minds."

"I suppose."

John nuzzled his face into her hair and pressed a gentle kiss onto her head. Slowly the noise in his mind faded and all thoughts of anything other than her closeness ebbed away.

It was no surprise that Penny was so right. She spent so much time with them that she knew them by heart. She was family. She knew when his father needed company, she knew when TinTin needed an older sister's advice, she knew when his brothers needed mothering and she knew when he was worrying too much about a problem to see the solution.

"I can't believe I almost let you go." Alex whispered softly.

"I know." John sighed, "But that doesn't matter any more. None of it does."

"What do you mean?"

John leaned back and looked into her weary face. Suddenly he could think of nothing better than to lie down beside her, curl up in her embrace and fall asleep. "We need each other." He began carefully, "Whether close by or at the end of a comm. link, we need each other to get through all that has happened to us."

Alex let his words linger for a moment and then slowly smiled, a gentle nod of agreement conveying that she understood him. A frown then began to form over her eyes and she swallowed hard. "What do we do now? Where do we go from here?"

"I don't know." John replied quietly, honestly. "All I know is that I've tasted what it's like to have you in my life and I don't ever want to let that go."

FIN.


End file.
